To ask DH to put some inheritance towards a holiday?

Did DH get any say in the money that you were given, or did you just decide how it would be spent (yes, I know you say you spent it on the family, but did you decide exactly "how").

If your DC are old enough for "leaving home" to be a consideration and you don't have much in the way of savings, I'd suggest that saving it for them as young adults is the biggest concern at this point. If university is a possibility, then they might appreciate parental financial backing there, as opposed to having the money on a holiday.

Can I suggest another option? How much is your mortgage? If you paid it all off or a significant chunk of it now you could then choose to invest the mortgage payment amount you usually would have into a pension fund.

Be aware of locking away money you cannot access until private pension age. There is a suggestion by a pension advisor to pull down money at 55 (soon to increase to 57) and use that to pay off any outstanding mortgage and do exactly what I suggested above.

Very sadly we have had parents die who managed to access their pension for less than a year and also friends die before they even hit 50. So all that investing and planning for nothing. If he needs to retire earlier than his goal of 60 he might not be able to access money or might still have a mortgage to pay.

As someone who has been to Florida a few times it is not a cheap holiday even if you manage to do it cheaply because the cost rockets during school holidays for flights. I totally get it, for us it was a holiday of a lifetime when we first planned and booked it. But it sounds like you have very different attitudes towards money and spending. I am shocked that he didn't even discuss it with you but was more than willing to stick his hand out to receive money via your family when offered. This is meant to be a marriage, a partnership.

Why?

It's not at all unreasonable to say you don't want to spend 10-15k+ on a holiday to a destination you have no say in, especially as he's still grieving the loss of a parent.

I think you could ask but make it clear that if he says no you respect that. I’d say: “You can absolutely say no to this if you would rather not and I won’t think anything bad of it. But I did wonder if you’d consider perhaps organising a nice holiday for the kids and us with a small part of the inheritance? Or perhaps we could save a third outselves and subside the rest? It would be a lovely family experience that the kids will remember forever and be a nice reward for you always working so hard. If not, that’s totally acceptable too as it’s your inheritance and your parents worked hard for it”

'dont think you would be unreasonable to ask, but equally he wouldnt be unreasonable to say no.'

Yes he would.

Well, why have you not been able to afford this before with all the money YOUR parents have given you? You say they’ve paid for holidays before for you, paid your house deposit, your wedding, given you cash lump sums. Why is suddenly something he has to provide? Why wasn’t it such a priority before?

I live in Florida. Depending on which part you are thinking of, you can have a very reasonably priced trip here. There would still be plenty of money leftover, if you select the part of the state you go to wisely. But ultimately it’s his choice.

For us inheritances have always been rainy day money, pay off mortgage, savings so that we can help the kids when they are older if the shit ever hits the fan. It isn't to be spent on a holiday.

To be fair there is a huge difference between 80 grand and 8 thousand. I see your parents have also given you money at other times too but a lump sum of 80 is a lot of money that could make a huge video difference to a families wealth, either by paying off a mortgage quicker or topping up a pension. It sounds as though your family has had a fair share of family holidays so I can quite understand your DP thinking that there would be better ways of using this amount of money rather than spending a quarter of it on a holiday.

I'm curious. Since your savings on the light side, why didn't you put at least some of your inheritance and the money from your family there?

I'll be honest. I would take zero holidays until I had a really comfortable level of available emergency savings to cover emergencies like illness, job loss, HVAC failure, plumbing emergencies and the like. I think you guys need to look at budgeting and building up family money. That way your family isn't financing things like home improvements and holidays.

When inherited money in the past on both sides , we have sat down together and decided to pay off the mortgage, this happened bit by bit , I wanted an extension too , so we did that eventually as it benefitted the whole family.
We then bought a flat to rent out to bring in an income.
My sister had a very big family holiday , lots of small holidays , reduced her hours at work as her children were younger as she was able to after inheriting.
I do wish that we had spent some money on a holiday but I think I might have felt very guilty.
I think you should ask and I think he should be given time to think about it , but I think he is probably still grieving and hasn't given any thought to the money yet , especially as it is from a parent.

If my husband was about to inherit £80k, there’s no way he wouldn’t discuss with me what the money would be used for. Same if it were me.

Seems incredibly selfish to just say invest and even then you’ve had to ask for that information.

Is he always this tight with money?

How much money have your parents given you in total for your wedding, house deposits and home improvements? I bet that would add up to a lot of money that has massively benefitted you both. Was your DH appreciative of all their financial help?

If you receive an inheritance from your parents in future, would he be happy for you to keep it for yourself?

Presumably though it was your choice to spend your inheritances in that way. Therefore it is equally his choice as to what he does.

Honestly on an 80k inheritance I couldn’t spend 10k plus on Disney. Is there a half way house of a cheaper trip that would be memorable, where you could honour his dad and yet still allow him to invest 75k? Was there a special place, sport, band that might make it meaningful?

He should offer. It's crazy that you've no savings are desperate for a hol and he's 'investing' it ie keeping for himself.

Just say outright 'how much have you earmarked for a holiday, 10k? shall we start looking?'

I'd ask. I'd say that you have always made sure your inheritances benefit the family and enable you to have experiences you couldn't otherwise enjoy, and that you'd like him to consider putting aside an amount for a special family holiday, just as you did with your inheritances.

We did this when I came into some money, and it enabled a trip of a lifetime swhich DC still talk about often. It was a really good idea.

I'm lucky that we no longer have a mortgage, cars paid for - no debts.

If one of us had received an inheritance when we had children, mortgage etc, I know that we would have paid off a chunk of the mortgage as the sooner you get rid, the better off the family would be as a whole & then earnings can go on holidays rather than paying the mortgage. This is what we did, we overpaid the mortgage every year getting rid of a 20 year mortgage in (as I remember) 11 years.

Once the mortgage was paid off DH spent every spare penny on expanding his business. But then it paid off in the end when he retired & sold it at a big profit much of which has gone into trust funds for GC, which we've since added to. They won't need to worry about getting into debt if they choose to go to Uni &, with the interest that's accumulating, there will still be a decent amount left for deposits on their first homes.

Did he ever make suggestions about what should be done with money that came your way?

Florida is just so expensive, I know it's amazing and would love to take mine but can you justify almost 20% of his inheritance towards 1 holiday?

I'd say invest it for your dc so it essentially skips a generation. Intergenerational wealth is what makes the difference. If you blow it all on a holiday or your own pensions then your dc won't see the benefit.

There’s a big difference between a modest holiday and the expectation of a mega expensive trip to Disney in US - the money if invested would potentially set your children up in their own homes or fund a comfortable retirement

This

I love a Florida holiday but I think in the financial circumstances together e described YABU. You say you don’t really have any savings, so first priority is 6 months expenses in a high interest savings account, then invest the rest - perhaps a stocks and shares ISA, or pay a chunk off the mortgage (depends what interest rates and early repayment penalties are).

I don't think you'd be unreasonable to ask.
I also think he'd be unreasonable to say no under the circumstances you've described. In fact, I think he should have suggested it himself. Shame you're going to have to raise it imo.

He has happily taken taken taken from your family, accepted family holidays from your inheritances, but hasn't immediately offered to do the same. A single holiday?

I would be saying something.

How did you get it that cheaply? Whenever I’ve looked at the cost for 2 adults and 2 teens it’s been in excess of 10k.