New man’s house is filthy

You are not compatible.

I'm far from meticulously clean and tidy, but filth takes a long time to build up and requires serious lack of interest (or serious health issues)

It will drive you mad, and to survive it, you'll inevitanby invest your time, energy and money into undoing his neglect.

There are better men out there.

OP I’d be concerned about your perception that he “puts in a lot of effort” as this is clearly very, VERY at odds with his general personality/lifestyle. His house tells you all you need to know about the level of effort he usually makes, so is all this “effort” just love bombing? It seems the advice here is overwhelmingly to walk away, however if you choose to give the relationship a go, I would have an honest chat with him, and whilst acknowledging him saying he’ll tidy the place up, be clear you won’t be spending any more time there until it’s all had a thorough deep clean. I do have reservations about what his version of clean looks like though, given he’s happy to let his new girlfriend use a shit-stained toilet (and dirty toilet seat 🤢). I’m by no means fastidious with cleaning, but I think I’d have needed a bath in a vat of acid after spending the night in that filth.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Oh dear, I'm sorry OP but he isn't going to change. This is how he lives and thats it. Save yourself the heartache and throw this one back. He isn't a keeper.

For most people this would be a hard no - but adding your OCD in the equation should make this an easy decision for you - you're just not compatible.

First - DO NOT offer to help him clear it up!! It's his house and his responsibility.

Second - Dont stay around his house again until it's cleaned to a standard you happy to stay in.

I suspect you will be waiting too long for that to happen - so you will probably want to end things now. Throw this one back @merrygoroundsss

New relationship.

This is his best behaviour.....

Not even cleaning the toilet or picking up the dog shit from the garden when you know someone is coming round is so lazy and grim. It would be a no from me.

Have an honest conversation with him. He's probably had a lot to deal with after a breakup and maybe can't see what it looks like from a different perspective. If you really like him, don't let this be a deal breaker.

I do think some men can be house trained but from the sounds of it this guy is a slob. That he doesn't even register oh I best give the house a once over before my new girlfriend comes over is a bad sign.

What will happen is that you will clean it, because he doesn't think it needs to be cleaned. He will say thank you, but it won't suddenly start him cleaning to maintain it. Because it's been cleaned now hasn't it?

It will descend into filth again, and then you'll clean it again and maybe think 'I'll do him a rota of what needs to be cleaned and then he'll keep in top of it!'. He won't.

Then you will always be cleaning it in perpetuity because in essence he doesn't think it needs to be cleaned, he doesn't care about living in filth and more importantly he doesn't care about you expending your energy to do it for him. And he doesn't care about your needs for basic hygiene.

Then in time the resentment of having to mother and clean for a grown filthy man will build and build until you can stand it any more, and any attraction to him will die.

Now you can choose if you want to spend months of your life going though this process, or you can cut your losses and look for someone else. Someone who is capable of looking after themselves like an adult rather than a grime goblin. Your OCD isn't even relevant in this situation because no functional adult wants to live in dog piss and grime.

Look after yourself and your needs because he isn't lovely really is he?

Just. No. This is as good as he gets.

He can easily and almost immediately solve this through a paid deep clean or a few days of major effort. Any man incapable of either would not be an addition to my life.

The mess isn't because of the dogs. A doggy house will always be slightly hairy and smell a bit of dog (unless you're like my friend who literally follows her dog around with a vacuum cleaner and disinfectant wipes), but this level of grot is not because of the dogs but because he doesn't keep his house clean.

If you genuinely do have diagnosed OCD why did you say you have “OCD tendencies” in your post?

If he actually knows you have OCD then leaving skid marks in the toilet actually seems even worse .

I too am curious as to where the other SEVEN dogs went

However nice he is, it’s not going to work. Save yourself the heartache and don’t bother pursuing the relationship

I would have left straight away. He has no pride for himself, his environment or respect for you.

Lots of people manage to keep a clean home. You've just got to care and do it.

I would end things. Before you know it you will be cleaning everything.

And yet you were able to spend a night in that house. I don't have OCD, but I'm very clean and no way would I have done that - I'd have ordered a taxi and gone home and that would've been the end of my association with this disgusting man.

Fwiw, I think even if you do get a cleaner, he will find it very hard to change ingrained habits, so this won’t change. I suspect slowly you will just end up doing more housework as you won’t be able to tolerate it and he will gradually get used to you doing it and stop completely- or pretty much.
Its a shame as you like him, but this will either wear you down or annoy you eventually.
id also ask if he’s making such effort with you but not his home..how long can he keep the effort up? It suggests to me something is out of kilter. I suspect his self esteem? Some issue anyway, that is again, possibly a problem when he gets tired from making an effort.
Id be very curious to track down his ex and ask why she left.
id also, do as many other posters have said, and throw this one back. If he can’t look after his own flat, what else is he avoiding dealing with?

He has no standards of cleanliness. He'd surely make an effort to have clean sheets and bathroom if he knew you were coming round to stay over?

I wonder why his partner left him? 🤔 Maybe she was fed up with cleaning up after him and the dogs?

At least he didn't make you start cleaning up after him!

I can see why his Ex moved out.

I do not have high standards but that is completely disgusting.

Agree with others. You and he are not compatible.

Throw this one back (into his filth infested canal).

Either he hadn't cleaned despite telling you he had, or he did, and this was relatively clean compared to how the house usually is. Neither are good options.

If you do really like him you could be blunt and say he needs to get a regular cleaner (not you!!)

I’d be honest. John, sorry but your house really needs some urgent attention. Get a cleaning team to do a deep clean throughout the house and then get a cleaner in twice a month to keep on top of the basics, he can do any daily things / stuff that comes up - either that or walk, I couldn’t bear it and I don’t have OCD