To think we should cancel our holiday

There is no part of the country where £150k isn’t enough for a deposit on a house (and I am writing from inner London) - what’s the hold-up here? What are you waiting for?

I think the US trip is a bit of a red herring. In the long run it doesn’t matter if you go or don’t, but the inheritance money must be put in a suitable account and used for the (shared?) goal of buying a house, and there needs to be a better approach to shared finances generally. Especially if you have / are planning children, where planning and expense management can quickly breed resentment in couples.

Do you currently own a house? As if not I don't understand why you didn't use the inheritance for that initially.
I think the fact you mention buying nice things for the house suggests you do already own somewhere. To me this means that as well as differences in managing money you have different outlooks - you want the money to go to a bigger home, DH isn't fussed and wants to spend.
I don't think either of you are necessarily unreasonable and as many others have asked, who was the inheritance specifically left to?

@LoftyLilacDeer do you have DC with your DH?

If not, please try to sort financial goals beforehand. If you do, then he is being reckless with their future, particularly as you don't have a house.

@LoftyLilacDeer Sounds like you are financially incompatible which is a huge red flag.

Are you on the same page about owning a house? I think the vast majority of people who get given £180k who don't have a house and want one would put it towards that goal (seeing that you have already spent £30k on 'luxuries').

I honestly don't know how you move forward. He is a spendthrift (love that word). My gran told me to avoid these types of people at all costs.

Do you ever think you will be working towards the same financial goals? Does he recognize he is shit with money? Is he willing to change? What are his parents like with money? Do they fritter it away as well?Finances is one the most common reasons for getting a divorce.

Also wondering what type of wedding did you have? I do think people who spend a lot on their weddings relative to their income often have fucked up finances - all about the 'show' not about the marriage.

He is consistently showing you who he is. Only you and he will know if he has the capacity to change, and if he doesn't, whether you can put up with it.

It sounds like the savings are in his name, and you have to ask to see it periodically to check how much is there?
Why is this? And can you change it?

It doesn't seem sensible to hold it in his account given he's financially irresponsible. Does he agree with your opinion on how he is with money?

At the risk of sounding like the kind of person
people hate, and as a rule I agree with them that internet diagnosis of any kind is annoying: the way you describe his way of dealing with money and general ditziness with forgetting stuff and making silly Mistakes reminds me so much of myself before I was medicated for adhd I didn’t even realise I had.
its just a thought, if it doesnt apply to him (there will be other symptoms if it is ADHD) then feel free to ignore me.

That 150k will be gone if you leave him with access to it. And no, do not go on the holiday. Irresponsibility with money is how people end up failing to pay off their mortgage. This is really serious. You need financial counselling, now.

Ignoring the tribe of elephants in the room and attempting to answer the question you asked: you have the trip booked, and if you cancel you only lose the cost of the flights, which were comped anyway, right? There's an argument to rationalise cancelling, then, and you certainly CAN cancel in good conscience. But what about the interests that drove you to book the trip in the first place - at least some desire to visit the USA, and a feeling that the savings from the free flight vouchers made this a particularly advantageous time to visit? I guess I don't really see anything in your posts that tells me why that's no longer the case, that it's no longer desirable to go to the USA even with the savings? I'm not saying that nothing has changed; you'll factor any changes in desire to travel to your original destination in to your final decision, but if you want to go to the USA it's not going to get any cheaper and you may not have a chance at free flights again. If you do take this trip or any trip, budget in detail and stick to the budget. The USA is expensive, but it's also a place where you can very often get a very desirable bargain OR get massively ripped off on the same purchase.

edit duplicate post

Saving for a house? £150k is a huge deposit. You’re pissing rent money up the wall. You’re not being very wise with money either

@LoftyLilacDeer keep in mind if the £150k is with one bank you are only covered for £85k if something happens and the bank goes under.

What kind of account is the money sitting in !! How is it not earning interest??

you both sound clueless about money tbh

What age is he? Has he any learning difficulties?

This would drive me insane. I don’t think I could stand to tie myself to it long term. Sorry, OP.

Was coming on to say exactly this! This is how we manage our finances, a joint current account for bills with a fixed amount going into it each month, a fixed amount of spending money going into individual accounts and the rest goes into savings.

The 150K as LoztWorld says get put into an account asap that can’t be touched without notice or if he won’t do that, get your £75K into a separate account ASAP (anything he has spent so far is without your agreement and comes out of his half). You then agree the deposit amount and get looking for a house ASAP. If he doesn’t have his half of the deposit at exchange then that would be a deal breaker for me and I’d take my £75K and go buy alone.

You are going to have to take control of the finances and really quickly as the one who is better at managing finances.

This. We've locked up money at our bank for 12 months. Much better interest rate. So simple to do you just go in, they move the money in your presence and it's safe.

You should both do the Rebel Finance school course on YouTube (free) and learn about ISA's, future planning, emergency cash funds etc.

Make an appointment with your accountant.
You are both losing out if you do not own a home and you do not have all your savings invested very wisely.

Who these days can afford an expensive holiday before buying a house?

That £150k is going to disappear anyway so you might as well get a holiday out of it,

Why can't you take over finances?

I'm with @Meadowfinch - I couldn't live with this kind of profligacy.

The problem is we have VERY VERY different priorities (have you noticed!!!) and having our own accounts saves a lot of arguments on day-to-day spend. And then I say “hey can we check the big savings pots” and it’s always just… a little bit lower. And he gets quite defensive when I ask where it is

I could not be doing with this.

I would be taking CONTROL - I don't want STD - sexually transmitted debt! Whatever you say about separate finances, at some point one of you will be dependent on the other. And what about if you have children?

He's terrible with money - I'd be running the household finances, and agreeing with him a weekly allowance for us both. I couldn't live with that carelessness over money.

Who's inheritance was it?

But whichever one of you lost a parent/close relative and inherited, most people don't see lump sums like that and it's important you don't treat it as income - it's capital, to be invested, not spent (unless you're earning twice that in a year, of course).

Sorry if dh was bequeathed it solely I meant.

If the lump sum was bequeathed the lump sum and wants to spunk it rather than invest in the future for you both I'd be concerned.
Was it a close relative? There just might be grief playing a part here somewhere.

I would use the money to get him assessed for adhd