Hobby tainted

OP, as someone who also has a tendency to cycle through obsessed over niche interests and hobbies, I was 100% on your side until you revealed it was fish keeping. Sorry, this is not to say you shouldn't have been transparent, it’s great that you have been.

These are living things. Your teens may not be able to articulate this, but possibly subconsciously they are angry at the concept of trading back and forth/giving away actual living beings when you ‘get bored’?

I'd suspect the treatment of the fish was what was underneath the concerns though. The OP said that her children are normally lovely and this came as a surprise to her.
I think it mirrors what occurred on this thread - everyone was very supportive of the OP until it was revealed that the hobby was fish keeping - and then it felt off to many. Possibly the OP's children also think the dipping in and out when it involves live creatures (even if they are 'only fish') is a bit off and hence there unexpected and out of character reaction to her starting again.

Why would you not just separate males from the females?

I have fish, but they aren’t a hobby they are my pets. I’ve never heard of anyone swapping fish as a hobby.

This sounds upsetting frankly. You’re getting no four fish and plan to swap them and give them away when you get bored of them?

This is so so sad.

@anon666 it's fish-swapping.

@anon666

”See All”

Okay, aside from the fact that i want to know the hobby now.....

I get it. I'm queen of crafty hobbies, and I am constantly dropping and picking up one or other of them. It's a bit of an imposition on dh only in terms of storage space for all the supplies, and possibly money spent. I'm grateful he doesn't make a thing of it.

However, I get the dynamic of this, because I have had to challenge my family on this. It's the patriarchy and the belittling nature of the attack, which no man will ever experience. Male hobbies are respected, female hobbies are belittled and patronised.

The underlying resentment is that your time is suddenly devoted to your own stuff not theirs. Because obviously, as a mum, your main purpose to them is that of service. You're not respected as a person with equivalent rights.

And the 'teasing' is in fact a very subtle form of bullying, dressed up as "only joking".

I have put up with this before and I recognise it.

I think YABU purely because it's fishkeeping.

Living creatures FFS, how cruel to take them back and forth to the local shop just because you lose interest in looking after them.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

What? Lord give me strength.

I think you need to talk to a therapist- none of what you have said sounds in the normal range to me.

They all sound unkind although I can imagine it might have started as a bit of banter and escalated (having experienced that). It’s as though they get competitive with each other, the DCs and DH and actually lose sight of the topic the banter is about and the person on the receiving end.

Tell them they’ve been unpleasant and you’re going to start over with a ‘new’ family.

Then buy some re-born dolls and wander round the house nursing them and calling them your perfect children.

Tell DH that with this new family, you’ve chosen to go solo and make him pay maintenance and co-parent 50/50.

Threaten to take your perfect little babies to parent’s evening, to collect and drop-off your DCs at activities and tell DH he also has to do this when it’s his week.

The above will make fish keeping look much more appealing.

The above also sounds quite fun and I realise I’ve got carried away (secretly I’d LOVE one of the re-born dolls, but no one would understand why and would mercilessly ‘rib’ me)

edited for typo

Curious. I keep fish. The first tank of fish was an unexpected gift. I kept buying tanks because they keep having babies. My son has one tank , my other son a second and I now have the third, newest biggest tank. It’s getting overfilled with babies again and I cannot keep buying more tanks . They’re obviously healthy or they would not breed. It’s something I didn’t anticipate in these numbers.

Are you saying I can’t give them to a pet shop or offer them to other fish keepers? Both obviously cruel options, you say..and putting them in a new tank is the same for them as going to a pet shop, or other fish keepers. So do I leave them and let them die back to what the tank can support, which is natures way, but will stress all the fish as that’s how the weakest are found , or a quick death just taking them out and killing them? I was going to offer them free to locals but that’s going to be as bad as the pet shop option you vilify.

It doesn't sound like OP's family had a problem with her treatment of the fish - they were rude/obnoxious about her having a hobby, not about what the hobby actually is.

I have, at different times, had hobbies that gave me huge pleasure, but I later dropped, I then started some up again.
Knitting, embroidery, beekeeping, growing obscure tropical plants from seed, alpine gardens, long distance trail running, white water kayaking... there are others. DC get that the "point" is to enjoy it, not to be better than someone else, compete at a certain level, or whatever. So they try new things, and dont get too hung up on pursuing only the things they can be The Best at.

OP, next time they piss on your chips, don't engage. Tell them "it doesn't impact you if I do something I love, so drop it".

Don't horse people sell and trade their horses all the time? Like when they outgrow one or it gets too old to ride etc? I've never seen anyone on MN have a go at them!

Well the Op doesn’t!

She has jacked it in multiple times

I love this OP, I think it’s a great hobby.

What you have right there is an unhappy marriage

Oh don’t be silly!

And? They are still live animals. Glad you think it's funny.

Omg what’s happened to supporting each other

You know you are clever and respected by the rest of us.

Your hobby, which is an excellent skill, is your method of relaxing and being creative in a different skilful way.

Ignore anyone who says anything else

I have had this problem for the 45 years we have been together. I have an 'intellectual' and demanding job (I write language text books in 6 languages), and my hobby is making models. My OH regards making models as a brain-dead hobby fit only for morons, and does music instead. I think speaking 6 languages is every bit as respectable as music, but I have to accept that I am always looked down on and sneered at as a person of lesser intellect because I do something as stupid and pathetic as making models for a hobby.

Worked remotely with a really nice guy who has quite the following on instagram I think, sponsorship and al sorts, he could be more places by now.
Fabulous tanks of fish and such care.

Really a joy, and a great skill, which anyone knows who has kept a single gold fish’s, they are hard work to keep alive .

Keep going. tell them you’re on Instagram and a Tik Tok sensation already, or don’t tell, them, just keep bringing home gold bars from all of your earnings, when you do become famous 🤣

Good luck and enjoy your hobby.

Good God people - they’re tiny fish - get a grip! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I get this all the time when I drop in an out of my cycle of hobbies. My friends and family call it my "little obsessions". 🤣 I'm glad it's so light-hearted.