To let DD vape?

Yes, I did, in my 20s.

I don’t think you’re a bad mum. You cannot force a teen to stop behavior. What does everyone expect you to do? You could takeaway phones and wifi access but she will just go elsewhere and vape. If it makes you feel any better, I smoked when I was 16. Not anywhere near my parents. And did so until my mid 20s. My parents did not smoke, but all my friends did and to be honest, I just liked it.

You can’t stop her outside of the house, but you can tell her that she gets no pocket money, lifts or privileges while she continues.

My mum found out I smoked aged 15. She threatened to sell my ponies and ground me indefinitely. I stopped!

Thinking it through, I would calmly say that valuing is not allowed in the house or garden and as she can obviously afford vapes, she can now pay for phone/travel/whatever else you’re currently stumping up for.

I’m struggling with why she’s not listening to you saying she can’t vape in the garden. Who’s in charge in your home? If she’s that disrespectful then that needs serious consequences that aren’t actually to do with the baling but are to do with disrespect to you and your home.

YANBU OP, pick your battles.

Sensible info here:

https://ash.org.uk/key-topics/vaping-what-you-need-to-know

https://ash.org.uk/resources/view/use-of-e-cigarettes-among-young-people-in-great-britain

https://talktofrank.com/drug/vapes

I wouldn’t allow in my house or garden. I thought disposable ones were illegal now?
I wouldn’t be doing any favours for them like picking them up etc. As they are all grown up now.
I also don’t want to be their friend, I’m their parent. And if I caught them vaping in my house, I would confiscate and dispose off.

My mum still tells me off for occassionally vaping/smoking and I am mid 40s. I think you can keep on trying to make her give up forever but its doen to her really.

@ByBoldLeader I want to truly validate you permitting her to vape at home. The alternative being (as I presume she is in fact addicted) that she would spend less and less time at home, and be exposed to more and more other vices normalised amongst her peers. Less likely to disclose other issues etc, become more distant and less able to be guided by you or seek your help on other more serious topics.
Only you can make this judgement as to what’s the best and safest route for her, you love her more than all of us on the internet.

You could have a hard not inside the house rule.
If she has younger siblings you could have a hard never in front of the kids rule.
You could reasonably have a time of day rule if there are younger kids eg only after 9pm.

If she will engage you could have more open shared conversations and internet searches about nicotine content, “safe vapes” (ie more certain of nicotine content, less likelihood of rogue additives), addiction. Substituting some vaping with nicotine replacements maybe.

Plus I rather think those saying “just don’t let her vape” have never actually been in a similar situation themselves

Edit - I like the bedroom smoke alarm idea of it would work

I'd put a sensitive smoke alarm of whatever type is likely to be set off by vapour in her room. She would also be told to leave the property entirely if she was going to go against my wishes and vape at all. Foolish girl, but you have my sympathies for not being able to stop her.

Well how about NOT smashing the battery and bashing up the bit that goes in your mouth? Although a ceremonial fire would also have a certain impact and a lot of noxious chemicals too, better not try that

I don’t. But you said that under 40s don’t smoke anymore. I’ve found out that they do. I was pretty astonished but as I said my younger colleague agreed, that he’s noticing more and more than he’s starting to stand out as a non-smoker when he’s out.

She shouldn’t even be buying them - and vendors shouldn’t be selling them to OP’s DD. It’s flat out illegal- If she’s in the UK then the age limit is 18. I have a 15yo, I would feel really ok about smashing a vape if I found one. Putting it in the bin is no good - they could just get it out again!

Did you remove her phone/stop paying her contract? That would probably do the trick.

I think if a child is idiotic enough to start vaping, then the horse has bolted. Obviously the best thing is to have kids who are not tempted and who realise what a stupid thing it is to start.

I’m sure you have tried everything OP. The only thing I would suggest is not giving the Wi-Fi password. But if she doesn’t care about that, I’m not sure what you can do other than say you won’t allow it in the house.

The other mums should mind their own business unless you have asked for their opinion. Have you?

It's legal to vape at 16, it's illegal to purchase vapes until 18. Local 6th form college has a vape shelter for students.

Let me guess you gave in and she has all those privileges back?

But how do you know that the strangers at the next table, in their 20's and 30's smoking , started off by vaping?
I never see anyone in this age group smoking actual cigarettes (where I live). Loads of vapers in what used to be the outdoor cigarettes areas though.

the more you fo on the more she'll do it-i was smoking at 15 when my parents found out nothing they said stopped me

I bought my first packet of cigarettes when I was 16 (many moons ago). I was more a social smoker though. I haven’t smoked in decades and my kids were brought up in a smoke free home (didn't stop my oldest from vaping unfortunately). A lot do grow out of smoking, I don’t know about vaping though as it’s still relatively young.

DO NOT HIT VAPES WITH A HAMMER

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/h9PtmCNc2Bg

They really are. DH and I were at a local pub the other evening (most unusual for us). We were sitting at a table outside. We were the oldest there by a country mile (in our 50s) and every other tables and group had at least one smoker. All in their 20s and 30s.

I asked a younger colleague about this at work and he agreed that it was happening.

How does no internet work in a family home?

The thing is posters are saying confiscate it, but confiscate what, a disposable vape? She may have several.

My son started vaping at uni, the rule was not in the house when he was here.

She will be vaping with friends so it’s not going to go away because of the house rules (although keep them in place). I do ‘nag’ my son to stop but he just says in his own time. He was brought up in a smoke free home so it’s disappointing that he vapes/smokes.

My ds vapes, at least I think he still does, he’s an adult now but has since he was around 16. I’ve said to him that I don’t approve and I don’t like it. But I can’t stop him, I can stop him from smoking in the house and garden though, so I have. He knows I have a nose like a sniffer dog and has developed common sense as he’s got older, so I actually don’t know if he still vapes. I did also remind him that I’d smell cigarette smoke a mile off so pretty confident this has never been a thing.

Shes 16 not 6 you cant smash up somebody else's property she bought it with her own money that she has earnt

Also our local GP has a weekly service to help people quit vapes . They provide patches/gum . Maybe your gp has something similar. If she does ever try and quit