To think siblings aren’t automatically worth keeping in your life?

That was meant to say : we turned up to the airport in school shoes and no socks* in our school break holidays. Grandma was shocked as to why we were in school shoes and had like no sneakers or anything like that. And why we came on vacation with no socks. She had to go shopping for us for everything.

Im nc with pretty much everyone. I had a rough childhood, alcoholic parents where you literally felt like alcohol was more important than yourself and your siblings to. it was hard because we would go without a lot of things in our childhood so as my parents could buy beers, cider wine Vodka, it was just pretty horrendous, and I just really had a lot of Horrible experiences from my childhood. Invitong people back to the house from the pub, where they abused me, where my parents openly had sex with other people in front of one another and encouraging one another to do things to their friends. Meanwhile we are teens in the next room . . We never had money. We never had the correct uniform and we would go to visit our family in the states and we tirned upnto the airport in jeans and school shoes with no socms and my grandma was really shocked. . I actually hate alcohol now. And my siblings also went down wrong paths. I don't know if this was because my parents weren't really there for us, but my siblings are violet, vicious people. They are drug addicts. I only recently got in contact with one of my siblings, which started off Okay, but then the next day I got threats not just towards myself but towards my children also.
Every time I see my parents they kick off at me and start throwing horrible accusations at me. Calling me a bad mom, they direct a lot of verbal abuse towards my children as well and it's just really difficult, because I've tried so much to help them. And now I've taken a step back to focus on myself and my family, I tried so much to help the sibling who lost all their children to drugs yet. I'm the bad person for settling and be normal for having a husband and children.

In the end it's just not worth it. Both parents and siblings can be toxic. And it can affect you and your mental health and wellbeing.

Im just glad my husbands family are normal, kind and warm people and my kids are all just really lovely little people. And I will do all I can for them to have a great childhood and memories.

Interesting to read this today.

My brother has been a drug addict for 15 years. My parents always give him money and my mum laughs off his behaviour even now which appalls me. He’s been on everything, including heroin. It is not funny.

He often messages me asking for money. He’s managed to keep a job and 2 weeks ago finally lost it.
My parents are currently giving him £2k a month to live on.

You can’t even speak to him, he’s all self pitying, defensive and that the world owes him something. He is nearly 40.
I feel so angry with him.

Some of us have children and responsibilities.
He’s barely ever bought a present for DD (7) and when I see him I pay for everything, he can’t even scrape enough change together to buy me a drink.
I have no desire to speak to him or see him again. Feel done.

I definitely do not think that siblings are great or that you have to keep them in your life. I think my experiences with my brother are why I chose to stick to one child also.

I always thought my sister and I would grow old together, but as time has gone on things went downhill. It was always me texting/calling to ask how she was. I only ever heard from her when she’d had a row with her husband/fallen out with people at work.

There was a period in time when I got signed off work with burnout/severe utis for a month and then back to work on a phased 3 month approach. I was worried I would lose my job/be unable to pay my mortgage for myself and my young son. Did she call or text? Did she fuck! After that I told my mum I didn’t want anymore contact. That’s been about 4-5 years now I think….

Absolutely not. I have a sister and a brother and I can't be arsed with either of them.
They've both got children and of the 5 DCs, I tolerate one of them - I don't know them well enough to like them.
Both siblings are toxic, both have issues with addiction and substance misuse, and frankly, I wouldn't choose them as friends, so no need to be close with them as family. My friends treat me a whole lot better.

It is a very silly phrase. The subtext is clear, but taking it at face value is like saying 'oranges are oranges'. Okay, you've stated something breathtakingly obvious, is there anything else to add?

I’ve 2 younger siblings.
One has MH issues and the other is self absorbed. I have cancer and life is as shit as it can get right now. My brother doesn’t want to know. My fault apparently, for moving away. CBA with him.

I’m one of 6 - I’m very close to my 3 sisters but could really take or leave my brothers. One is just alright, we’re quite distant but the other is absolutely useless, rude, arrogant - I could go on! I’ve already told DM that once she passes we will no longer be in contact.

100%. There is definitely an element of feeling you have to maintain a relationship because you are siblings but I don’t see why there should be - I’ve all but removed my DS from my life because she treated me like dirt, I wouldn’t put up with that from a friend, I won’t put up with that from my DS.

This, when parents are gone it's gives you absolute freedom with no awkwardness to say bye bye.
Nothing to bind you anymore.

Not unreasonable at all - I’m an only child and sadly, sometimes feel that way about my parents. Don’t get me wrong, they’re fundamentally not bad people and I had a nice childhood but they are insecure, toxic and two faced and I’ve noticed it more the older I get

Exactly. I couldn't put this any better, and I don't know why some people fail to understand this.

Friends are the family you choose for yourself.

Family you get no choice. Dosent mean you get on, or have anything in common or that they won't treat you badly. Family often do.

Life's too short to keep trying to make it work with people your not comfortable with or who stress you put and don't enhance your life.

Just choose people who enhance your life and are not hard work.or stressful.

I though everyone knew this anyway.

Of course not - they are just people, and so no different to anyone else.

If you like them, that's great, you can choose to spend time with them.
If you don't like them, you probably won't see them very often, or at all.

I think most adults naturally find what works for them, just as they do with other friends and acquaintances.

I struggle to give lifelong loyalty to the person who spent the first half of my life putting me down and joined in with making my home life miserable because I wasn't lucky enough to be just like them 🙄

I come from a family where "family first!" was shoved down our throats from day one. I might have upset the apple-cart with that one...

My sibling and I are two very different people, with vastly different interests, opinions and lifestyles. We got on mildly better once my sibling moved out, simply because we didn't have to live together anymore. Unless you know our family well, you're very unlikely to realise that we're actually related. We don't look, sound or act alike, and our personalities are very different. We send polite messages to say Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas, and only see each other at rare family events. After the brief greeting, we just don't have anything to speak about.

I'm really glad that there is a 100 mile distance between us. It is a nice buffer zone of peace and quiet.

Same with me. I have 3 brothers and when our DM is gone I just can’t see any of us really keeping in contact. I don’t have any bad feelings towards them but we are all different and just not close at all.

My SIL has serious mental health and personality problems. She's quite dangerous. I suspect BPD/EUPD but I don't think she's diagnosed, mostly because she lies a lot to health professionals and as soon as she gets a hint they suspect EUPD she never sees that professional again. I say I think because she lies a lot to me as well- she said she had been diagnosed with ADHD, ASD, BPD and GAD and was being medicated for all of them, then she said that actually her then-boyfriend (not a HCP) had "diagnosed" all of them and bought drugs off the dark web to "treat" them. The she accused him of drugging her (even though she participated willingly in all of this), managed to get into a women's refuge and they moved her away. She says she's done all this to protect her son, but she's left her son with his Dad and not seen him for months.

She told me months ago that she no longer wanted her son "ruining" her life, she wished she'd had an abortion, and she had a plan to leave the area and get a nicer house with a dog. She's extremely skilful at manipulation and has successfully manipulated the domestic abuse charity she's with to make all this happen for her.

Anyway, I digress, but over the 10 years I've known her she has been absolute chaos and attempts to help her have always spectacularly backfired. I don't like her, but I do feel sympathy for her because of the things which made her the way she is. Having said that, she's nearly 50 now and is still using her childhood as the excuse for everything.

My husband said he was done with her a long time ago and I've tried to maintain contact because I don't want him to lose his sibling, even though I'm her main target for vitriol when she goes off. I have stopped now and stepped back after some particularly bad behaviour at the start of this year which was just too draining for us. She occasionally sends me a message, usually full of flattery and sweetness and light, which I either ignore or remind her why we're not in contact. Can't bring myself to block her completely though.

Oh how I agree!!! I have not spoken or seen my sister in over 10 years. Ghastly creature who lies and stole money from me and other people. Last saw her in court over 10years ago now.I will never ever speak to her again. She will never get near my children for sure. I can never understand what went wrong with her.my parents would be turning in their graves.

My brother is an alcoholic although he can function at work etc. he has increasingly turned dependent on me for support and personality wise is so like my dm who I only have a text relationship with.

A month ago I told him that he is an alcoholic and needs to get help, said some other stuff that was on my mind too about him being judgemental. Not heard from him since. He's a user and will be back for free therapy from me but I have to say it's been very healing not having to deal with him.

I may just not answer when he inevitably calls

I haven’t spoken to my sister in 5 years, someone on mumsnet told me that is abusive 😂 despite the fact she has been absolutely vile to me and did something completely unforgivable but it’s “abusive” to go NC apparently. Well I’m much happier now without her in my life.

I love one of my siblings and would gladly never see the other again!

I have three siblings that I get on OK with. We've had our ups and downs over the years but we are still there for each other. Despite this I was happy to have just one child and don't feel that I've let him down not having more so he has siblings.

A friend of mine has two siblings, both younger than her. She was expected to help bring them up. they are both toxic beyond belief and treat her appallingly. I always think "Jeez Louise, either go low contact with them or cut them off totally, they'll always be horrific to you and cause you grief". They cause her an immense amount of stress and trauma and yet she won't stop seeing them and allowing this to go on, because her culture says family is important above all.

Siblings aren't always the blessing they should be and way too many parents mess up their children's relationships with each other in the way they handle raising their kids.

I’m one of 4 - one of them I’m only in touch with because it would upset my parents so much if I wasn’t. I suspect eventually 2 of us will cut her off.

I have two older "half" siblings and one younger one. My oldest one is an alcoholic and doesn't speak to his own children. He's met my oldest DC twice and has never seen my youngest who's 10. It's all for a very good reason. The whole "family is family" doesn't wash with us. We've been on the receiving end of too much heartbreak by so called family.

I don't have much of a relationship with my sister - big age gap - or any cousins.
I've never subscribed to the "But they're family" way of thinking. Why should you have an affinity with people you've nothing in common with because of genes.