For disagreeing with friends on my approach to DCs food?

As long as they properly try it and not just lick it/nibble a crumb then I think your way is fine. As a mum with 2 DC with eating issues due to SEN the dietician actually recommends your method, try it and if they don't like it, no big deal here's the alternative we agreed upon. You are also right to get them to keep trying foods they have previously rejected

Op I was raised like you. My dad force fed me a stone cold fried egg once and after that my gps refused to spend any time with him.

op my approach is like yours. Now they are older I put more weight on them eating the veg if they don’t like the other thing and they are both fine with that.
I’ve never made them clear their plates. Dd1 was a pain with food once but she clears her plate in principle now she’s a teen though she doesn’t need to.

dd2 probably has coeliac disease and we are getting a retest. I have to be so careful with her or she’s off school for a week.

We have similar approach to yours, you don’t have to eat everything but you have to give it a try, if you genuinely try and don’t like it then you can have option B because I’ll never send my child to bed hungry. We are all different, we all have different tastes- if you try and don’t like something then that’s fine.

I didn’t offer alternatives, my very fussy toddler eventually by teenage years ate fairly widely - if I’d offered beige she would still be limited. She wouldn’t eat cereal so that wasn’t an option!

I think your approach is excellent!

We don't really offer alternatives, but we do a lot of deconstructed meals where they eat some (safe) parts. For example today we had burritos and from that the DC had tortillas, grated cheese, sour cream and chopped up vegetables. We also don't always make them taste everything every time: it's more periodically as it can be a bit of a battle if there is stressful stuff (like going back to school) or if someone is tired.

Sounds fine to me. I do similar to you. Only thing I do differently is if they reject they have to wait 2 hours for "supper" before bed where I offer them similar thing like weetabix or plain cereal. I try and make sure they haven't snacked too much so they are hungry before dinner and tend to eat better.

All you can do is offer, you sound like you're doing a great job.

Honestly, the only advice I'd have is to avoid such discussions. Someone invariably ends up feeling judged and ultimately all are doing what they think is best for them and their family. Crack on with what suits you and your kids and leave them to it.

Sounds fine to me!

I do similar to my v picky 6yo. But with the difference that the weetabix is an optional "supper" that she can have after her bath. So not obviously "instead" of eating tea but obviously she doesn't want it if she's eaten a lot of tea.

Both me and DH were picky and grew out of it in teenage years.

Who cares anyway... they're your DC, do it how you want and they can feed their DC how they want. They are different approaches but neither is intrinsically right or wrong imo.

If I’ve learned one thing it’s that there’s no one ‘right way’ to raise children.

I believe that provided they receive unconditional love from at least one adult and don’t have neglectful parents, minor variations in approach to diet, bedtimes, manners and homework are in the end irrelevant. Look at how different the approaches are to these things in different countries and cultures.

My brother and I raised our children very differently in these minor areas. All of our children have grown up with good health, ‘ no fillings’ teeth and good manners and are functioning members of society.

I think your approach is fine.

If my DS definitely didn't like the dinner, then I wouldn't cook a complete new dinner, but I would sympathise and suggest something I knew he liked, which was often cereal.

There was also fruit and a yoghurt later. But it wasn't straight after the meal, I didn't want to get into wrangling about having pudding if dinner not eaten, so fruit and yoghurt was always available later, just before bedtime.

Neither of my DC ever refused food! They'd be suspicious, and feebly nibble at new things, but they never outright refused. I think it's because DH and I eat anything and everything, they never heard "oh I don't eat xyz" and I guess didn't see it as an option! Now they're older they both have food they love and food they'll tolerate, but nothing they outright refuse (except, weirdly, goats' cheese by one of them).

Sounds brilliant to me. Well done.

This is how we approached eating with our kids. I had a similar upbringing to you OP. We have a rule that you have to try everything on your plate and just eat what you can. Alternatives are weetabix or plain pasta.

The kids are now 11 & 12 and would literally eat anything. 12 year olds favourite food is oysters and the 11 year old wants to be a Michelin starred chef so I think it worked ok!! For reference, 12 year old was a very picky eater around 3-5 years but got over it.

YANBU. Our approach is the same but the alternative is plain brown bread. If you start cooking an alternative then I think it’s a slippery slope down to being their personal chef. They ask for bread instead less than once a week. If it was most mealtimes then we’d reassess.

I think if you have never had a child with difficulties with food it’s hard for others to understand. Your approach sounds fine. I try to take an approach of food is fuel and a holistic approach at the whole weeks nutritional balance. For context my youngest often had carrots frozen peas - still frozen - for breakfast. She subsequently had an autism diagnosis which explained the sensory issues around food. Keep doing what yout doing.

I’m with you-except my alternative was brown bread and butter and something fruit or vegetably. I also had a sit at the table til everyone has finished, which prevented opting for bread and butter because it was quicker!

I wouldn’t personally offer those particular alternatives but I would never never comment on a friend doing so! None of it sounds like a big deal and certainly not something to verbally pass judgement over. If I had picky kids I’d make sure there was something included in the meal I knew they’d like (eg yoghurt/fruit).

I’m a mixture of you and your friends.

I never made my kids clear their plate. The amount I dish up is random and I don’t check with the kids how hungry they are beforehand so I have no idea how much they’ll eat. Sometimes I take a bite and realise that I’m more or less hungrier than I thought and this is normal ime.

I don’t agree with offering weetabix instead. My kids would have had Weetbix for whole weeks during some picky phases.

I don’t think that your meals are exotic. My kids were eating spices by the time that they were 12 months old. (Spices like garlic, garam masala, chilli) Lunches tended to be “safe” as sandwiches can be customised easily but it’s not “exotic” to eat cod, curries etc The fact that she used exotic is a reflection on her food choices imo.

We did what you do @CunningPlanMaster but I didn’t offer the alternative at the time they would have had to wait a bit

Sounds good to me. We do something very similar. I sometimes insist on eating up vegetables if pudding is being requested, but never anything else. I'm also a big fan of encouraging to try and means they often find new and interesting things they like. I'd not discuss it with your friends to be honest. We approach food very differently to most people I know (most children we know are just served general beige that they like), and I can't see that it would help to chat about it!

I don’t force my kids to eat everything but I don’t offer an alternative. If they don’t eat what they’re given they go without.

This sounds fine, and surely you are providing a 'safe' food alongside your more 'exotic' meals by offering the Weetabix and porridge?