To seriously judge this man?

As far as we know, she might have known he was playing away and turned a blind eye to all these affairs. Some people do. She might not have thought he’d actually fall for someone. Who knows…

It's actually awful that it's unsurprising, men tend to associate kids with the woman they are with, if that love dies then he's not arsed about the kids, I've seen it hundreds of times.

It’s amazing how often I have seen this. To the extent I have seen amazing step-fathers who are terrible and absent father to their biological kids.

That absolutely true, but as far as we know she hasn’t chosen to cheat on him using his awfulness as an excuse.

Your colleague and her BIL are both trash.

I feel sorry for his children.

They could both be awful, who knows? Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

He’s a cunt - and why are you so quick to believe she is awful? Cheating men have form for slagging off their ex-wives to try to justify their behaviour. Even so, you don’t cheat on the mother of your children multiple times regardless of what she’s like. If she’s awful, then leave her. Disrespecting her like that is disrespecting the children too.

Then again, this arsehole clearly couldn’t care less about his children. He’s awful and I cannot think of any credible contact that would make this any better.

I knew a guy who left his wife while she was on maternity leave with a newborn (their second child) to move in with his girlfriend, a single parent with a young child, who he’d been cheating with for a few months and had got pregnant. A few weeks after his girlfriend gave birth he left her for another woman (not the wife). I mean that’s some Jeremy Kyle shit. My involvement - I was an acquaintance of the girlfriend. Did I judge? Yes, yes I did.

Sorry I wanted to complete your user name and add the “bog down in the Valley O!

Maybe you haven’t a clue what I’m on about though. 😂😂

Should have stayed and fought despite the fact she told him she’d bankrupt him, her family threatened him and he almost had a breakdown? Nope, fuck that. There’s only so far you can push someone, everyone has a breaking point. You can’t blame the guy for walking away and deciding to make contact with the kids when they’re older and out of the control of this toxic woman.

So he should have stayed and fought. You can self rep in family court and get the police involved if he's being threatened. Deciding it's too hard and leaving his kids with someone who is so unstable and dangerous HE ran away from her is not covering himself in glory.

How is it a good relationship? You said that you’re not sure that he ever loved her. Would you want to spend the rest of your life in a relationship with someone you don’t love? I certainly wouldn’t.

That sounds a bit suspect. Some women intentionally get pregnant to try to keep a man. That sort deserve to be cheated on. Never the fault of the children of course.

True though. How to discuss something no one knows the facts about?

thanks for that, adds a lot to the discussion.

He is moving to mainland China? Some of my relatives in HK and friends really don’t like living under Chinese rule. Does he know much about Asian culture because he is in for a massive and I mean a huge shock.

Never surprised by people leaving their children for an affair partner. I even know a women who left her 3 kids, one was less than a year old to go off with the man she was having another child with. She never saw two of the 3 children again. Claimed husband was violent and abusive but left her baby there anyway.

What will never fail to confuse me is why people in such unhappy relationships have multiple children together when it was never a happy relationship.

to the outside world my friend did this went to work in Saudi
the reality was his then partner was a complete narcissist
told him he’d have to fight her in court for access and she’d make sure it bankrupted him with court cost and he was regularly threatened by her family
no great back story she wanted the house ( they weren’t married and he had it before they met she’d contributed nothing) signing over to her and it all spiralled from there
pushed him to the verge of a breakdown but tells anyone who would listens including there daughter he’d abandoned them

I can’t imagine being this shocked or interested in a colleague’s BIL’s marriage. Why bother speculating on perfect strangers? It’s a waste of mental energy when you know practically nothing about them or their relationship.

He’s clearly checked out of the whole situation, his boys are not important to him.
very sad, especially the 5 year old.

What details could possibly justify moving to the other side of the world? No matter how miserable the marriage may or may not be, he can leave, stay local and continue to parent his existing children.

Not based on what you’ve said, no. It’s not surprising. I think he’s a low-life for leaving his children, but based on what you’ve said about his marriage it’s never been good right from the start. His wife’s probably less shocked than you claim to be.

Why is it they always say the wife who they have been with for years/decades and had multiple children with is sooooo awful... and yet so often they leave her sole responsibility of their children while they swan off to start over.

Why are you so surprised then? He didn’t love her, but stuck by her for the sake of the child. Maybe she was happy to turn a blind eye to his dalliances. He’s now fallen in love with someone and wants to take the chance. It can’t have come as a shock to her, if she knew the score. I can see why he’s done it. Not that I approve, but it’s understandable.

it is awful and you are right to be shocked. heartbreaking for the boys, especially the younger 2. The mum must be so stressed having to raise them totally solo and now with possible abandonment trauma too.