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Original poster

Wedding invites - is this bitter of me?

115 replies

ellie09 · 18/08/2025 08:06

I've been with fiance for 3 years and we are getting married next year.

This year, there has been two weddings in his family where I have not been invited but my fiance has.

Fiance has a large extended family who all live quite a bit away and its difficult to get them altogether (even he hasn't seen his cousins in years).

Am I being bitter to say to my fiance that yes, he should invite his cousins, but we shouldn't be inviting the partners then either, considering I wasnt invited to theirs?

We are having quite a small wedding (50-60 people) and want to try and keep costs down.

Fiance thinks we should be the bigger people and just invite their partners as they are married, even though he has only met their partners at the weddings (which I wasnt invited to as his partner).

Should I stick to my guns and insist family members only and no partners or as fiance says, be the bigger person and invite their partners?

OP posts:
Bananapotato · 18/08/2025 08:29

Just get him to pay in proportion to the % of guests from his side. So if he wants his cousins partners there it’ll cost him an additional x amount per one of them.

Original poster
ellie09 · 18/08/2025 08:24

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 18/08/2025 08:18

I would not invite any of them. Why have such rude people at your wedding.?

Because fiance is going to the weddings, so even I think its a bit rude to exclude the cousins from ours in that case - but I think we shouldn't feel bad about excluding partners as they have done so with theirs.

The next one he's going to is 2.5 hours away and he has to stay up for the night with his family as its too far to come home that night (which will mean me looking after all our pets, two cats and a dog plus get son off to school and work that day from home).

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 18/08/2025 08:22

No don’t invite partners. The way I view it is I would invite the partner if they didn’t know anyone else at the wedding because I wouldn’t want them to be alone or left out. But in this situation just invite all the cousins and have them sit on a table together.

CrumpledBlouse · 18/08/2025 08:20

As a cost reduction measure, sure. As some kind of wedding tit for tat, no.

For all you know, their logic is the ghastly but often-quoted ‘no ring, no bring’ — in which case you will be automatically invited to any future weddings, if that’s what’s bothering you?

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 18/08/2025 08:18

I would not invite any of them. Why have such rude people at your wedding.?

arcticpandas · 18/08/2025 08:17

I think it's perfectly fine to match their efforts. In general I'm all for being the bigger person when children are involved but this is just a question of adults. They chose to keep their costs down by not inviting you so surely they will understand that you would do the same. No problem. They might even be relieved not having to go😅.

Bananapotato · 18/08/2025 08:17

Ask your partner to pay the costs proportionately to his share of the guests then.

Original poster
ellie09 · 18/08/2025 08:16

Bananapotato · 18/08/2025 08:12

Ask your partner what he wants to do.

He said it only seems fair to invite the partners as they will be married.

But at a huge cost per head, in which we are both paying a wedding 50/50 (and my guest numbers are lower), I don't think its fair to expect me to pay some of their costs, when neither of us know them.

Maybe that's their theory when planning their weddings. Which I completely get and is my theory also, which is why I dont think we should extend the invite.

They also had an opportunity to meet me or have me meet the extended family twice now ahead of my own wedding, but this hasn't happened. Its one of those families where everyone wont be in the same room unless its a big event like this.

OP posts:
ShesTheAlbatross · 18/08/2025 08:14

I wouldn’t invite them because neither of you know them and you’re having a small wedding.

I wouldn’t do it as a “you didn’t invite me so I’m not inviting you” revenge.

I have 20 cousins, I’m one of the eldest and DH has only met some of these cousins once. I wouldn’t automatically expect spouses to be invited when they get married, as that would add such a large number to the guest list.

Bananapotato · 18/08/2025 08:12

Ask your partner what he wants to do.

RosesAndHellebores · 18/08/2025 08:11

I think they were wrong not to invite you but two wrongs don't make a right and I agree with your fiance. He sounds nice.

Right or wrong, now that these partners are married to cousins, they are family and regardless of the past, it would be wrong not to invite them.

Diarygirlqueen · 18/08/2025 08:11

I would not be inviting them.

scrimblescramble · 18/08/2025 08:11

Yes, I would stick to your guns.. neither of you know them so why would you pay for their meal etc?

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 18/08/2025 08:10

Absolutely don't invite partners. They set the bar and as you want to keep numbers down then thats fair.

Its nothing to do with being a bigger person. It's about your wedding and what you want.

You dont even have to invite the cousins.

ACynicalDad · 18/08/2025 08:09

If you’re not going to see them for the next decade why feed them. You can be the bigger person, or a door mat.

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