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Original poster

DH and football dominating everything 🤯

38 replies

Offherrockingchair · 17/08/2025 22:40

An age old one. What to do? We live slap bang in the middle of the country and halfway between our respective hometowns (3-4 hours from each). Every football season, FIL buys his boys tickets. This was fine pre DC and also fine when the DC were little as we lived abroad. Back in the UK for the last three years and it’s become an absolute joke during football season.

Whenever there is a home game, DH wants to make the 7-8 hour round trip, plus game time, sometimes staying overnight, leaving me at home with the DCs. DS goes with him sometimes but finds the journey long too so often isn’t all that bothered. I’m then stuck at home, doing all the usual weekend dross, looking after everyone and get very little free time. To top it off, what used to be Saturday afternoon fixtures now seem to be Friday night, Saturday, Sunday - there’s not even a pattern to it and they all seem subject to change. He’s more than happy to stay over with PIL cos MIL makes a massive fuss of him and he gets to escape family life/absolve himself of parenting.

We’ve had a row this weekend as it’s been the first home game and he’s just got back, having left yesterday afternoon. I am so cross! He was meant to come straight back after the match but went back to PIL for dinner (and didn’t even let me know!).

I’ve told him he might as well go and live in his hometown if he loves it there so much. Clearly not a solution but I’m not putting up with this every other weekend!

OP posts:
TheTeasmaid · 18/08/2025 00:03

arethereanyleftatall · 18/08/2025 00:01

For work?!? An entirely different thing.

Show quote history

but the result is the same its still time away from family

arethereanyleftatall · 18/08/2025 00:01

TheTeasmaid · 17/08/2025 23:53

but military personal etc have familys and have to leave them for so many months etc.

Show quote history

For work?!? An entirely different thing.

ZestyBear · 17/08/2025 23:59

Offherrockingchair · 17/08/2025 23:06

@usedtobeaylis - thankfully not to mid weeks, unless there is an away fixture close to where we do actually live. He then tries to justify that by saying he’ll take DS along, and then I have to step in and say getting back at 11/midnight is not going to happen for a primary aged child!

That is my point exactly - a home game is effectively an away fixture because of the travel! It’s not like supporting the local team, is it?

@Rainbowqueeen - I said tonight that I’d like the alternate every other weekend off. He begrudgingly agreed (but doesn’t think I’ll go through with it). I did say that I wasn’t planning my time around ever changing fixtures cos of TV rights though and where did he think us all being together as a family could fit into any of this?

You need to go through with it.
See the PPs tennis example. Take up something that gets you out of the house, and ensure he has to do what you’re currently doing. If only to prove your point.

TheTeasmaid · 17/08/2025 23:53

Offherrockingchair · 17/08/2025 23:18

Ah yes, FIL… Dinosaur, can’t see the issue. I did try and tell him that we live in X and not Y and we’re at the stage where DS doesn’t want to be dragged along for the ride (or DH’s excuse?) but he goes ahead anyway. The money isn’t an issue to him, at least, but that doesn’t take into account the extra petrol from our family budget. I find it very controlling of him, personally. It’s not logical to expect a father of young kids to abandon them every other weekend.

but military personal etc have familys and have to leave them for so many months etc.

Original poster
Offherrockingchair · 17/08/2025 23:18

Ah yes, FIL… Dinosaur, can’t see the issue. I did try and tell him that we live in X and not Y and we’re at the stage where DS doesn’t want to be dragged along for the ride (or DH’s excuse?) but he goes ahead anyway. The money isn’t an issue to him, at least, but that doesn’t take into account the extra petrol from our family budget. I find it very controlling of him, personally. It’s not logical to expect a father of young kids to abandon them every other weekend.

OP posts:
Pictures50 · 17/08/2025 23:17

You need to take an equal amount of time off.
It will give him pause for thought.

I played tennis with a woman who returned to the game so her husband would feel the impact of 6 hours of golf on a Saturday.

It did.
Having to do all the activities on a sunday for 3 children and knowing it faced him made him be a lot more considerate.
He adjusted his game to start at 6am and was home for 11am every Saturday instead.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/08/2025 23:14

themimi · 17/08/2025 22:51

This wouldn't bother me - I have a hobby that takes a chunk of time out of the weekend. I think talking to your husband about how he can enjoy his hobby but ensure that you also get to have fun at the weekend is the way forward.

He’s away for the entire weekend EOW for over half the year!! This isn’t a ‘hobby’ in any way appropriate for a father of young children.

this simply isn’t fair op. Unless you have the finances/desire to also spend 15 (?ish) entire weekends away on your own hobby whilst he does all the work at home? You could do 15 city breaks maybe?

bang out of order of your fil to buy him a season ticket unless money is nothing

Original poster
Offherrockingchair · 17/08/2025 23:06

@usedtobeaylis - thankfully not to mid weeks, unless there is an away fixture close to where we do actually live. He then tries to justify that by saying he’ll take DS along, and then I have to step in and say getting back at 11/midnight is not going to happen for a primary aged child!

That is my point exactly - a home game is effectively an away fixture because of the travel! It’s not like supporting the local team, is it?

@Rainbowqueeen - I said tonight that I’d like the alternate every other weekend off. He begrudgingly agreed (but doesn’t think I’ll go through with it). I did say that I wasn’t planning my time around ever changing fixtures cos of TV rights though and where did he think us all being together as a family could fit into any of this?

OP posts:
usedtobeaylis · 17/08/2025 22:58

Of course YANBU. Before I had my daughter I was a season ticket holder and I know exactly how time-consuming it is. The fact that a home game is effectively an away fixture in terms of travel means he is taking the piss. He needs to compromise - at the moment he isn't at all and you're picking up everything on those weekends.

Does he also travel to midweeks? Surely not.

Rainbowqueeen · 17/08/2025 22:56

He needs to compromise. So not go to every home game and instead go to a certain number per year. Then you get the same amount of free time while he solo parents. And family time needs to feature somewhere in there too.

TheTeasmaid · 17/08/2025 22:55

surley eveyone has hobbies etc ? yes i get family time is important

themimi · 17/08/2025 22:51

This wouldn't bother me - I have a hobby that takes a chunk of time out of the weekend. I think talking to your husband about how he can enjoy his hobby but ensure that you also get to have fun at the weekend is the way forward.

Pictures50 · 17/08/2025 22:45

He clearly is not committed to family life.
No way would I tolerate this.
He sounds like a man-child.
He wants to be a single man?
Let him off.

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