To get a bit peeved at MIL/PIL tightness?

BadActingParsley · 19/08/2025 13:23

My Sister in Law is like this - for 6. 4 adults and 2 kids of us - one M&S quiche and a bag of salad.

Ah but Parsley, it's not just any quiche, it's a.......

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Rationing didn't end until 1954. Older boomers might remember food restrictions as very young children.

Or maybe they picked up the habits from their parents who did go through rationing (twice for some-WW1). We often carry on behaviours from our childhood environment.

I'm not the OP, but I think I can answer your question, coming from a British family where meals are eaten fairly quickly and with little ceremony (albeit we are always served enough and are never left hungry!!!!). But when visiting my grandparents or parents, we generally sit around in the lounge (or garden if it's sunny) and chat, whilst drinking numerous cups of tea. If we're staying overnight, then we'll have dinner (either around a table, or on trays on our laps on the sofa), and then sit around watching television together, whilst intermittently chatting some more and drinking more tea. If we stay for a few days then the board games might start coming out, or else we'll just "chill out" together during the day (eg., we'll all sit around in the garden reading, and chatting intermittently). My in-laws are French, so all of their socialisation takes place around meals too, and whilst I do love big family meals at my MIL's house, I sometimes find it kind of sad that as soon as the meal is over everyone just seems to disappear, so you rarely get the sort of natural unpressured chat that comes from just hanging out in companiable silence the same room...

There were very young small kids at the time - and as we lived some distance away there for some time it was IMO an issue - one I dealt with over a decade ago with out upsetting anyone and also help reinforced kids diets were differnet to adults so no they didn't need no fat low fat diet being push at them either - with best intentions.

Saw IL very recently - we all get on and they made a point to DH and me they love how the kids have turned out they're really proud - so I think without your help we found that middle ground oursleves quite some time ago.

In all honesty though, while I agree with you about salt in diets generally, and its great you watch it at home, there isn't so much that you needed to object when visiting.

There's a middle ground.

This.

My mam always made plenty and im the same i always make loads for next day meals as i would hate anyone to be hungry after a meal

Women are adults who can decide for themselves how much they want to eat.

I eat more than my husband.

Also, MIL is very short, now elderly, has never done vigorous exercise and has been calorie restricting herself for most of her life.
I lift weights or run every day, I surf, I hillwalk and climb. I'm four inches taller than her.
When I'm served the same portion as her, it's not enough.

But the recommended calorie intake IS bigger for men than women, as is the recommended restriction on alcohol consumption!

I don't appreciate getting served less protein than DH. I'm the anaemic one. He eats more than me in general but protein we split 50/50.

MILs penis portions mean eg half the amount of chicken breast.

My PIL are like this! My DS is 14 and DD 11 and are always hungry when we visit. My MIL doesn’t seem to understand that a 14 year old boy eats an adult portion! My FIL actually gets worried there won’t be any leftovers to put in the freezer! We stayed with them at Christmas and he guarded the turkey and would only let us have 2 small slices each! He also counted the potatoes, got worried he had peeled too many and put a raw potato in salted water back in the fridge for another day! I wouldn’t mind but they eat and drink absolutely loads when they stay with us!!! I made a delicious cacciatore with crusty bread for lunch last time they stayed and FIL commented “is this all we’re getting?”! Weird!

Ergo fewer calories!

If the man needs more doesn't it follow that the woman needs less. Obviously a generalisation as some women need more than some men.

yes but the penis portion concept is that you give the woman less!

You're just going to confuse people with facts.

But the recommended calorie intake IS bigger for men than women, as is the recommended restriction on alcohol consumption!

My DGPs lived through the war and as a result they hoarded and were incredibly generous with food. My DGP had food in that you may have said you liked once just in case you wanted it again. The loved to see everyone eat.

I just couldn't imagine seeing anyone let alone children go hungry. I would never allow my children to go hungry.

its the belief that men need, and are entitled to, bigger portions than women. I came across it years ago on my honeymoon in the early 70's. The wonderful b and B lady served us breakfast and proudly pointed out that My DH (now late) got two eggs because he was the man. It became an in joke between the two of us for the whole of our married life

More importantly just because you are with their off spring doesn't mean you have to get along with his family. The op is with her husband not his frugal family she doesn't have to go. I stopped visiting my parents after a few years because either was that tedious. Don't put up with it leave them to it and make them come to you at least you have a full fridge. Getting my parents to my house was like pulling teeth it was hard. After 2015 the last time I saw my mother was on her death bed.

I'm not some people have to get over that others including parents don't give a fuck about others. You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

Too late they're dead and I had 4 children to bring up than argue and fixate on her. It's a lot deeper than that think childhood trauma.

I used to get similar at my in-laws. When newly married i was a bit intimidated about making a fuss so i would just go hungry. When breastfeeding i couldn't take it any more and in response to a snide 'but you had lunch, why would you want toast at 4pm' i asked 'do you know what the calorie recommendation is for breastfeeding woman?' when MiL dodged the question i asked again and again until she admitted she didn't. I then told her what it is, told her what i calculated i had consumed so far that day, and told her that it was only right and proper i prioritised my health and that of the baby and did what the NHS recommended. I was staring a bit madly during this conversation so maybe it was that rather than the cold hard logic . . . but she never made a snide comment about mt snacking again. Can you not do similar? Say something like 'a boy DS's age should really be getting x calories to stay strong and healthy. This isn't nearly enough food for that.' etc

Exactly.

So? That’s kinda what you expect when you have guests to feed! It is an expense that you absorb to be able to see and spend time with your family, it’s just a given. And much cheaper to host at home than hiring someplace else!

Why are you so determined to defend these parents who are being rubbish and mean?

Frankly if someone is being a mean and inhospitable host by not providing enough food, they bloody deserve to be “upset”. It won’t kill them to have to think about other people for once and put their hurty feelings to the side.

Maybe you need to reflect on why you’re so concerned about upsetting someone who isn’t giving a damn about your feelings.