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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend makes little digs

64 replies

Irritatingmen · 18/08/2025 10:09

I’m buying a house and have been a bit cagey about the price (because I’m receiving help) and also so as not to tempt fate. I haven’t found anywhere yet.

i am very close to my friends and we talk about a lot but one keep asking quite personal questions - how much is your salary? Whats your budget? What are you looking for?

I know that she wants to buy a house with her partner but I don’t know her salary, where they are looking, what their budget is and she’s keeping it all close to her chest. Fine but then why push me.

Anotehr friend of mine has recently bought and randomly volunteered how much they paid and what the process was like. I mentioned to first friend and she said, oh yes I like it when people are open about things, it’s so much nicer isnt it than being secretive. I smiled and said yes that’s true but I guess it’s hard when you’re in the middle of it and still looking - said I thought my other friend could now be more open given they were out the other side.

Am I being over sensitive or would others be annoyed about this too? It seems like double standards a bit

OP posts:
LadyKenya · 18/08/2025 13:23

Drivingthevengabus · 18/08/2025 12:13

Anyone can work out how much you are paying for a house so it's hardly a secret. But asking what you earn is very rude.

Personally, I'd be happy to say 'We're looking for a 3 bed semi in x area. Mum and dad/granny/great uncle fred are kindly helping us out a bit.' but leave it at that. With a really good friend I would be happy to discuss the budget.

Why though? What are the benefits of discussing the budget with people/ friends who are not helping you financially? There is no need.

mondaytosunday · 18/08/2025 13:22

Just say you don’t feel comfortable talking about your finances. As to when she says things about it’s nicer than being secretive, point out that she herself isn’t exactly open about it!
House hunting can feel all consuming and hard not to talk about I know!

HenDoNot · 18/08/2025 13:20

friend of mine has recently bought and randomly volunteered how much they paid and what the process was like. I mentioned to first friend

You’re a gossip.

If you don’t want to tell your friend anything about your own house search and purchase, why are you discussing someone else’s entirely, why even bring the subject up at all if you know it’s going to prompt more of her questions?

It’s almost as if you’re deliberately goading your friend.

Original poster
Irritatingmen · 18/08/2025 13:10

@Screamingabdabz thats quite rude.

Where did I say I was better off? I’m not smug and I wasn’t gossiping.

OP posts:
NikEik · 18/08/2025 12:51

I would take this as a firming up of knowing where your boundaries are. You don't want to discuss your salary or financial details with your friends (I am exactly the same). That also means you do not discuss other people's - even if they volunteered it to you. They told you, no one else - even if you didn't share the specifics.
Then think about how you will gently make it clear that this is your boundary if someone asks (I think most people know not to - that is the kind of information that may be volunteered but never asked?). Less about this individual friend who - yes - does seem to be sending out mixed messages! To a lesser extent so were you though.

Absentmindedsmile · 18/08/2025 12:38

Screamingabdabz · 18/08/2025 10:20

I don’t think it’s a sign of close friendship to be secretive. Funny how you don’t mind gossiping about other people’s financials. But you clearly understand the triggers for her ‘digs’ and you seem quite smug about how much better off you are, so if you have any kind of care for her, just forgive it and move on.

That’s exactly what I thought

BTECBetty · 18/08/2025 12:35

DeLaRuiz · 18/08/2025 11:24

Yes, that’s your answer, that’s your norm. On a discussion forum there are many different norms. Amongst my family and friends we would wonder why you are so cagey and what you were hiding from.

Show quote history

Are you all nosy bleeders?

Drivingthevengabus · 18/08/2025 12:13

Anyone can work out how much you are paying for a house so it's hardly a secret. But asking what you earn is very rude.

Personally, I'd be happy to say 'We're looking for a 3 bed semi in x area. Mum and dad/granny/great uncle fred are kindly helping us out a bit.' but leave it at that. With a really good friend I would be happy to discuss the budget.

DarklingIlisten · 18/08/2025 12:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ due to privacy concerns.

QPZM · 18/08/2025 11:56

i am very close to my friends and we talk about a lot but one keep asking quite personal questions - how much is your salary? Whats your budget? What are you looking for?

The salary question is the only one I'd consider out of order there.

The rest just sounds like an interested friend.

YodasHairyButt · 18/08/2025 11:49

There’s nothing secretive about expecting other people to respect your privacy. Tell her that. And tell her to stop being so bloody nosey while you’re at it.

hangerup · 18/08/2025 11:46

@MounjaroMounjaro not sure what confused you about my post

MounjaroMounjaro · 18/08/2025 11:41

hangerup · 18/08/2025 10:15

I think a lot of people are quite relaxed about it particularly as it's so easy to look up these days. I have always discussed rough budget with friends. We are all open about having help too.

Yet this friend isn't open, is she? She's just being nosy.

Account734 · 18/08/2025 11:40

You are perfectly entitled to keep your finances private. I think it's beyond rude to ask how much someone earns. And I completely agree, the people who are helping you have a right to privacy too. If word gets out that they helped you they will probably get asked by others for help too. Do them a favour and keep quiet about their help.

Edited to add, if she doesn't stop asking you just dig back and tell her you like it when people respect other's financial privacy. She sounds annoying.

DarklingIlisten · 18/08/2025 11:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ due to privacy concerns.

Peachbellini007 · 18/08/2025 11:34

Could it just be that she’s also in the process of buying a house and having a friend to chat about financial side and the stresses of moving might be beneficial to her?

Maybe because you are cagey you are getting anxiety about these questions you are believing your friend has malicious intent in her questions.

DoRayMeMeMe · 18/08/2025 11:27

When Ms. Nosey Parker asks then just say- “You go first, matey, or is just that my finances can be public knowledge, but yours are a state secret?”

DeLaRuiz · 18/08/2025 11:24

Coconutter24 · 18/08/2025 11:22

I didn’t tell my family how much equity I got from my house sale and how much of that I was using, they don’t know how much I earn either. They knew how much my house was costing because it’s online for all to see but all the other info is irrelevant to them. I trust them completely but it’s my business and they don’t need to know any of that information.

Show quote history

Yes, that’s your answer, that’s your norm. On a discussion forum there are many different norms. Amongst my family and friends we would wonder why you are so cagey and what you were hiding from.

Coconutter24 · 18/08/2025 11:23

I wouldn’t share the ins and outs of my business with anyone whether I’m in the middle of it or completed it. It’s no one else’s business but mine

Coconutter24 · 18/08/2025 11:22

DeLaRuiz · 18/08/2025 11:17

Well if you don’t want to share your deets, then they aren’t really friends, they’re just acquaintances. Unless you call people you don’t trust “ friends”?

I didn’t tell my family how much equity I got from my house sale and how much of that I was using, they don’t know how much I earn either. They knew how much my house was costing because it’s online for all to see but all the other info is irrelevant to them. I trust them completely but it’s my business and they don’t need to know any of that information.

DeLaRuiz · 18/08/2025 11:17

Well if you don’t want to share your deets, then they aren’t really friends, they’re just acquaintances. Unless you call people you don’t trust “ friends”?

stayathomer · 18/08/2025 10:48

You’re both just very different- I’d be more your friends’ style, talking about it but I get everyone is different

DarklingIlisten · 18/08/2025 10:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ due to privacy concerns.

Dozer · 18/08/2025 10:46

And it certainly was gossiping: ‘it’s nice that Julie’s house purchase has gone through. She told me how much it’s cost her, which was open of her’

Dozer · 18/08/2025 10:46

And it certainly was gossiping: ‘it’s nice that Julie’s house purchase has gone through. She told me how much it’s cost her, which was open of her’

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