For disagreeing with friends on my approach to DCs food?

Your way is fine. Sensible.

I've always done very similar to you. The alternative changed over the years (Weetabix wouldn't work atm ad the youngest would choose it over anything else for every meal as they love it!) but we've always done 'try it and if you don't like it have the alternative'.

We also do self serve for as many bits of the meal as possible which has been a help.

Tbh if i was looking after someone's child for them and they sent a text like that id be suggesting they send a packed lunch, and if they were repeatedly that rude another babysitter!

Having been forced to eat food that had gone off, mine never have to eat anything they don't like. Toast was my alternative. Cereal is good too. They were allowed to stop eating when they were full too, and praised for it.

You’re not wrong. Being forced to eat food is a way to eating disorders. You wouldn’t force an adult to eat something they didn’t like.

It's actually the most healthy way to approach this, and was recommended by a nutritionist on a programme I watched some years ago. It takes the battle out of mealtimes and guards against developing disordered feelings about food.

Although their approach was beans on toast or a cheese sandwich, IIRC. The specifics don't matter so much as long as they're healthy, nutritious options and absolutely firm on only ever offering those two options (so it doesn't become too interesting).

My only caveat is that it would probably be better if you could somehow incorporate some protein. But as long as they're getting plenty of protein in other meals that day it shouldn't really be an issue, and you're exactly right - two or three times in a week will not be detrimental to their health.

We are the same as you. If they don't want to eat what the meal offered is, then they have toast or cereal (plus fruit is always available) x

Edited to add - I always encourage them to try it though!!

I think your approach sounds great. Personally I'd do something like peanut butter toast or cheese and crackers with maybe some fruit/veggies just because my kids both do a lot of sports so need a lot of protein but we basically did and do the same thing - we accommodate a few true dislikes (my daughter won't touch creamy food and my son hates Brussel sprouts for example), but otherwise they can try anything and then get themselves something easy instead (they're 9/12 now but we've done this for years).

I don't offer fix alternative to DC. They have a choice to eat the food we have or go hungry unfortunately.

I think your alternative foods are a bit lazy but it won’t kill anyone.

I was harsher than you!
There was always something on their plate that they liked, and then often a new or ‘challenge’ food for them.
They ate what they wanted and left what they didn’t want, but there was no alternative.
Seems to have worked well, but maybe I just got lucky!

Honestly I don't discuss my children's eating habits with other parents verbally nowadays. I had a child that ate absolutely everything. She hit two and then stopped eating any fruit or veg. Everybody told me to do this and that and at one point I thought she must have Arfid. I wound myself in knots and then thought why am I trying to conform to all these fads or newfangled parenting methods. I ended up serving what we were having plus a small amount of something I knew she'd eat. Then it was a case of this is whats for dinner if you don't like it that's fine you can go down from the table but there won't be anything else. She's now 6 and will take fruit as long as its blended or dried and vegetables as long as its blended for a pasta sauce or soup. She used to absolutely freak if there was any fruit or veg on her plate. Now she'll just move what she doesn't want out of the way without comment. We have had an occasion recently where she has helping herself to food sneakily in between meals. I questioned everything again to what if we've given her food anxiety. After an age appropriate chat she was just hungry between meals (we don't provide snacks). Not a problem we talked about what snacks could we have that offered protein and would help her feel full. She now helps herself to boiled eggs or I'll do her some hummus with breadsticks.

Previously I won't have offered 'snacks' but she is a very active child. Think swimming for several hours in the morning and then a long bike ride in the afternoon kind of kid.

yours is the best approach for balance and gives them a great into to a wide range of foods while respecting their appetite . I did the same with mine and now as teens they still eat such a great variety of food and also cook exotic dishes. What ever you do don’t start making separate meals or plying them with a beige alternative, it’s a slippery slope.

I never made my kids eat anything. I'm still traumatised from my school dinner experience and the time my mother flushed my dessert down the loo because I didn't eat my main.
I have one kid who eats everything, one young adult who really tries but struggles with all sorts of textures and another who has a limited diet, partly due to having braces but one that probably fits in the major nutrients.

There's no point disagreeing with your friends on these things. They'll soon have much bigger fish to fry as teens can be inclined to live on monster and vapes.

I think I'd vary the alternative offer so it included an easy protein such as peanut butter toast, and some fruit just in case you end up with a week of wheetabix, but otherwise it sounds fine.
As a parent of three extremely fit, healthy adults who eat great diets, after often refusing in childhood anything but a limited range of less than optimum foods, I regret my angst in trying to impose perfect diets, when good enough proved to be good enough.

Yes, alternatives if they’re not eating what’s on plate, imo, would be beans or spaghetti (with our without cheese) on toast, a ‘picky’ tea of fruit, yoghurt, sandwich, or soup.
I try to offer savoury over sweet or cereal type stuff for dinner. But I wouldn’t stress about it too much or force anything - a relaxed approach and you modelling good eating habits will help them find their own way.

Your way sounds fine to me. But I would never discuss such things with friends, for exactly the reason you discovered!

I used to do your approach with my three op. Eldest is autistic and still has a narrow range of food that he trusts but over time has expanded his palate. The other two grew into more sophisticated tastes as they got older and now pretty much eat anything. Force feeding kids doesn’t lead to unfussy eating - probably the opposite!

I can't offer an alternative because when I did that my 5yo refused to eat anything but the alternative, I think it's a good method though if you have kids who won't take the piss.

She only has 3 or 4 meals that she'll actually eat and she has point blank refused to try a single new food for about 3 years now, I've never forced her to try anything and never will and if she doesn't eat I then wait a couple of hours and give her some toast but I have to treat that as "supper" so it's not seen to be an alternative to eating tea.

You’re fine. I think conflict around food is the worst culprit for food issues so being easy going like you - but not a pushover - is great.

You’re fine. I think conflict around food is the worst culprit for food issues so being easy going like you - but not a pushover - is great.

We did the try everything on your plate - they had what we had so mainly pasta, bolo, rice, risotto- lots on one pot meals. Never did beige food as me and dh didnt eat it.

They could eat it or not but sat at the table until we all finished (me and dh are not slow eaters)

There was no more food until their supper before bed which was similar to yourself porridge, weetabix or toast with perhaps a banana chucked in.

I’d be fuming, not sure I’d bite my tongue.

We regularly have other kids here, everyone knows when their child eats at my house the menu consists of one or more of the following, pizza, chicken nuggets, sausages, chips, 2 min noodles and there will be a bowl of salad and some berries on the table. Maybe an omelette or scrambled eggs. All these tick the fussy child boxs. If parents don’t want me feeding their DCs they can send them with a packed lunch as I’m already catering to my own 3 fussy and different eaters, I’m not adding more work to feed their kids too.

There are a couple of children we have over who are extremely adventurous and we will happily include them in our family meals as we know the food will be eaten, but otherwise we usually feed the DCs separately when other kids are here.

All children also have access to our snack cupboard and always get desert whether they choose, fruit, yogurt, ice cream, chocolate bar it’s their choice and help themselves.

I don't force my DC to eat things. I don't offer a whole meal of all unfamiliar stuff, and sometimes with a stronger or spicy new flavour i serve a sauce or dressing on the side so they can have a bit less.

But i don't offer alternative plain carbs for them to fill up on if they don't like it. I think its really important to allow the brain to recognise eating something when hungry that is nutritious and quells your appetite even if you didn't find it just as palatable.

Lots of DC would choose the safe weetabix or porridge over the more adventurous food 5 days a week.

Your plan sounds good and it works. BTW, Mexican children don't favour beige food