To ask DH to put some inheritance towards a holiday?

Yanbu, especially given that it sounds like you’ve shared far more than the cost of that holiday with him, from family money that you’ve received. Otherwise it’s a case of what’s his is his and what’s yours is shared - that’s not fair.

I’m not sure that you choosing to share and spend it obliges him to do the same. it would be one thing if he saw your inheritance as equally his, but did he? Bu the sounds of it you were indeed free to do with yours the same as he is doing with his? Inheritance doesn’t automatically become a joint marital asset.

You have different attitudes to money. Neither of you are wrong imo.

I think you should just ask. We hadn’t had a holiday for many years and decided to do a family holiday to Florida that everyone could enjoy. This was just over a year ago and cost 8k for a family of 4 adults/teens. We stayed at Disney Springs but did stay onsite in Universal. It was really worth it and so pleased that we did it then as one of my DC’s has become very unwell and we would have no hope of doing it now. It’s really changed my outlook on life, I think that you should do things when you can.

@IndieRocknRoll Apologies if i've missed it but why Florida? You want him to spend 10-15k on a holiday and he doesn't even get a choice in the destination.

Of course you can ask. If you're uncertain or uncomfortable, maybe approach it as "Wouldn't it be nice to take one last family trip before Noah goes off to uni ... " Explain the benefits, and propose Florida with some idea of the costs and discuss how to afford it. He may just shut it down if HE is not interested in a holiday, but at least you'll have talked and have a better idea of what's possible instead of wondering.

Given all that he (and the children) have benefited from your family's money, it is only fair that he share this inheritance with you and the kids. You ARE his family now and have been for some time. For him to hold onto it only for himself and only do as he pleases with it is not only selfish and immature, but the mindset of a bachelor, not a married father.

Even if you don't end up agreeing to use a portion of the money for a trip to Florida, he should be using it for the benefit of his family (you and your kids) just as you did with the money you received from your parents. For example he could put it toward the mortgage, especially given that you helped get the house in the first place!

It's completely out of line for him to accuse you of being after the money when you bring it up when he benefited directly from the generosity of your parents.

He sounds greedy and selfish, not frugal. There is a difference. He's happy to spend your money and expects you to share it, but wants to cling to his own.

I would encourage him to see your equivalent of a certified financial planner to see where his inheritance could best serve.

You need a comfortable emergency savings to cover unexpected situations like broken boiler to job loss.

Maybe start putting the money you're getting from your family aside.

He's looking at future, you're looking at fun.

I always find it strange that married couples regard their monies as totally separate. Whatever money we had was shared money, earnings, inheritances etc. I would have just assumed that the latest inheritance was shared and said where shall we go on holiday before we invest the rest.

I am not sure how to articulate it well but investing it is presumably for your families long term benefit. Putting towards a holiday is because you prioritise these over investing. I’m not sure it’s fair to say he benefited from the holidays and you don’t benefit from the investing, it’s just different mindsets but you both benefit from both. When you spent yours on holidays how much did you talk to him about it? Because really it was clearly your decision as he wouldn’t prioritise that.
i think a better conversation would be ‘dh i see you’ve decided to invest your dads money. I have some concerns that you decided that without even talking to me more because of behaviours you’ve learnt from your parents than because it’s the right thing to do. I know we don’t have a lot of savings and I accept it might be the sensible thing, I just want to make sure you haven’t done this becuase you cannot conceive of spending money, which feels like your parents attitude. And if we had enough to spend I wouldn’t be very happy if you decided we should stay skint and just keep saving, it sounds a miserable way to live, so I’d like you to consider your reasons and if you need to do a little bit of work on adjusting them, so we can retire happy.

Not unreasonable to ask, but a holiday to Florida is not cheap, you’d be looking at 10k min, more like 15k which is a lot. If you don’t have any savings then it makes sense to save / invest it. That said, holidays are important and kids grow up fast. Sounds like he wants to save it.

I think it’s a bit selfish to invest it for someone’s own retirement and not use any of it for family stuff. I appreciate not everyone feels that way. When I inherited a large amount the first thing I did was use it to pay off our mortgage and book a special family holiday. I love my family and want to use it to make our lives better and more enjoyable in the here and now. I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all to ask.

I think it's an unreasonable ask. Where I am, inheritance is not considered a marital asset unless the person uses it for joint things.

It's from his family. He says he has plans to invest. That's something that will pay off in an economically uncertain climate. He might want to pay down the mortgage, invest in pension, renovate or upgrade something in the home, emergency savings, education funds, whatever. Considering you say his attitude towards finances is more in line with his frugal family, he's probably going to want to do something practical.

Just because your family has been generous and you shared your much smaller inheritances doesn't mean he has to do the same.

I think frittering away a considerable sum to go to Florida is frivolous and unnecessary in a poor economic climate.

Ha, my mum made me promise before she died that I would spend some of it on a nice holiday! That’s exactly the sort of thing she would want it to be spent on.

I agree with this. It seems wrong to me to spend someone's life savings and security in such a way.

My father died last year. Booking a family holiday we otherwise would have struggled to afford was the first thing I did. I also bought an extension so we finally have enough space.
Family money isn't it? You wouldn't be unreasonable to ask.

I would imagine a holiday would take a significant portion of this. Uou can ask, but he may feel this is not a good use of the money, especially if his parents were frugal.

it should be joint money. I’ve inherited a small amount in the past and it went into the joint pot.

DH is set to inherit a lot of money soon and we’ve discussed what we will do with it. Help our adult DCs etc, holidays, savings.

Any inheritance (or gifts of money) dh and i have received over the years we've always just assumed it is family money, so we'd decide what to do with it together

We are the same. We've had a few, relatively small gifts/inheritances over the years of our marriage, and we have always considered them to be family money, discussing what to do with it between us.

I've just recently inherited a larger sum of money, and again, we will discuss what to do with it between us. We will most probably blow a smallish amount on a holiday, and invest the rest to make our retirement in a few years more comfortable.

OP, given that you have always shared any money coming in to the family between you, it seems only fair that any money your DH inherits should be family money too. At the very least, you should have your opinions as to what to do with it taken in to account.

You would not be unreasonable to ask. But I think your rationale is skewed. Assuming the investment will ultimately be you as a family, then you have both used family money to benefit the family - yours was holidays and treats, his in long term investments.

this.

I've also always made inheritances etc available as family money, but I think my DH would also invest it.. It's definately worth a conversation and I think you are right re taking your son away on a special holiday ... whilst you have this window of opportunity.

After all if you'd invested your gifts instead of sharing it with him, you'd have enough to do that by now yourself.

Of course you can ask, but having inherited quite large sums of money several times (being the only one of this generation of the family left, sadly), I wouldn't spend any of it on a holiday. To me, the life savings of a relative are not there to be frittered (which I consider a holiday to be, although others might disagree). I see my savings as a safety net which I'll pass on when my time comes for the next generation to use. They might blow the lot... I won't be here to worry about it though.

YANBU and my attitude is the same as yours - as long as savings, pensions, investments, etc are all in place to provide security in old age then have some lovely times with at least some of your money. You can't take it with you, time passes quickly, kids grow up and best time to make happy memories with them is now.

Any inheritance (or gifts of money) dh and i have received over the years we've always just assumed it is family money, so we'd decide what to do with it together. It sounds like the money coming from your side is viewed in this way but not the money from his? Definitely worth a more significant conversation than him just saying "investing", then broach disney from there. I don't think you're unreasonable to ask and I don't think asking your dh about a family holiday is grabby. It might be that he has reasonable reasons for investing it all (crap pension, kids futures etc.) but I'd still expect that conversation if it was my dh.