Absolutely FUMING with ex MIL

Did the asd team who advised you to keep using her toilet know about how abusive and controlling she is?
If so I doubt they would have said to continue.
As a parent to a asd child this entire situation sounds so messed up.
How can you have a routine when its spread over 3 homes.
He needs to use your toilet.
And you need to make it clear she cannot make gp appointments. You cant have 3 different people getting different tests/prescriptions advice and so on. Especially when you cant trust her.
This system is far to chaotic.
I cant believe you have let it get this far.
And you ex h sounds just as bad. He sounds like he puts his mum wants above his child's needs .

Go buy him a magic toilet seat. I did for one son. He loved it

"SG Traders Toilet Seat with Soft Close Wooden Seat Cover with Zinc Alloy Hinges | eBay UK" https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/353892182051?var=0&mkevt=1&mkcid=1&mkrid=710-53481-19255-0&campid=5338268676&toolid=10044&ff=11&gbraid=0AAAAADA7Q_Kujx40bHWEHsfRXbDR4Etw4&loc_physical_ms=1007423&adtype=pla&customid=Cj0KCQjwnovFBhDnARIsAO4V7mBU8spBhuvyGs0mKj4QsYMOuc4IW4UFc2Ouslpar-FZl8cF_KtlhXsaAnXSEALw_wcB&gclid=Cj0KCQjwnovFBhDnARIsAO4V7mBU8spBhuvyGs0mKj4QsYMOuc4IW4UFc2Ouslpar-FZl8cF_KtlhXsaAnXSEALw_wcB

Agree- the GP surgery need to be told. Ask for a note to be added to his file. Ask if there’s any sort of text confirmation service so you can call back and cancel to avoid a wasted appointment if she does it again. (Present it as you saving the GP having a “no show”)

All granny visits are down to dad to arrange in dad’s time. Not your problem, refuse to engage.

I would consider a new loo as well.

She doesn't have Parental Responsibility and it wasn't emergency treatment.

Tell the GP that she does not have authority to make appointments or consent to treatment, get a new toilet installed and keep your DS away from her; any time away from you is for him to see his father, not to be given to his GM in addition. If his father wishes for him to see her, that's his decision out of his time.

His father can deal with the fallout/manage any contact and if it gets directed at you, straight back to a Prohibited Steps order.

Contact the GP and explain the situation. That someone is trying to book appointments for your child for no reason against your consent. That they have no authority to do so. So are essentially trying to waste NHS resources.

Ask that you agree a code word which must be stated when anyone calls or contacts them for an appointment for your child, or anyone in your family. That will at least stop it from that perspective.

Obviously tell her that your child will not attend medical appointments she has booked and you have warned the GP about her behaviour.

Your ex needs to tell her to back the fuck off.

Has the appointment already happened?

You can set up a password at my gp surgery for making appointments.

I would also set up a password at the school as well.

Is your ex likely to try and make appointments with either? If not then he doesn't need to know.

She has massively overstepped, but that's probably because she has almost been treated like a 3rd parent.

Now your ex isn't living with her you need to be a lot tougher with your boundries with her, she isn't an equal wrt to your son, even if she thinks she is. It's up to your ex to facilitate contact.

Get a new toilet, @ellie09 - it’ll be worth it.

If he will only pooh in Granny's toilet how will he manage time at Granny's being stopped? Could the behaviour be because he is constipated/impacted due to less time at Granny's rather than going between 3 houses?

If your ds will include poo at your MIL s it would be cruel to stop him seeing her.

Ring up and cancel that appointment and put a note on the system to ensure they don't do this again.

Wtaf, who does she think she is??

Considering you had to get a restraining order against her only 3 years ago for what would be considered a criminal act where I am, then you swung all the way to facilitating her having a lot of contact on your time and playing 3rd parent, yeah, you were way too nice. Rethink enabling others when it comes to your son.

Your ex has visitation, she sees him then. No more of her cutting into your time. You're trying to establish routines and she's disruptive to that.

Cancel the GP appointment and make it clear to the surgery that only you and your Ex-husband may make appointments.

Then you need to sit down with him and discuss the whole situation with your MIL overstepping boundaries. I hope you can come to an amicable agreement.

Edit: I don’t think you can stop your MIL from seeing your child on HIS 30% but there is no need to let her see him during your 70%. Though you could insist that HE facilitates these visits. However, I’d try to resolve this amicably.

@ellie09 why the hell did you give mil access to your son in the first place????

She has over stepped the mark for sure. I’d stop him going on your time. Will he use your toilet? You don’t mean he will only poop in granny’s toilet full stop do you? As that complicates things.

Thing is they never ask who’s calling or who’s making the appointment when you phone the GP, don’t don’t really see a way around that as how will they know if it’s a parent or not making the booking? It could be anyone. Reception won’t have a clue. They never ask who’s calling when I book appointments for mine.

All of this and perhaps contact his school also, so that she doesn’t get any sort of foot in the door there. Mad sod, whatever was she thinking?

If you are all civil could you arrange a meeting for the 3 of you to talk through things whilst putting DS first and his needs above anyone else’s.

Any time that he spends at granny’s should come out of ex h’s time.

I am not sure how legally things work - but am I right in thinking that if ex h is OK with granny having DS on his time then you have no say? Someone might be better at knowing that than me

Speak to the surgery. Cancel the appointment if it hasn't happened. Remind them that only you and his df have parental responsibility and that they should not take instruction from.anyone else. It will be difficult for them to prevent her booking an appointment perhaps but they should absolutely not share his records or take anything from her if she gets to the appt.

And yes ditch the third parent custody that is not helping your boy at all - and God knows what shes saying to him.about you or his dad which is also likely to be not helping. Make sure his asd team are aware she is an issue.

This is what I’d do. Immediately.

You stop her in her tracks now, and be very firm also with your GP Surgery. It’s bizarre they allowed a grandparent to make an appointment in the first place tbh.