To get a bit peeved at MIL/PIL tightness?

I once went to stay with a lovely relative, excellent cook, very welcoming etc. I’d had a longish drive and arrived about 3pm. Things were hectic as they had a lot going on and I was helping as offered and agreed.
My ds was about 11 at the time and about 8:15pm relative suggested a chippy meal. Phew! I was starving and so was ds. Relative asked what ds would like - sausage and chips please. Off they went to chippy and came back with 3 meals but nothing for me. Nothing. I was so gobsmacked I didn’t say anything. DS asked me to ‘help him out’ as too many chips so I had a chip butty. To this day I don’t know why I didn’t speak up and don’t know how they thought a sandwich in the car at midday was enough until breakfast the following day.

Agree. Just bloody communicate with them! Your DH is being a wet lettuce.

I areange for a food shop to arrive the day we arrive when I stay with relatives. I dont expect them to know or cater to our food likes or dislikes.
Kids can eat away as the snacks. I usually make dinner at least 2 or 3 times.

As a Grandparent, I can’t believe you wouldn’t say anything or have a frank conversation about it. It is not on to leave your family or guests hungry, especially children. My children ( and their spouses) would tell me in no uncertain terms. If they were hungry they would raid the fridge or freezer and my grandchildren would tell me they were hungry. If you want to keep visiting your parents or ILs you need to be more honest with them.

My ILs are similar, there’s always a grump from MIL because all the milk has gone, they just buy a 2 pint, I tell her we buy 6x 4 pints each week and still need to buy more. She really gets pissy about drinking bottled water too, and god help if my kids ask for a biscuit, she needs these during the night when she wakes up - kids aren’t allowed but
their dog is! If we stay for 2 days they’ll have a 2
pint of
milk and a small half loaf of bread. There may be a tatty old satsuma and brown banana. I like wine so am able to have a small glass,
they have the biggest Gins of course in the evening. We tend tomoko out for ‘milkshakes’ with the kids so we can buy a sandwich was S lunch is cheese and a biscuit, sharing a packet or two of small crisps between 6 … by the way they’re very well off by the way -7-8 figure savings

Do an online food shop and get it delivered to the house.
Most places have the same day. Don't tell them beforehand and when it arrives breezing say kids like certain snacks.

Next trip organise food to be delivered the day you arrive.

Some of these replies are borderline hysterical.

Just invite them to yours next time, or drive and take a big bag of snacks. Offer to take them out to eat a couple of days too. We do this when visiting great grandparents, who don't have big appetites or keep a lot of food in the cupboards, and certainly didn't provide 'snacking' food when their own kids were young.

It's annoying, but I understand why DH is reluctant to rock the boat with his parents. I wouldn't say anything either. It's only a week.

It is an age thing, I spend hours at the gym each day and just don’t need the meals we used to eat. But we make sure that other people have enough food to eat. The commenting on what you and your children eat and drink is rude.

Goodness, no.
I'm a boomer.
Our parents were so pleased to have access to any food they liked that biscuits, cakes and white bread especially were fed freely -only rationed by income.
Dmil was even more profligate, our plates were positively piled up with food, think
The Darling Buds of May.

It's tightness and I bet they are as thin as rakes themselves and miserable with it.

Lightheaded in the context of a serious thread, but I used to have this problem with my stepmother. Finally one day I stopped on the way to hers to feed my children at a service station before we got there,
only to discover upon arrival that she had finally clocked how much teenage boys eat and had cooked an ENORMOUS amount of food. They were stuffed to the gills and we all had to own up. She was very sweet about it and said she was sorry it had taken her so long to cotton on. In her case, she was just naturally a small eater, and had simply forgotten what normal young people eat. I appreciate that’s not the problem for the OP and all the rest of you with these sad stories.

Marry in haste starve at leisure.

Reminds me of this thread that is now in the Classics -

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/1651633-Omg-such-anality-from-pil-Come-and-share-your-anal-behaviour-stories-lighthearted

God my exs dad was like this. Only ate one meal a day and completely expected that that is what everyone with him would do also.
3 adult sons over 6ft and their 3 girlfriends all active and in our 20s.
I'm sorry but we need food.
He moaned for hours once after we forced him to stop for lunch after a 10 mile hike because we were all gonna faint.

My own parents barely ate (yet drank alot) and never really had anything but condiments in the house. However they would never get offended if you brought your own supply of food when coming to stay.. and they'd always pay for big meals out where they'd expect to get starters and desserts etc.. so that was better at least.
I don't understand how these people survive on so little though. It can't be healthy?
Well my dad died quite young and my mum is very ill... so I guess it's not the healthiest lifestyle.

This sounds very frustrating indeed. I'd have to be as matter as ratchet as possible but also.crystal clear.

"PIL, we love seeing you but our metabolism are generically different to yours. The children and I are used to substantially.larger portions and so.we are not enjoying the time woth you because we are hungry.
I don't want to cause.you extra stress eith cooking so.will be providing snacks for us to eat between meals.
I'm.sure you understand ".

I said this before. Why do people put themselves through seeing family or in-laws when it’s not pleasant or enjoyable?

Theres no rule that says you have to see your husbands family at the detriment of yours and your kids happiness. They invite you yet starve you. One pizza between 6 of you ? Honestly it’s ridiculous.

The easiest way to cure putting you through this is to let them come to you. End of. Stop going to them.

Honestly some of the things I’ve read on this thread. One poster said they saw family at Christmas, and they shared one bottle of wine between 8 of them..

I wouldn’t tolerate this shit.

Have Christmas at your own place and eat and drink as much as you want.

If your husband is too weak or blinkered to do anything then it’s down to you OP to stop this nonsense. Why should you and your kids be miserable and hungry?

Tell your husband to visit on his own.
No way would I put myself or my children through that.
Weak men who are scared to say boo to his parents even allowing his wife and children to feel hungry is so unattractive.
I'd be parking and gone.

I'd just leave

I don't know the ages of these people but I wonder if it's the baby boomer generation whose parents had gone through the war and suffered deprivation, rationing etc and brought their children (i.e. these now older adults) up to think that anything other than the bare minimum is 'greedy'. I've seen it in my own relatives of this age.

That’s what I was thinking, I’m not sure I’d be too happy with having to find a place to store 40kg of snacks and sweets!

Of course it's not a British thing, what a ridiculous thing to say. That is highly abnormal behaviour, to the point where I'd suspect you're not welcome. Your own parents sound extreme at the other end of the scale - 30 to 40 kg??

No. He doesn’t get to opt out of the difficult stuff when it’s affecting his wife and children. They’re his parents. He can carry on eating like a bird to keep the peace, but none of the rest of you should have to. I would either insist that he tells his parents what will be happening with regard to food, regardless of how offended they are, or you won’t be going. Imagine being offended by other people being hungry, just because you aren’t! Decide what you want - to buy in extra food/eat out/take food along or a combination of these - and your husband should tell them that’s the deal. They are terrible hosts. One of the most important parts of hosting is making sure your guests have enough to eat and drink. It’s basic. I don’t particularly enjoy having guests to stay - I find it stressful - but I always check what they like to eat and make sure there’s plenty of it. Maybe I should starve them so that they don’t come back🤣

Don't your kids get really miserable and badly behaved when hungry? Mind would have done at that age.
I agree with.others. Your husvamd is choosing to not rock the boat over upsetting you and his children.

I would say that being ‘peeved’ is a huge under- reaction. I’d be furious that they were offended at parents attempting to feed their children adequate portions of nutritious food.

Your husband is part of the problem. He isn’t being nice- he’s forcing you all to be compliant, obedient and hungry in order to appease his parents. I would genuinely struggle to have any respect for a man who lets his children go hungry so he can pretend everything is OK. Is he as spineless as a sack of wet shit in all areas of life, or just around his parents?

I would stop visiting them, and would invite them to yours. Getting the train with kids and all your luggage is already tricky- you can’t start hauling a week’s worth of groceries across the country as well.

I worked with a colleague whose (affluent) parents were like this. Even as a grown adult she and her DH would have to have miserable Christmases with strictly one potato each to go with miserly portions of turkey sprouts etc and a glass of water. As children they'd be made to go on long walks before they could be allowed an apple. She would often beg food from neighbours.

At Christmas as a 30 year old woman she’d pack her bags with secret food stashes. I found that unbelievable. I just couldn’t live like that. I’d have to blow up and say ‘this is not normal ffs- it’s Christmas - and I’m going to eat what I want.’

Similarly to other posters they would get very upset if challenged. No surprise she had multiple mental health issues including an eating disorder.

I would love to understand the mentality and why both parents uphold this view of food. It wasn’t just her mother - the dad went along with it. wtf is that all about?