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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let DD vape?

232 replies

ByBoldLeader · 18/08/2025 17:20

DD (16) vapes. I’ve tried to stop her from vaping but I can’t, nothing works and she just keeps on vaping. She has a part time job and pays for the vapes with her own money. I’ve given now up trying to stop her from vaping and have just decided to let her vape now but other mums are saying I’m a bad mum for taking that approach and that I should still be trying to stop her from vaping. Has anyone else just given up and let their teen vape? AIBU to just let DD vape? Am I a bad mum?

OP posts:
redcherrybottle · 18/08/2025 17:47

Pretty sure lots of those thinking they’ve successfully forbidden their teen from vaping are mistaken IME

TheAdeptOchre · 18/08/2025 17:46

My mum shouted and went mental, grounded me etc when I smoked as a teenager and I just got much better at hiding it. 16 is very different to 12 too. I hate that my son vapes as he does a lot of sport. But it is what it is.

Devilsmommy · 18/08/2025 17:45

ByBoldLeader · 18/08/2025 17:34

She doesn’t vape in the house but does in the garden.

Does anyone else just let their teen vape if they haven’t managed to stop them? Other mums have said they think I’m a bad mum for just letting DD vape at this point.

You're not a bad mom at all. She's 16 with a PT job. If you tried to stop her doing it she'd just go and do it elsewhere. I've smoked cigarettes since I was 12 and when I was 15 and had a Saturday job my dad gave up trying to get me to quit. As long as I didn't do it in the house then he left me to it. She's not a little kid and all it will do if you try and badger her into quitting is strain your relationship

Original poster
ByBoldLeader · 18/08/2025 17:45

SapphOhNo · 18/08/2025 17:43

You withhold anything but the bare minimum. No lifts. No Internet. No treats. Throw away any you find.

I tried this previously at one point as well but DD still vapes.

OP posts:
Holluschickie · 18/08/2025 17:44

RubySquid · 18/08/2025 17:42

My dad was severely anti smoking. He did everything he bloody could to stop me smoking at 16. But I just ignored him and carried on anyway ( obviously not at home) How do you people saying would you " let" a teenager do " vaping/smoking/ drinking/sex" etc actually stop them?

Show quote history

I shout. I am from a different culture where a little healthy fear of your parents goes a long way. 😊I don't allow partners in my house either, though DC are now young adults. Not interested in being their friend

TheAdeptOchre · 18/08/2025 17:44

My 16 year old vapes. He is very secretive about it and thinks I don't know. As a result I turn a blind eye to it. Between him and his brother we have had so many challenges, this is not the hill I want to die on.

SapphOhNo · 18/08/2025 17:43

You withhold anything but the bare minimum. No lifts. No Internet. No treats. Throw away any you find.

RubySquid · 18/08/2025 17:42

chipsandpeas · 18/08/2025 17:30

would you let her smoke a cigarette

My dad was severely anti smoking. He did everything he bloody could to stop me smoking at 16. But I just ignored him and carried on anyway ( obviously not at home) How do you people saying would you " let" a teenager do " vaping/smoking/ drinking/sex" etc actually stop them?

Holluschickie · 18/08/2025 17:42

ByBoldLeader · 18/08/2025 17:40

I have tried everything to stop DD from vaping but just can’t.

Cut off internet.
Stop pocket money
Stop cooking for her if you do or offering her lifts
Nag.

TooHigh · 18/08/2025 17:42

Also isn’t it illegal to buy vapes if you’re under 18? (I don’t know the rules around them)

TooHigh · 18/08/2025 17:40

I’ve refused to let dp’s dd vape in my house or garden (she’s 15). I read the riot act to her. If her mum and dad want to allow her to ruin her health so be it but not on my watch!

Original poster
ByBoldLeader · 18/08/2025 17:40

I have tried everything to stop DD from vaping but just can’t.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 18/08/2025 17:38

MysweetAudrina · 18/08/2025 17:36

Yeah, that really worked I found. Not sure how you think it would be remotely possible for me to stop him.

Edited

Confiscate his vape - if you find it lying around, bin it.
Limit his access to privileges - no pocket money, no internet.

Give him consequences for breaking the law. Shrugging your shoulders and saying: "How on earth can I stop him?!" is a cop out. He's your child. Protect him. And sometimes protection means putting your foot down and sanctions.

Arlanymor · 18/08/2025 17:36

ByBoldLeader · 18/08/2025 17:34

She doesn’t vape in the house but does in the garden.

Does anyone else just let their teen vape if they haven’t managed to stop them? Other mums have said they think I’m a bad mum for just letting DD vape at this point.

Your house (and garden) your rules - don't let her vape in the garden. Take it off her - it's illegal for her to have it so it's not depriving her of her property - limit access to the internet. Put sanctions in place. Do you have other kids who want to use the garden?

MysweetAudrina · 18/08/2025 17:36

Yeah, that really worked I found. Not sure how you think it would be remotely possible for me to stop him.

Original poster
ByBoldLeader · 18/08/2025 17:36

I have a suspicion she may be vaping in her bedroom though but she insists she doesn’t vape in the house. Like I said, she does vape in the garden though.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 18/08/2025 17:35

You cant stop her. You cam insist on no vaping in house or garden - she can walk down the street.
If left lying around the house you will bin them

Original poster
ByBoldLeader · 18/08/2025 17:35

DD also insists it isn’t dangerous despite all the evidence and articles that I’ve showed her.

OP posts:
AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 18/08/2025 17:35

ByBoldLeader · 18/08/2025 17:34

She doesn’t vape in the house but does in the garden.

Does anyone else just let their teen vape if they haven’t managed to stop them? Other mums have said they think I’m a bad mum for just letting DD vape at this point.

Well stop her from vaping in your garden too?

andanotherproblem · 18/08/2025 17:34

I agree that you can’t stop her, at 16 she has her own mind and telling her not to do something won’t stop her, the same for not allowing her to do it in your home, I don’t think she’ll listen. All you can really do is let her know what you think of it, perhaps give her a lecture everytime you see her with it to stop her doing it in front of you

Original poster
ByBoldLeader · 18/08/2025 17:34

She doesn’t vape in the house but does in the garden.

Does anyone else just let their teen vape if they haven’t managed to stop them? Other mums have said they think I’m a bad mum for just letting DD vape at this point.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 18/08/2025 17:33

MysweetAudrina · 18/08/2025 17:32

My 16 year old is vaping. I obviously don’t approve but he vapes in his bedroom.

Well don't let him - it's your house, you have the control here. It's illegal let alone all of the other issues with vaping.

Arlanymor · 18/08/2025 17:33

I think you take control of the things that you can - e.g. no vaping in the house or in the garden - and if she pushes back you can highlight the fact that it's illegal and you won't have others in the household being impacted by her behaviour.

Obviously she funds it herself and wherever she buys it from isn't doing any ID checks - so you could draw attention to the fact that local shops should be doing more to ensure that children can't purchase vapes or refills - via your local councillor and MP. I'm not saying it will change anything overnight but raising awareness at least gets the cogs turning. The alcohol industry introduced Challenge 21 and then Challenge 25 on the basis of public pressure.

Also Frank are good in terms of giving advice on how to talk to your child - this is their number: tel:03001236600 0300 1236600

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 18/08/2025 17:33

She's not doing it in your house or garden though is she?

Because that you obviously can stop.

MysweetAudrina · 18/08/2025 17:32

My 16 year old is vaping. I obviously don’t approve but he vapes in his bedroom.

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