To think we should cancel our holiday

This is a good illustration of why having separate finances is NOT a solution to different spending attitudes. All it does is hide the problem until one day the saving-minded partner realises how much the spending partner has frittered and gets furious.

You need jointly agreed spending rules, having done a budget and agreed financial goals. It’s boring but needs to happen.

I don’t agree by the way that if it was his inheritance it’s more up to him what to do with the money. You’re married, the money is joint. All that I have I share with you and all that.

That should have gone straight into a house deposit.

It doesn't sound as though you are financially suited at all.

You can't have separated finances and then claim that any inheritance is 'joint', it doesn't work like that.

Money is one of the number one reasons for divorce apparently so I wonder if it's worth seeing a marriage counsellor together to help you get on the same page. This is going to be a long term issue.

In the meantime, can you suggest locking the 150k into an account for 6 months that you can't touch? I'm not super up to speed but I know some ISA accounts for example won't let you withdraw for certain periods. Then use that time to see a financial adviser, agree what it'll be used for, and start the marriage counselling.

Although I think I you’re being very sensible wanting to keep the money for a house / make sure it’s working well for your family ultimately if it’s not your inheritance it’s not up to you.

If there are other issues in your marriage then he’s doing the right thing for him to not put the money into anything joint as it keeps it separate and easier to determine as “just his” in a divorce.

If he wants to fritter it all away ultimately it’s his decision and yours as to whether to stay with someone with such different financial outlook to you.

So when you say ‘we’ got inheritance from a relative, but HE hasn’t booked a financial advisor yet, do you mean it was his inheritance?

You say you don’t have joint finances but that “we” inherited £180k.

Inheritance is family money and is the one source of capital (in my opinion) that there is good justification in treating separately. Some legal systems treat it as non-matrimonial property in a divorce for this reason.

So, I guess my question is, whose inheritance is it? If it came from your husband’s family, it’s his choice how it’s spent (although you can obviously input if he’s willing to listen).

If it’s from your family, this is your money and I’d just make clear that it is not his to dip into.

Why do you need a financial advisor for £150k? They will fleece you for thousands.

I would like clarification on whether you own a house or not already. You have said that you spent a lot of money on household furniture but this seems a little odd if you don't own the house and that you have more than enough for a deposit for your own.

This makes me think it's more about differences in attitude to money/spending. You would rather see a return from it whereas your husband wants experiences.

He is never going to change, so I see only three options here.

1. Keep your finances entirely separate. Don't even look at his. Have a household account that only you have access to, that the bills get paid from. The downside of this is that if your husband takes out loans, you're on the hook for them too.
2. Take over the family finances and give him an allowance in an account that can't be in the red. If the money is gone, he can't spend anymore. He could probably still take out a loan and you'd still be screwed.
3. Divorce him before he ruins your finances along with his own.

Personally, I could not handle the stress of his financial ineptitude and would probably have divorced him by now. But that's just me.

Set the savings account up so you both have to sign to withdraw money and dont have cards for the account.

Maybe the person that got the inheritance doesn't want to spend it on a house deposit.

This. And also, you don't need to save for a house. You have £150k which is a massive deposit.

Although I'm guessing like others have said, it's actually your DH who has inherited the money and wants to keep it to access it but using the excuse of "saving for a house".

If your finances are separate are you sure the 150k is still there? Either way sounds like you’re not on the same page when it comes to money at all.

Im confused, you are saving for a house, got given the money two years ago yet still havnt bought a house but still havnt bought a house? Whats the reason behind this because I feel like the reason will help inform responses tbh, is it just wanting the right house in the right area to come up, is it work related where you have to hold off for a while, has he been putting it off etc?

"Two years ago we came into £180,000 from a relative."

His relative? Your relative?

"We’re supposed to be saving for a house."

So that means whoever didn't inherit is going to match the amount?

Why are you saving for a house if you have £150k sat there? Surely that’s the deposit for a house?

This.

You both seem to be clueless with money. You could have easily bought a house with a £180k deposit. Instead, you both agreed to spend some, rather than save. (Why the heck are you buying new furniture when you’re intending to move into a new house soon?) You were both involved in the decision to book a holiday in America.

You don’t need a financial advisor (who will just take more money on fees from you.) Just get it somewhere ringfenced and with decent growth. This should have been done within days of receiving it. 2 years of compound interest at the recent average stocks and shares ISA rates (which were below the last 10 years average, but still better than doing nothing) would have given you nearly £24000 return. 2 years in a Chase savings account at 4.75% would have given you around £8750 return. For doing nothing. Alternatively you could have bought a house and the mortgage payments going towards a financial asset instead of rent.

It’s not too late to do any of this. But if you have below £150k now you’ve got about £50k less than you would have if you’d not had your holidays and new furniture. WRT the holiday in the US - you have not yet spent any actual cash on it. You can accept the voucher is gone and just don’t go on the holiday. Or you can budget and go, enjoy it and accept another sum from your house deposit is gone. Both are valid choices, however both choices require you to sit down and make a plan. And you haven’t said yet whose inheritance it actually is - if it’s his, it’s his really and he can save or fritter it as he likes. But as a married couple you should have joint goals for your spending and saving. If it’s yours, why on earth are you waiting for him to see an advisor?

@tinyspiny hell would freeze over before I had a joint account with someone who threw money away like OP’s husband!! Imagine if he spent her entire monthly wages on a weekend away and then forgot he’d booked it till after the date.

Just to say you can safely save up to £1 million in NS&I (not just £85k). Added bonus for you would be if you put it in a bond in his name they automatically roll it over to another one (different interest rate depending on what is on offer at the time). You either cash it in, or after 30 days it is fixed for another 1 year. Might be worth automatic locking it away if he is so bad at managing money.

Two years ago we came into £180,000 from a relative.

I suspect this is incorrect. Only one of you inherited £180,000 and I suspect that this was your husband.

You stated that you are supposed to be 'saving for a house'. Surely. £180,000 was enough for a deposit?

Here's what I think you should do: make a deal with your husband that you will go on the holiday IF he agrees to put the remainder of the 150K in a high-interest ISA that neither of you can access for a certain amount of time, say 12 months.

For clarity, you can't just put £150k into an ISA - the limit is £20k pa each. The rest would need to go into an non-ISA high interest account.

If you have separate finances and the money was inheritance from a relative then (unless you’re related) presumably the money is either his or yours? Whose money actually is it? That makes a difference regarding who decides how to spend it! Otherwise it seems like you’re picking and choosing when to keep finances separate and when to consider them shared based on whether it suits you? If you’ve agreed money is separate then I don’t see how you can be frustrated if he doesn’t spend his money the way he wants to. If you want to make joint decisions you need joint finances and to be willing to compromise.

Lots of good advice on here op. I'll add my ten pence worth:

1. Get a financial advisor. Do it yourself, why are you asking DH to do it? Doesn't matter if the inheritance is his rather than yours, you can still discuss options.
2. Do a family budget (your fa will help with this if you don't know how to). Understand all your monthly income and outgoings.
3. Create a joint bank account for managing day to day family finances. Based on the budget you have just done, agree with DH the amount you will each contribute to this account from your income and set up standing orders
4. YOU manage all the household bills (including his credit card).
5. Set up another joint account (interest bearing) for short term savings. Again based on your budget agree with DH how much you will each contribute every month. This account is for large, infrequent purchases - big holidays, new car, major redecorating/repairs etc.
6. You can still have your own personal accounts with your own personal money in it if you want to.

Lastly, I agree with pps, surely £150k is enough for a deposit on a house? Get on and do it before you fritter it all away.

NB: all the above assumes you are talking to your DH and he is in agreement. If he isn't then you have a different problem.

This is all a bit confusing.
'Suppose to be saving for a house' gets gifted 180k....goes spend part of 30k on nice furniture for a (presumed) rental'😑