Hobby tainted

🤣

So basically it’s all incredibly harmless stuff?

Tell the kids to mind their own business. And tell your ex husband to back you up. Or at the very least he should be joining in with you to tell the kids to shut up.

And how would a person set about starting this hobby ? Asking for a friend.

Virtually none lol in fact I’d wager no one on Mumsnet has ever been identifiable even if they did post what they were doing. You’d have to be extremely well known in a very small field

Your family is engaging in some good old fashioned sexism. Women’s hobbies tend to fall by the wayside so often because we always have to prioritize being wives and mothers with all of the responsibilities that come with those roles over our own free time. When life gets busy, our recreation quickly gets seen as a burden.

It is not an easy cycle to break. Your children are old enough for you to claw back some time for yourself. If you do not manage to stick to this hobby, it is not a personal failure. It just means you could not continue to balance all the competing requests for your time.

Which is what differentiates a hobby from an obligation! You do it for fun, at your leisure - i.e. when you feel like it.

Apologies @Laxoverhols I didn't mean to quote you

Why didn’t you tell them not to speak to you in such a rude and hurtful way and end the discussion?

Did you watch 'Annika' last night OP ? the murder victim had a whole tank full of sharks in his (admittedly enormous) house. Just throwing that out there in case you really want to give your DH and kids something to complain about.!

I will be honest my DH drives me mad with his hobbies. Not because of what they are or how much he spends on them but because he doesn't shut up about them whilst he is doing them. So for example if his current hobby was collecting stamps he would be sending me pics of them , telling me how much they are worth, what he is thinking of in terms of displaying them and so on. Then 4 weeks later he has got bored of stamp collecting and everything gets put to one side and the next hobby comes along. Then the next, then we are back to stamps again. I don't care about your hobbies I want you to enjoy them but I don't want to hear about them constantly. I don't want to have a mini break in the arse end of nowhere because they have a good stamp collecting shop in a village miles from anywhere else. I will cheerfully buy you gifts related to your current hobby for Xmas or birthday just don't let it become the focal point of your conversation the majority of the time

Indeed it is a legitimate hobby

one that op has picked up and put down multiple times in the past.

What was the reason why the op jacked it in all the previous times?

I think some people have been really shitty with their replies. Fish keeping is a legitimate hobby, and one that requires a lot of time and effort. The 3 most important people in your life were mean and derisive, which would make anyone feel a bit sad at and ganged up on! If they do it again, I'd be tempted to tell them to F off and if they carry on they will be fish food, but that is the kind of joke my family would expect from me, obviously don't do that if it would sound unhinged from you!

Why do you allow your children to speak to you with such disdain? If my kids spoke to me the way yours do, I'd smack their backsides so hard their grandkids would feel it!

Tell them until they're working and paying into the family pot, to butt the fuck out and show some manners.

Your finances are no business of theirs and if you want to collect trains, you WILL collect goddamn trains and if they've anything to say about it, we'd have a look at their hobbies.

Their hobbies you will no longer be paying for, since they can't seem to treat you with anything but contempt. What do they do? Sports? Not anymore. Gaming? That'd be in the bin. Want a lift somewhere? Forget it. I don't do favours for rude people.

As for the husband, I'd tell him he is either your partner or he isn't. If he is willing to belittle you and mock you then he clearly doesn't think much of you and I wouldn't be willing to continue in a marriage like that.

I'd lay that out for him and tell him to have a good think about what he wants to do going forward as I refuse to carry on being disrespected.

Fuck that for a lark.

Flushes them down the toilet Ebay, Gumtree or takes them back to the shop apparently

Has the op clarified what she has done with the fish on the previous times she has jacked in the hobby?

I actually kind of get why they might be fed up. You keep bringing living things into the house, then dumping them, then buying more, then dumping them...

The tank clean up, the smell, the feeding etc - it's different from trains, or dollhouses, or pokemon. It sounds like it would be quite impactful for the household and not just you? Whereas I'd imagine your husband keeps his bike in a garage, goes off and cycles for a bit, with no impact on the house at large?

Of course, you should do what you enjoy but I'm not sure this is the feminist fight that some posters are making it out to be. And you do seem very sensitive, too. Was it vitriol or was it lack of enthusiasm for something that impacts everyone but that only you get any enjoyment from? (Until you get bored again!)

The cheek of them.
Women tolerate far too much.

A few years ago my friends children were a bit too dismissive of her and what would she know about working out there in the real world.

She decided to put her toe back into a bit of contracting in her professional field, a mat leave.

They were all suddenly very affronted at her returning to work and how it would impact them, all in their early to mid 20's.

They were in for some shock at the change inthe house. She doesn't share a bedroom with her husband as he snores.

She ate in the excellent work canteen so no more dinners, she handed over the shopping to her husband and children.

She dropped HER laundry into a laundrette on her way to work as a well earned treat, so no more laundry at all.
She loved the job and they love her, so she accepted a 4 day week.

She joined the sports and social club in work as a volunteer and loves it, and has joined a walking group.

She is frankly unrecognisable.
Her children are still living at home but are now paying for a cleaner between them, it was that or find a flat.
Life is very different and she has never looked better or been happier.
Their gentle mocking was the push she needed.
Her husband is thinking of retirement but she certainly won't and has made that clear.
She enjoys it too much.

Is this the OP with the DD wanting the symbol tattoo and that completely kicked off?

Ah go on then. Give saltwater a try and show them how annoying and time-consuming fish can really be.

Just kidding (well, mostly). Have you ever had pea puffers? I only tried a few freshwater tanks but those and the discus were my favourites. The puffers were such friendly, inquisitive little fellows.

I did have a go back. I mentioned the things my DC likes to collect. the cost of my DH’s hobby compared to mine,

THIS is why it escalated OP, why did you bring up their hobbies in retaliation? It sounds like instead of telling them what you do in your free time is nothing to do with them, you went on the defensive and immediately jumped to criticising their hobbies in some way.. which obviously opened the floodgates for everyone sticking their noses in where it doesn't belong.

It sounds like they inadvertently hit a nerve when they bought it up (which you admit you are touchy about picking it up and putting it down).

The ONLY thing you ever need to do is say "why on earth do you care about my hobbies?" and if they say something else, ask them WHY they care? It normally makes people reflect that actually, it is fuck all to do with them and they have no business criticising what other people like to do, but if you criticise their hobbies then they will criticise yours.

YANBU. Your family were at best teasing you, when they knew it hurt you, and at worst they are mean killjoys. You have the right to spend your money and leisure time as you please. It sounds like this brings you a lot of joy but they want to put conditions (such as 100% eternal commitment) on your being allowed to indulge yourself. But it's got nothing to do with them. Maybe best ask someone from the hobby community to repair the tanks next time though, not your husband. If it starts up again, ask them exactly how your hobby affects them, on repeat, like a broken record.

You do sound hurt - I would feel the same. I think you just need to practice your hobby in a bubble, with other enthusiasts. Don't discuss it at all with your family (unless they ask first).

Exactly

multiple times the op has abandoned this “hobby”

and her interest in it is so superficial that this exchange with her children made her want to jack it in before she’d even started it up again!!

Oh wow I once nearly got sucked into the rabbit hole of fishkeeping. I had a goldfish and some minnows. I wanted to make sure I did right by them and that they had good lives. It was an eye-opener! It got very expensive and very time-consuming very quickly and they still died.

Don’t listen to them - enjoy!

Sorry, I was typing before I saw your update.
It is a bit odd OP. It's an expensive hobby to keep dropping and taking up again. Why not find something else?