To get a bit peeved at MIL/PIL tightness?

If DH is pandering then I'd be telling him he has to tell them before you book the next tickets or you will risking blowing the relationship out of the water by telling them yourself. Give him a deadline and make him man up and speak to his parents like an adult and not a little child. Take some extra bits in your hand luggage and see what happens. I honestly wouldn't care if I soured the relationship. Withholding food or allowing people to go hungry is cruel. Ask DH if he wants his children to have memories of their grandparents when they've gone of being starved and denied extra food?

Your children are slightly younger than mine and will mention if they are still hungry "please could I eat an apple for pudding" or "will there be anything else before bedtime". It's easier DH to mention something now than your kids to be aware of their hunger and express it in their blunt childish ways.

It’s ridiculous that your husband doesn’t say anything. Maybe start serving him half portions at home and save some money. Honestly there is no way I would spend such a joyless Christmas with them.

My stomach would be rumbling! Would they ignore audible signs like that?

Another angle pp don't seem to have mentioned is the starchiness of the food. To satisfy your conflict avoidant DH, could you go out about a balanced diet, bring bananas, nuts, carrot sticks, those fruit bar things etc? It is after all a health issue too.

Ridiculous. No one British I know is like this, always plenty of food. Home made cakes and bread, we always serve dinners family style so people can have as much as they want, left overs offered to take home from meals, more than enough food. You feed guests!

I’ll never understand people being offended so easily by something so simple and not offensive. My DH had this weird issue at one point with not wanting to tell his parents we didn’t like their favourite restaurant and we didn’t want to eat there. Genuinely awful bland food, cold room, uncomfortable chairs etc. But he just couldn’t do it, he kept saying we were busy and they ended up thinking we were avoiding them which is worse. In the end he told them after I pushed (very gently might I add, I think he said we don’t really like the menu) and yes his dad was a bit petulant but it wasn’t the end of the world and they got over it.

They are choosing to be offended by you bringing extra food, it’s a them problem, not a you problem. Don’t let their weird issue become a big problem for you where you’ve got hungry kids and you’re all unhappy. Just say we are going to bring some groceries from now on, the kids are growing and extra hungry so it’s nice to have things in for them. And then bring extra for you too, if they get offended by that ask them why they offended, sometime turning a mirror on their behaviour helps.

This, so many threads at the moment about people prepared to let their children (not you op, your dp) go without or be negatively treated so as not to offend/upset someone else, a friend, another sibling/child, in-laws...
No more!!

This is straight up mental
they're going to the PILs, not a Duke of Edinburgh expedition. OP you have to make DH sort this shit out. How dare he let your children go hungry

I wouldn't be sneaking food in either. I would be very open about it.

You need to tell them so they really listen. Why would they get offended if you bring some food? They are being ridiculous. I’m the PIL here and when my small family like yours come over for the weekend my cupboards are stacked like it’s Christmas. My DGDs eat constantly. My DIL has full range of my pantry and I cook big meals with left overs. If I was like your in-laws I doubt they would come . Talk to them , it’s just not on .

We had this - but DH would get a proper meal (penis portions) while I was given a tiny kids’ plate (even when pregnant/breastfeeding). Initially I took cereal bars in my overnight bag, but eventually we said we’d only go if we could both have enough food.

Your husband's being embarrassingly wet here. It's his job to speak to his parents and make arrangements to get all of you some more food.

My mum is a shocking host when it comes to feeding us, so I've always just worked around her food-limiting foibles. I have never hesitated to buy food and prepare it in her house, and she's never said anything about me doing that.

How did your DH survive as a kid growing up? Presumably he was a ravenous teenager at some point? Or did they maybe eat more when they were younger? If your DH has got a good relationship with them, then he really does need to speak up. Either that or you just stay hungry all week.

We always took extra food to my PIL when they were alive on the pretext that the kids were fussy, to ensure we had enough food. They didnt complain about it though.

Just say you've got bigger appetites and provide some extra food. Or take some food with you and eat that between meals. Or take them out for a meal.

Your DH definitely needs to address this with his parents. Your kids are only 3 and 5 and are hungry now... what will it be like when they're older? As many PPs have said I'd just order an online shop when you arrive and tell them politely you all need more food. Otherwise I'd seriously be looking at alternative accommodation or not visiting anymore.

I should have added that mine were 240 miles away so it was only 3/4 times a year - and every single Christmas, but they always came for a week. To get their money's worth from the fare!

Exactly this. For some parents, this would be the first time a “child” has ever criticised them. It would not end well for a lot of us - we can’t recognise that we are adults and aren’t reliant on parents any more. It’s complicated.

Well I'd take the car, then. Or rent one when there.

Did your DH’s parents feed him tiny portions when he was a child, or is this a recent thing? Have their appetites got much smaller (and their attitudes more judgmental!) as they’ve grown older?

It's absolutely not a British thing. It is a mean spirited thing.

Neither DH's nor my family ever underfed us.

I wouldn't care about offending such a poor host. I would either bring extra food, just not visit or stay somewhere local.

I thought its the culture difference yes,as my own grandparents always cooked meals and baked fresh pasties for my visits as well. So my kids british gparents are opposite and when my husband talks of his childhood his gparents gave randomly a sweet or two from their pocket but there was no eating meals together. We take our own food along to theirs and an extra cake/other random bits to leave with them when we leave.

I’d just tell them. If you tell them nicely and they’re offended, it’s not really your problem. I wouldn’t worry about it.

I would feel as bad as you about this,OP, but I think some people just genuinely don’t seem to have any interest in food, and they treat others the same.

Oh yes. The inlaws had no problem saying yes to every offer of food and drink when they came over. 🙄 Second helpings galore.

I work as a therapist and it’s such a red flag when people in a relationship (any relationship) say they won’t speak up because they don’t want conflict. You’re not trusting that the relationship can handle conflict which tells me his relationship with his parents is terrible and deep down he fears them abandoning him. He needs to address this. Your husband is the issue here not the parents as he is not looking out for you.