New man’s house is filthy

This. Is this a deal breaker for you??

I would have had to have left within the (probably half) hour - by suggesting getting a coffee out.

I am not terribly fussy, but OPs your descriptions of the place alone are visceral enough to cause nausea in most of us.

I don’t doubt your diagnosis OP, but wouldn’t take it too personally if others have queried it and in responding to them, unfortunately it’s slightly derailed the focus.

I think most of us are just incredulous that you could tolerate the place, especially to stay there (no matter how drunk) when even without a diagnosis and not even having high cleaning standards, we couldn’t.

Anyway, hopefully a bit more clarity on the situation, what’s your next move?

I agree, @cheesycheesy. How desperate can you get?

The d must be good for you to put up with a piss stinking house even when drunk

This sounds utterly horrendous op. I would not be able to sit down there let alone get naked in his bed! It would be a deal breaker for me. He was testing you, getting you round with skids in the toilet, you stayed and even agreed to go back another time! 🚩 jesus, id have had to shower myself down and burn my clothing when i got home. Yuck

This.
It is right that "He has a deep-seated problem and he has to admit it and want to do something about it and then take action."
If he cares about op and wants her to visit, one might think this would encourage him to do something about his house - but this seems difficult for him and he appears to need professional help. It's no good being in denial about this.

Mumsnet algorithms points out a link to this earlier AIBU to a poster who ends up co opted to tidying her boyfriends flat every time she goes round

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amibeingunreasonable/5318599-to-ask-my-boyfriend-to-clean-his-apartment-before-i-come-round?page=12

"...now sick of it and I spoke to him and asked if he wouldn’t mind cleaning the place before I came round because it’s not a nice environment to be in, it makes me uncomfortable and I also don’t want to spend half my Sunday cleaning his mess! He waits all weeks for it to build up and then does it on a Sunday when I am there to join in. And I don’t think it’s fair. I have my own house to clean. He has kicked off with me. He is furious. He said “how dare you tell me what to do with my own flat” and we haven’t spoken since Thursday night."...

It might be worth you looking into funded carers. Get yourself a package you are happy with, with the support of mum and bf. I imagine your mum is getting older, at some point her own health will inevitably mean she can’t care for you. Likewise bf can’t be relied on as a sole carer. Better to take that ownership for your own care now in gradual stages with support of mum and bf

This.

My partner's house is clean and generally tidy. Even so, I'm reluctant to go because his sofa is uncomfortable! I don't know how you could even contemplate carrying on the relationship if it means visiting (or cleaning up) a dirt and dog infested house.

What are you going to do OP? You probably feel mean if you dump him but it won't be easy to continue with him and this terrible house despite his 'loveliness'. In your place I think I'd end it, saying that 'this doesn't work for me, good luck for the future, etc' and say goodbye.

He has a deep-seated problem and he has to admit it and want to do something about it and then take action. He has to do this himself. You will end up being his cleaner and his therapist and I'm sure you deserve better.

I don't have OCD and I wouldn't have stayed.

What have you decided? Are you going to keep seeing someone who likes living in squalor?

Don’t get derailed OP. There are lots of other posts on here giving you advice. You haven’t responded to any of those.

I wouldn’t have to scrub my skin until I bleed after I leave a house this filthy 🤮

I have support from my mum and boyfriend anyway. I would prefer that to help from a stranger.

Can you apply for any home support?
Sounds really difficult. 🥰

It is just me here though. No kids. I would not be able to take care of them if I had them anyway. I know that.

I have tried every planner and list and everything under the sun.

People who suffer from poor executive functioning have to try harder, use lists, prioritise small tasks.

I don't have any natural organisational skills, I'm so clumsy, I'm distracted easily, however I trained myself with tricks, my cleaning for an entire song, putting away 5 items before i stop, I make lists.

My mother had poor executive functioning skills, our home wasn't clean, searching for a matching sock every morning, untidy uniform.

My children deserve clean clothing and a clean home with space.

Bins empty, clean dirty dishes, put on one wash is a minimum daily requirement for me.

Yes it does. I struggle with executive function. My hygiene with my self and home was mentioned in my own diagnostic report.