Hobby tainted

I understand you disliking their teasing, but I can’t understand why it has "tainted" the hobby for you - unless it’s because you do recognise deep down that there is some truth in what they say. If you enjoy it and it does no harm, just carry on with it.

OP now that you have revealed the hobby do you see why it’s not something people generally will be on board with (the dipping in and out of interest in caring for living creatures). Do you see that your family actually have valid reasons for not supporting you in this hobby and maybe getting quite annoyed with you is not at all unreasonable. I’d be having sharp words with you myself if you were my mum.

Didn’t see it

??

It's a bit weird that you don't see fish as living beings who deserve life long care, what do you think happens to them when you sell them on Gumtree?
No wonder your kids are unhappy with it.
Why bother making the tank just right if you're just going to get bored and get rid of them.

It’s living creatures. I don’t think people should indulge in such hobbies unless they’re fully committed to it.

To be honest I can see a bit clearer now why your family are against it. Having hobbies that entail looking after living creatures that you dip in and out of and lose interest in isn’t like jigsaw puzzles or knitting. I think your dh and dc have a point, I’d not be happy about you resuming it either.

I have to say I agree with this.

Before we knew what the hobby was, I was of the tell them where to go, its none of their business.

But now that we know it's fish keeping & you have a habit of giving up on it, I see their concerns

Fish are living creatures - they're not just there for your entertainment. Do you not grow fond of the ones you have? (My dc had 2 x fish for years & was a super responsible owner even as a kid) we were all very fond of them & were sad when they died

Why do you lose interest? Why do you want to start again?

As a general rule I’d say that people shouldn’t feel like they have to give up a hobby they enjoy because their family are being mean about it. And it’s normal for people’s interest in a hobby to wax and wane.

But I am a bit dubious now that you’ve revealed it’s fishkeeping. The fish are living creatures and it seems a bit unethical if you know you’ve got a history of dropping the hobby and returning the fish.

I can understand why this upset you so much OP, it can feel difficult to carve out time for yourself, fighting the guilt of doing something that is ‘just for you’, and prioritising leisure time that doesn’t involve you putting your family’s needs before yours. If these are things you struggle with (which I can totally relate to) then I can really see why the episode with your kids and husband discouraging you from doing your hobby would be so upsetting. Step back, take stock, and then come back with a strength to fiercely protect the space to do your hobby that is jmportant to you. It’s no one else’s business if you’re more/less heavily involved with it at different times. Life gets busy and other things take over but it’s great to have a hobby you enjoy. That feels good, that you can go back to when you feel like it.

So the op says this exchange was completely out of character for her kids who have never behaved like this before and she’s very close to.

So… either they’ve all suddenly undergone a seismic shift in their personalities OR…. They genuinely are open mouthed and a bit appalled that yet AGAIN the op is heading to the pet shop to get more fish (having returned her last lot to the pet shop) to do the hobby again. Not just once before but MULTIPLE times before

Cancel the cheque!

Oh dear

We do know the hobby

I would find it really irritating if someone kept enthusiastically banging about their pet fish and then got bored and gave them away on bloody Gumtree.

I think YABU, really. You don't just want to keep fish. You want everyone else to be excited about you keeping fish. Why should they be enthusiastic about your hobby? It's not exciting to them. It's just something that they have to listen to you going on about, that takes up space and makes a mess in the house and which you then get bored with and stop doing.

Just tell them to sod off … why can’t we know the hobby?

Bloody hell....grow some balls and grow up

Because they know it’s not right.

Even at half OPs age they understand that it’s unacceptable to decide to get a living creature and then just get rid of it when you’re bored.

OP already knows this isn’t going to last and she’ll get rid of them again.
What an awful attitude to have about a living thing.

Thank goodness the kids have a dad that is a good influence, as OP is not being responsible and not being a good influence on them.

We don't dip in and out of stuff when we have made a commitment though. If your hobby is a team sport you can't just go when you feel like it. If your DC hobby is cubs or Brownies you wouldn't let them join leave join leave. Keeping live animals is a commitment and you shouldn't be stopping starting stopping starting

Dipping in and out of hobbies is fine when they don’t involve actual living creatures, which OP’s does.

Either there's something you're missing or they're all being really weird. Fish keeping is hardly expensive, loud or all encompassing. Especially if you've already got the tank etc (because those can be expensive). We have a fish tank that basically sustains itself. It's just shrimp and snails, we occasionally drop a shrimp pellet in but mostly they all eat algae. Perhaps if you feel like you want to give up the hobby you could just maintain some shrimp as they're very easy.

I don’t know so much. My reply was more concerned with the behaviour her children and husband dished out to her. OP shouldn’t have been spoken to like that in my view.

Think we found the name of your next fish.

That's fine for most hobbies but a bit different when the hobby relates to living creatures though.

we all dip in and out of stuff, I think that’s a really harsh assessment. The kids are not entitled to be cruel. And the op might have more capacity to maintain a hobby if she did less kid support, as a mum who spends my entire weekends supporting kids to play their sports.