Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to put some inheritance towards a holiday?

156 replies

IndieRocknRoll · 17/08/2025 13:56

DH’s father passed away a few months ago.
He’s set to inherit around 80k. This hasn’t been discussed at all between us, however, eventually I asked him directly what he plans to do with the money and he said invest it. Fair enough. It’s his money.
WIBU to ask him to put a small portion towards a family holiday? I’d love to take the DC to Florida before our eldest leaves home. It’s not something we’d ordinarily be able to afford.
For context, over the years I’ve had a few small inheritances totalling around 8k which I’ve used for family holidays or paid into our joint account. My parents and grandparents are very generous by nature and have gifted us money for a house deposit, wedding etc, taken us on holidays, loaned money for home improvements, given cash gifts at Christmas, whereas his parents were really quite frugal. We come from families that despite having similar incomes, have very different attitudes to money and it’s reflected in our own outlooks on money I think!
I kind of feel that he’s benefitted considerably over the years from the generosity of my wider family so AIBU to ask him to use some of this money to pay towards a family holiday or is it a bit grabby?!

OP posts:
Bubblesgun · 17/08/2025 14:11

Can I just say, maybe he sees it as family money and has decided that investing is the best course of action.

we dont know the circumstances, as a s OP said 2 families, same amount of wealth roughly and one with a sizeable inheritance.
maybe her husband knows not to fret money away which a holiday in Florida is.
going on holidays abroad is great of course but not absolutely necessary.

doodleschnoodle · 17/08/2025 14:08

It sounds like he sees the money as his if he has already decided what he’s doing with it without even discussing, which is fair enough, some people feel like this about inheritance, but it seems like your opinions/approaches on this differ.

I’ve recently received a decent-sized inheritance and I’m using a bunch of it for our family life, because that is what will bring me happiness, so paying off mortgage, we did a holiday, replaced both cars. But I would always discuss with DH because I value his opinion. I’d find it weird if he got a sum of money and decided what to do with it without even mentioning to me as that would be unusual for our relationship.

Some people believe their inheritance is only for them, however, and it’s not to be part of the family pool. Is he investing it for family use in the future? Has he spoken about the money at all?

WaltzingWaters · 17/08/2025 14:07

You should ask. Especially seeing as you’ve put the small inheritance amounts you’ve got towards the whole family.

thepariscrimefiles · 17/08/2025 14:05

You aren't being unreasonable. If your small inheritances and your parents' generous cash gifts were shared and spent on stuff that benefitted you both, he should do the same with his.

MuddyPawsIndoors · 17/08/2025 14:04

I'm in the same position as him except I see my inheritance as mine and my DH's money, just as he's always seen it as our money when his family have been generous.

Your situation is different, but I don't think that means you can't suggest the holiday.

Bubblesgun · 17/08/2025 14:01

I dont think you would be unreasonable to ask, but equally he wouldnt be unreasonable to say no.

if you have a mortgage, the best thing to do is to either pay some early if you dont have any fees or little amount of fees for doing so, or investing the money for your future. The future is very uncertain with house prices, jobs, wars etc.
i would love to take my kids to florida too, but thats at least 15/17k£ for a family of 5 (ny sister is just back from 2,5 weeks there) including spending money.

so yes ask if you dint need the cash for anything else, but dont be cross if he says no.
nobody NEEDS a holiday in Florida.