DH and football dominating everything 🤯

Totally agree, but the best way to start that discussion with a selfish man is making them feel the equivalent challenge by doing just as much solo parenting, and not trying to fill the gaps for him. Then you can talk about fair.

Everyone saying ""you should get proportionate time off, what if she(or other sports/hobby left behinds)don't want that? What if what they want is a husband who commits to family life and supporting each other? Like you op, I'd be seriously considering my marriage. But be prepared for his friends and family painting you as controlling.

Exactly the same issue here.

DH ,FIL and DS all have seasons tickets. Every other weekend ( generally) sometimes 3 out of 4 weekends in the month during the season!
We live a couple of hours away and unless it's a Sunday evening match he takes DS, end of story!
He's been going to home matches since he was 2.. he's now 8.
They tend to head off Friday evening return Sunday afternoon.

He used to try and complain that he doesn't get a "weekend off" ever, as he always has our child when he goes, pointed it out that it is his choice.. and actually both Grandparents are also on hand!

I've made my peace with it, but there are rules, I have the weekend mainly to myself, and when he's at home there's no whinging when I need him to do DIY or have an actual family day out.
Im actually looking forward to the first home game this season ( this weekend!) After a long and loud school Summer holidays!

I've read some crao on MN, but comparing wanting to go to take 24hrs+ trips twice a month for the majority of the year to soldiers going to war zones or disaster relief takes the biscuit. One is self centred, one is a job/necessary.

This isn't a football issue... its a selfishness issue. Wanting to go to football games isn't unreasonable but not when it has an extreme impact on the rest of the family.

Any obsession is hard to live with, its a selfish way of life

I have a PL season ticket. It’s not so much the going to the games it’s the dinner and hanging about after that would piss me off. I rush in 5 mins before kick off and leg it as soon as it’s over. Of course pre children it was nice to make a whole day of it but life changes.

I think it would be fair to go to two a month and he sells the other matches, and can choose which ones are the priority. I don’t go to midweek games and there’s a few Cat C games I can easily live without seeing.

Others have pointed out it is that many, but regardless the op should match the time off, disappear and leave him parenting and see if he thinks a solo day night and however long he’s away the next day every second week for months is a lot of parenting time.

He doesn’t stay over ever weekend… when he does it’s 1 night not the entire weekend. So a maximum of 30 days a year

Lots of people have hobbies, OP just needs equal time back, and find something fun to do.

Ohh… What are you going to on your alternating weekends? Visit every single National Trust property in the country? Take up pottery? Cultivate an expensive spa addiction?

This is/was my life for over 40 years. When I first met my DH he played football twice a week and trained twice a week, but always quite local. Then he got injured and had to give up so he took up snooker, which was 2 evenings each week and Sunday mornings. Once we had DS’s as soon as they were old enough he started taking them and then they started playing and he became the eldest DS manager, whilst at the time becoming season ticket holders for Spurs, where DH and eldest DS go to every home game and have done so for 20 years now. I used to quite like the time alone with second DS, we used to go shopping, have lunch out, visit friends. I wouldn’t have been happy if they were to stay away though and they never go to away games. There is compromise, when we get invited out or say over Christmas, then family/friends comes first.

Eh? That's not even remotely the same situation! Being away for a job is completely different to being away for a hobby!

Except from the fact the matches are 4 hours away and he stays over. It’s 15 ENTIRE weekends per year, not 15 x 2 hour matches.

There are 20 clubs in the PL, which means 19 Home matches (excluding cup competitions). When you take away mid-week matches that’s probably about 15 matches per year, out of 52 weeks… it’s not really that many.

I grew up with a football obsessed stepfather. None of us shared his interest yet even when it wasn't away watching it, it was on the TV, or he was constantly refreshing the Teletext screen for hours for the results.

He was as dull as fuck. Most football fans are. I swore I'd never ever have a relationship with someone obsessed with spectating sport. Particularly football. And I haven't and am much more happily married than my mum ever was! She's very happily single now.

Sorry OP, not much help but YANBU. Sorry you have to live with such a bore.

That amount of time away for a hobby is insanely unreasonable, especially with a young child at home. It's unacceptable. If he tried to push back against the agreement that he go less often, it would be ultimatum time for me. I wouldn't be willing to take second place to football.

I’d book every second weekend away for the next two months. Leave Friday back Sunday and go to your parents on something. Take up a hobby. Leave a list of essential activities. Say firmly when he asks how long this will continue ‘you’ve been walking out on me and your kids for weekends since they were born so I assume as long as that, since I’m not some lesser person who doesn’t count in this marriage? Then maybe after that we can share parenting more equally which would be a lovely change to my parenting experience.’

but would that 50:50 be straight away ?

My friend lives about 3 hours away from her team now, has a season ticket which her husband buys every year and goes to all the home games while he looks after the children. She doesn't stay overnight though (except when the team got to Wembley last season) or take herself off to relatives ' houses for dinner without saying where she is. It seems to have worked for her family so it isn't impossible but it's mutually agreed. It doesn't seem that your father in law entered into any consultation before buying the season tickets.

Not with a 50:50 parenting arrangement.

My DH has a similar ticket arrangement with his dad and brother. But we live about 90 mins away from the stadium. And when the dc were small, he probably went about once a month. Your DH needs to understand that life has changed. He can’t just do all the things he did before dc.

I love football, and would be delighted if a relative bought me a season ticket as my team are local and as my dc are now adults so don't need looking after.

Your dh is just being ridiculous.

Was it you that posted the same thread previously ? Or are there 2 x dh's who actually think this is acceptable ?

I agree with pp that you need to leave the house, leaving him with the dc, for 12 hours on the Sunday, or the alternate weekend each time he does it for the football, for a while, also taking £100 out of your joint account (or whatever he is spending on petrol, a pie and a pint each week). Even if you just go and chill out at your Mum's or sister's or a friends, or spend a lot of it drifting about not doing much. The point is, he needs to sort everything for the dc - food, activities, bedtime, etc as well as general stuff around the house as Im sure you normally do.
He needs to know what it feels like, and also needs to understand the impact on the family budget.

I know you can't change the team you love, but when you move away, you can still look for their results first ever week, but also go along to the local no-league side if you need a fix of live football. Much cheaper and much less time consuming, so a reasonable compromise for him to do.

but then the problem would still exist in that the op has the kids all the time then, so in a sense it gives the dh the freedom for the games

This isn't fair at all and very selfish. Family time is also important and taking a back seat! If he insists on carrying on, you need to have alternative weekends where you look after the kids and have the same amount of free time.

the result is the same, its still time away, that said i do understand with the op and a balance is needed

He wants to be a single man 👍
You can probably help him with that 😀

you think swanning off to watch a game every other week is remotely comparable to serving in the military?😂