Am I just going to look like shit forever now?

Re your colours - worth just having a look online at guides, getting your colours “done” does rather presume you have spare money and time, both of which you’ve said you don’t!

You said you have a classic wardrobe full of black and white, but also fake tans don’t suit you/look really fake on you. So that would suggest to me, you’ve not got the colouring to carry off black and white. I find either near my face is draining, unless I’ve got a natural tan. Navy, green, brown, burgundy look a lot better than black and cream and beige better than white or grey.

Without seeing you, it’s hard to tell, so it might be worth asking chat /looking at online guides to work out which neutrals/basic colours suit you.

Catch yourself a break, you have a two year old, for heavens sake. I didn't look human from when DD was born until she was about 4. Also, I've never looked exactly the wame as I did before she came along.

Sorry you’re feeling so pants OP, I’ve been there, it’s hard to see yourself change so much in such a short time and feel powerless to change.

I wanted to raise the question about IF - I know it’s a MN favourite and is very popular these days, but it really isn’t a solid solution for many women, especially when your body is already under a lot of stress and pressure. It can actually make things worse and tank your metabolism at - time when your body needs nourishment and kindness. You’ve already mentioned low iron (how low is it? What are you doing for it?) and low zinc in pregnancy.
Being low in either or both of these will affect your hair, skin, nails and energy.

Whilst swimming and running are considered great cardio, they are taxing to an already overtaxed body and will be adding further stress (and cortisol spikes and drops) to a body that’s already not being fed each morning till midday. When we chronically don’t eat until midday, our bodies use adrenaline to manage blood sugar drops. Women’s bodies are not the same as men’s and we are much more sensitive to metabolic issues with IF, especially if we are not in top physical condition with low life stress whilst we’re following that diet approach. That sounds like the opposite to your situation OP - full time work, raising a toddler, poor nutritional status and not eating well after waking.

If I were you I’d switch over to a more nourishing approach: eating regular healthy meals, ensure you have breakfast within 30-60 mins of getting up and have fibre with every meal (fruit, veg, beans, chia seeds, low fat or lean proteins, quality carbs, dairy etc). Add in a zinc supplement for a couple of months and find iron rich foods and don’t drink tea/coffee at the same time to maximise absorption).

Drop the running, maintain the walking, add in some daily flexibility training, use YouTube or literally just spend 15-20 mins stretching / yoga and then do a 5-10 mins wind down / guided meditation. You need to bring your body back down from the chronic overwhelm. Which is possibly why is hurts to do weights - undernourished bodies are inflamed and don’t recover easily.

Is your UV allergy PMLE or some other skin condition? Can often signify some sort of gut inflammation going on.

Above all OP - be kind to yourself, you are not a sack of bin juice!😅😊🩷

That's good to know, thanks. I use 'Faithful to Nature' isolate pea protein powder - it's got no additives or anything, and I blend it with a banana and almond or macadamia milk (also the kind with no additives).

Am trying to think of ways to make up the rest of the quota. I'm not actually vegan as I eat fish about 3 x a week, and eggs about twice a week, from my friend who has a smallholding here in South Africa with happy hens.

I know you only really need the amount you've mentioned, but I'm on Ozempic and have started weight training so I'm scared of losing lean muscle mass and want to make sure I'm getting enough. Am in perimenopause so am thinking about muscle mass and bone density etc.

Oh god, I feel this so much. I had mine late (42 and 44), pre kids no one could believe I was 40, I was fit, skinny, healthy glowing skin, I mean I was no supermodel for sure, but I looked decent for my age, which now I realise was 90% down to not having kids 😂 Post kids, my body and skin was destroyed, and nothing I’ve done since has made any difference. I still exercise (obvs not as much as pre kids), eat relatively healthy, great skincare and makeup etc but nothing helps really. My youngest is nearly 3 now and I’m sure I’ll hit peri soon so the outlook is dire. Day to day I don’t think too much about it as life is otherwise great and I know I should be grateful for two healthy babies in my 40s but it does make me sad when I’m always the ugly one in family photos now.

You asked for veggie supplement recommendations. I massively recommend Floradix for iron and multivitamins - their herbal iron capsules or liquid (capsules are best - not the dark pills but the clear ones with tiny grains in). These are the most effective iron supplements ever and don't cause constipation, which most do.

Brewer's yeast is a veggie B-vitamin supplement.

Eat a few nuts every day - brazil nuts for hair or walnuts for mood. They may be high calorie but they are so nutritious. Just 3-6 nuts makes a difference.

Agar is veggie-based gelatin, good for nails and hair. You can make your own fruit jellies with it very easily. Sounds like a faff but it really isn't. There are loads of veggie biotin supplements online. Can't recommend one, but worth looking at the reviews and trying a couple.

ALL credit solely due to @SpidersAreShitheads 🌻

Get out in nature at every opportunity, breathes life into you!

Sounds like you are really depleted. Take Biotin and L-Tyrosine to make your hair and nails grow stronger and thicker. Also take iron, vitamin D and B-complex for energy and mood boosters. Do weight training to sculpt and strengthen your body - it radically improves posture too.

Sounds like you need something for yourself, too - some activity that brings you joy and gives you a sense of who you are beyond being a mum. Even a class in something that interests you or a hobby group for something you love a couple of hours a week could make a difference.

I also found I needed to change my style after becoming a mum. Do some serious people watching over the next few weeks and look at the clothes on women with similar build and colouring to you, and which of them you think are really good style, then adapt it for yourself.

I believe it’s a colour analysis to understand which colours suit your skin tone.

In person it’s done by draping different coloured clothes under your face to see which tones are better for your skin tone.

Solidarity OP 💐

@BigbluemoonI’ve not read through other’s comments, but I’ll just address some of your practical issues, quick fixes to help you feel a bit better about yourself. Most suggestions can be found on Amazon:

Foundation wear or corsets are a game changer for the mummy tummy. They smooth everything out and give you a lovely silhouette.

A very quick fix for dull grey skin is exfoliation. It works like magic! I just use cheap and cheerful St Ives.

For the nail ridges, again, a very quick fix. A 4 sided nail buffing block. They also work like magic, and are £2.85 on Amazon. (They were 50p in Wilkinson’s not so long back!) The buffer side shines your nails to the point it looks like you are wearing clear polish.

I so recognise this feeling. I've got an almost 3 year old and it's ridiculous how utterly shit I looked when I had him. I was 36 when he was born. I'm 39 now and still have days where the haggard vampire looks back at me in the mirror 😂 due to health issues I started taking lots of different vitamins and minerals and honestly they've made me feel so much better in myself. I'm only just starting to look a bit more human, the suntan helps massively 😅

Oh I can identify with this. It took me 10 years to really hit my stride again. Not very practical advice but please be kind to yourself, having children and being a mum is hard in so many ways that I hadn’t appreciated beforehand.

What is your colouring? Hair , eyes, skin?

Have you put your blood test results into chat gtp for suggestions on what else could do with boosting? Some of the bloods might have come back as ‘normal’ but in my experience the NHS aims for alive rather than optimum.

I’m here to promise you it isn’t permanent. I volunteered at a holiday club so saw toddler mums come back every year. Then their youngest DC would age out of my club and I’d see them around the event looking ten years younger- bright eyes, spring in their step, smiling…

Toddler years are demanding, low sleep, low personal space, every day a challenge and a grind, and all done with a body that has had massive health challenges in the form of pregnancy and labour and breast feeding. Often, just as you start to recover you go for another one!

Recovery takes a while. But it comes.

I think it's a mum of small children thing. I'm trying to maintain like you, then when kids get older and I can get more sleep/rest I hope to bounce back.

Agree

You are doing loads. Well done! Just take a minute to realise that. Working full time as a mother of a non sleeper, fitting a swim into your lunch break and doing the odd run? I’m amazed.
Are you able to do shifts with sleep? DH and I would take turns to sleep downstairs and get a full night of sleep. I used to feel like a new woman.

a couple of things, make sure you are drinking enough water. It makes a significant difference.

Take a really good quality magnesium at night when you brush your teeth.

before you do anything about clothes treat yourself to getting your colours done. Wearing the right colours makes a massive difference and makes shopping for clothes a lot easier.

Another one who would avoid intermittent fasting. It stresses the body and a bit of that is good, but combined with lack of sleep might just be too much.

I'd focus on eating as much variety of veg as possible tbh from a good pov and a good multivitamin. (Plus iron) And avoid UPF

Sounds like you do plenty of exercise.

A critical look at your clothes. If you haven't bought any for a while, then they could be washed out and misshapen. They suited you once, but not now a few years of the washing machine, pulling hands and a changing body shape takes its toll.

Perhaps it's less about pushing yourself to do more, but giving yourself the space to just be at this point. And that's enough. Self-improvement can happen in a couple of years. Take the pressure off. This is just a season of life.

That is the best use of AI I have heard of - ever. Thanks for the suggestion.

As everyone says, it’s the sleep deprivation. I look better at 38 than at 32. Botox, exercise, skin care, plenty of sleep and having the time to actually go out without your kids. You’ll get there OP.

It took me a long time to stop looking unwell. And I'll admit I did have to step the self care up a little but I was 36 when I had my first so was battling being older also. It's maternal depletion. How is your diet?