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MIL staying for a few nights while going through divorce - causing issues between me and husband

52 replies

Biosblbay · 18/08/2025 21:52

So I don’t have an amazing relationship with my MIL, she hasn’t been very fair, especially to my husband over the years, always took her soon to be ex husbands side over her own son, he even stopped us from going round their home to visit including her first grandchild which is our first born who is now almost 3 and she didn’t do anything about it, she is not very maternal, doesn’t help us an awful lot financially when she has so much money, just a very selfish person. She has just left a toxic marriage after years of myself and my husband (her son) warning her that it was a bad idea, it’s now become very problematic and even more toxic. The MIL only after a few days of filing divorce is now with someone new, who we have met, but it’s caused more problems with the soon to be ex husband resulting in her needing to leave her marital home. She isn’t allowed to stay round the new partners as his children have not welcomed her (they only lost their mum 7 months ago so it is all very quick for them to have another lady in their home), she is refusing to be around the ex husbands so my husband has now said she can stay here a few nights. Tonight is the second night, I am hoping it is the last but my husband has other plans….

so here is my issue, we have a 5 week old baby, still very new, our 3 year old is still adjusting to the new baby, it’s hectic, we are so tired, lots of change etc, so I have told him no that she cannot stay. He is becoming quite angry at this, saying that I am the one with the issue etc. I have been in my bedroom all night tonight just avoiding being around her, just found out she still isn’t here yet and it’s almost 10pm! She rocked up at 11pm last night which I just don’t think is acceptable. She decided to drink a whole bottle of wine in the living room to herself which I find unacceptable to do when we have young kids, I feel uncomfortable, I like to walk around naked in my own home, just be myself in my own home, still getting used to all this change to now this happening.

I just feel like she’s never helped us so why should we help her, she has 3 rental properties she could use in a worst case scenario, she has other family members, the new partner could just tell his kids that it’s his house so he can have who he wants to stay, she could just stay in the marital home, but I feel like the burden is on us (especially me) and the fact my husband doesn’t accept my views and feelings and considers his mums more is really upsetting me and stressing me out.

OP posts:
Dazzlemered · 18/08/2025 22:04

I think you need to separate your feelings.

Just because she has money doesn’t mean she should give you any and your views on her soon to be ex are odd. She’s an adult and can make her own choices.

I would absolutely be saying to your DH that either she goes to a hotel or you will. Having a houseguest 5 weeks after giving birth is a big no no!

Biosblbay · 18/08/2025 22:03

Just to mention, I do feel really guilty, it makes me angry with myself that I can’t just go “yeah that’s fine of course she can stay”, I do of course have a lot of things that I cannot let go that have happened in the past and that I see how she has treated her own son (my husband), but I do know it’s still his mum at the end of the day, it’s just such awkward timing with a baby. I just don’t need all this added stress.

OP posts: