To ask if anyone else is facing retirement without friends

Yes, it would be nice to have not a friend of the bosom, but just a dog-walking or quick coffee friend. I like dh well enough, but he’s not a woman…

WTF @MaturingCheeseball what an awful woman to suggest meeting and then drop you!
BTW I am very outgoing and not shy at all. I just think some people don't want friends. A lot of women seem very co-dependent with their husbands or partners, I find.

Yes, that's all I want too. I have maybe one or two friends that can do this. The rest are ' too busy' and I have to constantly chase. I have given up now. I can get being too busy if you have small kids or ailing parents, but none of them are in that situation. Some don't even work full time.

I think as Mel Robbins says, making friends requires over a 100 hours spent together. So if you are not doing that at uni or work or at the school gates, it becomes much harder.

I do agree with the “collecting friends” comment. I suppose it’s because these people are outgoing and us shyer types are thrilled someone has made the first move.

I’m just reminded of a terrible “new friend” moment. I met a woman on a course and we got on very well, such that she suggested we meet a few weeks later for a coffee. So we meet up, chat away for an hour, and then she leans forward and says, “MaturingCheeseball, I have lots of friends, and I’m afraid I don’t have any room for new ones at the moment, but if things change I’ll let you know.” I don’t think my mouth could form any words. I was so embarrassed and had to slink off with my tail between my legs.

Well on the bright side, retirement is a prime life stage to make friends (for women anyway). It sounds like you’d like some now though, are there hobbies etc you’d like to take up?

I'm quite a low maintenance friend, just want to meet up for a coffee or dog walk, occasional cinema trip. I like my own company but get fed up of doing stuff on my own.
Same! I'm not going to want frequent messages or phone calls, would never go on holiday with friends. Just a few different people that I could meet up with once a week. I have two people who I can do coffee with but they are only about once every size weeks. It's always, always me who does the running.

Re post above, I both sing in a choir and volunteer. Enjoy it but have found it hard to go beyond pleasantries in group settings.

I think it's worth having a long think about how you want to spend your time when retired or in the preceding years, whether that's singing in a choir or volunteering or whatever. All I can say is persist with whatever activity. It takes ages to make new friends, sometimes years. Good luck.

I likely will be as many of my friends have drifted away or actually moved away.
I think this is common these days. Might not be you.

I am trying to make some through hobby groups but it takes time.

Yes. It's difficult.
I think there are different kinds of friends. The idea of a best friend isn't something everyone can find. There are those who you are close enough to meet for coffee, those you know from an activity but wouldn't meet outside and others you've known for years but never really done anything other than pass the time of day. When you work you can get to know people really well but IME that seldom translates to friendship outside of work.

I have never had a huge circle of friends and the ones I've had tend to be what I call "people collectors". They are the sort who have so many friends and such a busy life that they struggle to fit you in. Sometimes you don't realise they are like this at first.
In my 60s now and I have one friend who lives 200 miles away and see once a year. Another who lives down the road and would do anything if asked but is always busy so I seldom see her for a proper meet up, most often it's just for something practical like watering for each other on holiday. The only people I regularly meet up with are my sister and another friend who is nice enough but we are not close.

I accept that it must be me, I struggled as a child. I try to make connections even if they are casual. I know a few people through pilates and craft groups but not that I would call close friends.

I’m almost a decade younger than you but expect this to be me. I used to have friends but after moving to follow H’s job and my marriage collapsing after he became abusive, I find myself with no friends. I’ve tried for nearly a decade but only make ‘situational’ friends that never survive the situation changing. After so much thwarted hope and so much picking myself up and trying again, I don’t really have the resilience to keep trying. So I expect this will be me.

Honestly I’m stunned by it. I’ve always made at least some friends whenever I have moved in life, but have completely failed here. I think the people who know me would be really surprised to find I have no actual friends, but I don’t.

I wouldn’t worry too much, when you actually retire, you can take up some hobbies or volunteering and make new friends that way. You need different people for different stages in your life anyway.