To find these comments from new mum friend intensely irritating

Sounds like overcompensating to me. Maybe she has PND.

But if she does it with a head tilt to indicate "aww you don't love your baby as much, shame" then yanbu.

Yes makes you want to vomit.

Oh, dear, poor Kevin. He is going to end up with a 'smother'. Does she have nothing else to focus her brain on? Children need to be allowed to become acclimatised to the world and nothing better than spending a few hours with the other very close members of family while mum gets a short break in the first few months.

Oh fgs just let her have her moment and let it wash over you! She's got something she desperately wanted and won't realise how it comes across, just let it in one ear and out of the other!

I think you’re coming across as a bit bitchy, to be honest, and slightly patronising. It sounds like she’s very recently had her baby so maybe give her a break?

For what it’s worth, while I didn’t witter in about bonds, I couldn’t leave DD with anyone hardly ever. And that was because I was so bloody anxious and had undiagnosed post-natal depression. And didn’t really have anyone to leave her with either. So I would have been so envious of you for being able to do that.

We've all said cringey things as new or expectant parents however the backhanded dig at leaving my baby for a few hours would annoy me so if that sort of comment continues I'd either have to challenge her on it or start keeping my distance from her.

I think sometimes people doing this type of thing are projecting for some reason. The best way is to not rise to it. Simply say “oh I don’t mind giving myself some restbite for a few hours as it’s so full on with a newborn.” Or “oh you don’t leave him ever, ok fair enough.”

grey rock as they say.

That was me.

Because it read from the OP that this wasn't a new mum friend in the sense of a friend she had made since becoming a mum but a longer standing friend who was the most recent to have had a baby in the friendship group.

A new friend made through being a mum, I'd distance myself.

A long standing friend who was just the most recent in the group to have a baby, I'd say something or ignore and be irritated in silence.

I wouldn't see it as a reflection of me in any any though and it seems that the OP is concerned about that.

My suggestions were more to help her manage/reframe the irritation in a friendship group she wants to stay part of rather than to tell her she should stay friends with every irritating person she meets just because they are also a 'new mum.

Either way, if she doesn't want to spend time with this woman any more, she doesn't have to. But she's an adult and probably already knows that herself.

Meh. All stages pass and she'll have her own struggles again soon enough, just let her have her happy moment. If she's saying this stuff on WhatsApp and you're bored by it then skim read, it takes seconds of your day at most. If it's in person then I expect you have your baby to occupy yourself with. Most people chitter on about themselves a lot in life, just get used to nodding and smiling instead of taking it all so seriously and making it all about you.

Look, even if she does think that, other than being irritating to listen to, it doesn't reflect on any of the rest of you.

I don't think anyone is trying to undermine you. It is irritating but everyone else will see it for what it is too. Its a reflection on her and her feelings and not you and yours.

Basically, you can say something about it - there have been some good lighthearted 'holding a mirror up' suggestions on here.

You can ignore it

You can stop spending time with her.

But don't worry about what other people might think it says about you because it says nothing.

This really
we all do cringe stuff after having a baby…I know I did.

Yeah would annoy me. I would distance myself as would dread seeing her. I would have to say something back tit for tat like yea it’s so painful leaving them but it will make it easier for them come nursery time. I’m only thinking of them/putting them first.

I can see why you feel triggered by her comments but I don't think she is being calculated. In fact her descriptions of her intense feelings actually sound a little but too intense she might be suffering with some very high levels of anxiety. The idea that she could never be sepeated from her baby at all is quite extreme. I would ignore her comments keep an eye on her, she may spiral a bit.

I’m really happy for her that she has bonded so closely with her baby - she’s incredibly lucky. Or maybe unlucky in years to come when she can’t detach herself when her child really needs some independence and ends up being quite incapable as a result- who knows how it will play out.

“Ah yes, I remember that feeling. It’s actually great now though because our attachment is secure so we’re able to be apart for short periods without [my baby] becoming distressed, because he knows I’m coming back.”

Nature makes mums this way so that we protect our babies.
In this case seems like nature went on a splurge. 😂

Because that's what OP is annoyed by, and she doesn't sound defensive or any of the other snarky attempts to undermine her - she just sounds a bit irritated by an irritating woman who thinks and has hinted broadly that she loves her baby more than the other mums

Does it matter though?

Yes, it's irritating but it has no actual impact on anyone else.

Yeah she's being annoying but she's just articulating the strength of the effect that all those lovely oxytocin molecules are having on her brain. Of course the unique bond between her and her baby is the strongest bond of love that has ever existed in the universe (so is yours, so is everyone elses). Also, when her baby goes on sleep-strike and won't be put down for more than 20 minutes over a period of months,she will discover a new level of tiredness that no one has ever experienced before. But you can bet anything that if she was actually destitute without access to food and shelter for her and her baby unless she works, that bond of love would 100% drive her to finding a way to leave the baby with someone trustworthy so she could go out and work. It's great that she doesn't have to.

She's irritatingly un self-aware but I would forgive her naivete and either change the subject or make a joke of it if a bit of gentle ribbing about being the most loving mum the universe has ever created isn't something that might misfire.

She’s got a serious case of PFB syndrome. Just remind her of it later, so you can all have a laugh about it TOGETHER. Tbf, most of us felt that way about our newborn, we just didn’t voice it as much. Use humour to deflect - “can’t imagine ever leaving Kevin, I love him too much”…..”Thank fuck for that, you won’t be asking me to babysit” kind of thing.

I get why it’s annoying OP. When my little one was a week or two old and breastfeeding what felt like 20 hours a day I joking messaged my friend about running out of box sets and she replied “oh, I don’t think I ever watched TV with mine, I was too busy staring at her beautiful face in wonder.” She probably didn’t mean anything by it but I really felt upset at the time, that she was saying I wasn’t loving or appreciating my baby properly by watching Line of Duty over his shoulder with the subtitles on 😂

Your friend sounds similarly oblivious, I’d just avoid telling her much about your life during this time when she is a bit mad.