Hi
im not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not. please don’t be rude as im genuinely not sure and I’m open to opinions.
( it’s worth saying I’m a SA survivor and have had a tonne of therapy to live without this affecting me but it still crops up from time to time. )
for context:
when I met my in-laws within a week I knew something was up with FIL. I had a bad feeling he was being unfaithful from his behaviour and we all found out a few months after that he was for years. I didn’t trust my gut and didn’t say anything as I was new to the relationship and didn’t know him.
We are now on holiday and I’ve had a niggling knot about how he treats my DD, 18mnths, it’s very self serving, all about him and not her and he says things to gain a cheap laugh rather than connect with her. I’ve been commenting on this to support my daughter in a discrete and daughter-affirming way, I’ve not been horrible but kindly and firmly responded to try and put some boundaries in. There has been a visible shift in how he looks at me to be quite cold now (which I don’t care about but feels very telling).
tonight in front of a group of family he asked her unprovoked to lift her top up to show him her tummy multiple times with no relevance to the conversation and unprovoked. He then proceeded to get her to lift her top up by lifting his own top and showing her his full belly. This had set off a huge knot in my stomach, and that feels like a huge red flag to me if the other things weren’t already. I feel it’s a clear boundary that a grandad shouldn’t show his granddaughter his stomach or any other under clothes body part? Especially as a bribe to see hers?
my husband has spoken to him and said don’t do it again we don’t want her to learn it’s ok to show people parts of her body just because she’s asked to. He apologised.
there is just this massive warning flashing in my body that he isn’t safe to be around. I can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if this is actually really weird behaviour. AIBU?