New man’s house is filthy

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking ‘poor man’ and trying to make excuses and fix it for him.

He’s an adult man living in filth and squalor. He’s dirty. His house is dirty. For gods sake raise your bar. 🫢

If you’re really keen on the relationship, tell him he needs professional deep cleaners for as long as they tell him it will take, and then to stay on top of it by cleaning the toilet and shower weekly minimum with proper scrubbing, vacuuming every second day, ideally keeping a couple of rooms dog free and vacuuming them weekly, sheets and towels hot washed weekly, and you can’t come over for the next month because you are romantically incompatible with filthy hovels.

I'm not the best at keeping on top of cleaning the house and I'm really untidy but there is absolutely no way I would have someone come over to my house without scrubbing it first, especially someone I was trying to impress!

I actually feel a bit sick at the description of his house. This guy absolutely doesn't care about living in filth and is telling you this loud and clear by his inaction.

However much I liked him as a person, I wouldn't be able to get past this. If you stay with him, you'll spend your life cleaning up after him because he simply doesn't care enough to do it.

Run for the hills!

Op, the dogs being allowed all over the house isn’t an issue. Many dog owners allow this and manage to keep their house clean. There is no reason the house should smell of piss. Either he is not walking the dogs enough for them to wee outside, or the smell is his own piss.

Please dump him, and be honest about why you are doing it. He needs some shame.

The first huge big red flag which would have had me running .

He used to have nine dogs!??
Unless he runs a dog holiday park that is absurd.

Megan, sister oof the groom, in Bridesmaids admitted to having taken home too many puppies when she took nine... and she was a special kind of superwoman.

@merrygoroundsssOP this is a serious health hazard. You are putting your health at serious risk by staying with this man. However lovely you feel he is.

Just to add a bit of humour...

Nope, nope, nope. He’s ‘trying to sort it’, but the problem is that he let it get into that state in the first place.
And actually, expecting you to use the toilet in its current state is massively disrespectful. Not to mention disgusting, obviously.
Doesn’t he smell?

I read your title alone and thought “walk away”. I then read your post. I still say “walk away”.
he’s not a project you can fix.

If his house is that dirty he’s that dirty and his clothes are that dirty. As in DIRTY.

This would be a dealbreaker for me. No way could I be intimate with someone who lived in filth, even if I never had to go to his house!

I would be wary to be too enthusiastic about how wonderful he is. I would tread carefully and see if he gets his act together.

He may want to stay at your place more which to me is a red flag at the start of a relationship (starts off one-sided). He will be eating more from your fridge, using your facilities and enjoying more of a clean environment (no doubt nice meals and snacks provided by yourself). He doesn’t have to lift a finger. Ugh.

It is fair at the start that you both enjoy visiting each other’s places and can be comfortable in both environments.

Yep. Desperate for a shag.
OP, you are worth more than this.
No, he's not a great guy.

Imagine the bed sheets 😱

A house this bad might speak to mental-health issues, such as depression. I think you should talk to him about that. What he says might surprise you.

He might have hoarder tendencies. Nine dogs would indicate so.

I'm sorry OP, but I think this is a deal-breaker, if he doesn't get some serious help. Your life will be made insanely hard if you take this issue on. And even without the cleanliness issue, this is someone who is OK living with 9 dogs. I would NOT be OK with that many dogs. He might have 2 now, but is that number going to explode?

And even if he had a clean house and only ever 1 dog, he's the kind of person that lets their dogs sleep in their bed! I would hate a partner who does this; I think it's foul and also invites the dog to think that the human is part of the pack and that they need guarding. Dog psychology is that they need to know they are in the pack and that the owner is the leader of the pack. That's why dogs should only ever get on the sofa at the invitation of the owner and should not sleep in the bed. They should not be treated as equivalent to humans, because that way lies trouble, such as the dog growling at a partner.

YMMV OP, but I would throw this one back.

Honestly it’s made me feel a bit sick just reading all of that, I could not have stayed or even gotten intimate. Skid marks, wtf? He is making light remarks to change, it will never happen

The man lives in squalor. It’s probably why his ex left.

He knew you were coming to his house and didn’t even clean the toilet bowl.

That’s nasty.

I used to have two dogs and a cat and the floor was immaculate because we used to run the Roomba many times during the day. It was the best for getting up fur.

There are minimum things you do when you live in a house/flat. It takes zero effort to run bleach in the toilet.

If you run out of bleach you can use a kitchen spray.

He doesn’t clean poop off his toilet. He poops and leaves it. That’s a massive mental health issue.

You can’t be with this guy. Imagine if you have children?? He can’t even look after himself!

That’s nothing to do with ocd. That’s completely gross and I wouldn’t be staying there or continuing in that relationship.

He told me prior to my visit that his house wasn't as clean as mine, but he was making an effort to improve it, though it might take some time.

Cobblers! He could have made it much better in a couple of hours but he didn't. You weren't worth two hours of his time. So don't give him any more of yours.