Absolutely FUMING with ex MIL

IMO, I couldn't trust anyone who exhibited controlling, manipulative, obssessive behavior and would definitely not allow them to influence my kids. Or possibly instill the belief that only her toilet was safe to use. Who knows what she did to start that behavior bc it is highly suspect in my mind.

Your ex-husband was kind and honest enough to alert you to her intrusive machinations regarding your child. If he trusted his mother's intentions would he have told you abt her plans?

Your kid's emotional, psychological and physical well being are your responsibility, not granny's. Children should always come first bc of their vulnerabilities and impressionable minds. Especially ASD kids. Granny can voice her concerns to you, but you are to make the decisions.

I had an evil mother-in-law too, so I understand. Too bad your MIL cant show deference and respect you as the child's parent; as you know best what your child needs or doesnt need. Good, loving help would be appreciated.

Ppl don't miraculously change bc you read them the rites. If it is possible, hire a caregiver who is trained in ASD so your child can grow and learn better in a peaceful calm manner at home, without an interference or the questionable tutelage of an Inlaw you can't quite trust (bc she has given proof that she doesnt need your advice on important matters.)

Christ it sounds like ex MIL has put the idea of only pooping in her loo as a way of manipulating visits. You can’t stop him going there …
Could you go toilet shopping with your son and let him choose a new toilet for your house… or get disposable toilet covers ? Or let him see you clean your toilet so he can use it?…..
my DD became constipated after refusing to use the toilet on holiday - she was put on meds which basically made it impossible to ‘hold it in’… we got books from the library which made pooing normal and we used to wave off the poop 😂
Shes 14 now and is still a huge germaphobe… I still have to clean toilets when we go away !

I certainly hope that child is alright. From the comments on here I am quite concerned. As presumably is the grandmother.
There have been cases in the past where relatives have been concerned about children and been ignored, only for the situation to end in tragedy.

YANBU. She has massively overstepped the line. I’d be furious too

Firstly, she didn’t bypass a parent, she bypassed op, not the df.
Secondly, the whole story does not make sense. I still don’t understand the issue with the pooing. How can the child only go at granny’s? What does he do the rest of the time.
Of course we only ever hear one side of the story, but even stories on MN usually make some kind of sense.

Stop sleepovers on your time (unless helpful to you) and she can see him on your exes time. Write to gp asking only parents can make appointments. See my post ‘aibu to reduce contact with ex mil’ I do not ever see her now, I get an occasional merry Xmas text, and life is so much more peaceful.

You of course only have the OPs side of the story. Ex and exMIL might put a very different slant on the situation. I do not think we have been given enough information to condemn the grandmother as others seem to be doing.

That is unusual advice when you consider the op has had a restraining order against her in the past. Unsafe even.

What I meant is as it's too late to edit.She doesn't have to be the one who arranges alone time with his grandmother.

Her ex can arrange that himself with his own mother. He used to live with his mother, so contact with his son took place in his mother's house. He can carry on facilitating the contact with his mother.

And his behavior is worsening, because he's now being split between three houses, instead of two

So all the more reason for his father to take him to his mother's house, or she can go to his.

Well actually it is. Isn't it taking out of the days at the op has with her own son.

Why isn't the child's father facilitating contact between his son and his own mother

The op should step back and her ex.Partner can arrange for his son to see his mother when he has him
It's got nothing to do with the op

True.

Who decides no alone time with grandmother? It is not OPs decision.

That is all utterly wrong. Under no circumstances do this.

I think if she goes back to a restraining order, surely that can be enforced.

But if the father is happy for the grandmother to have alone time with the son, it’s completely fine. The mum can’t just make up random rules about what the grandma can and can’t do under the father’s watch. It has nothing to do with the mum.

There is something really bizarre about this situation. Op has a child who loves his granny and will only do a poo at her house and yet op wants to stop him having contact with her. Yet lots of people are saying she is doing what is best for her child. It doesn’t sound like that to me. Fgs op give your head a wobble and think for a moment. Get together with child’s father and sort this out. You are letting your own dislike of ex and ex mil get in the way of your child’s relationship with them. You are not the only one who can make decisions about your child. You are not the only one who loves him.

Did she pretend to be you when making the appointment? She’s a cf, stop communications with her immediately and put security blocks on medical places and nursery/schools. She’s sounds totally disrespectful. The poo scenario needs to be dealt with, tell her that until ds becomes able to go elsewhere he won’t be at here’s as it’s having a negative effect on his toiletting issues. Then deal with it your own way without her input. She sounds well dodgy.

Dh had to fight tooth and nail to get his kids GP to speak to him. They tried to insist they wouldn’t see the kids unless his ex was present.

i strongly suspect had she got in the room they wouldn’t have been able to discuss anything with her unless it was an emergency.

having said that, women get away with much more when it comes to children. I once had to take step dc to a&e- they automatically assumed I was mum and I had to tell the I did not have PR, they needed to wait for dad.

She shouldn't be eating into your time with your son. You get your time with your son, your ex gets his time with his son and your mul is eating into your time with your son.

Just stop any contact with her alone.And she can go and see him when he's with your ex.

The gp can’t be expected to know that though?

stop engaging. Let your ex sort it and block her.

i’m not divorced but don’t have this level of interaction with il’s. Dh sorts visits and whatnot.

it’s not your job to facilitate his family’s relationship. It’s his.

Which is why I said what I said re df in my post, so no alone time with grandmother.

The child has a father.