To ask if anyone else is facing retirement without friends

Perhaps it’s worth clarifying what a close friend represents.

Today I was involved in a significant incident that left me feeling very vulnerable. I dealt with the situation well, and feel really proud just how far I have developed a resilience and resourcefulness.

On the challenging side, there wasn’t anyone I could call for a ‘I’ve got your back’, drop everything to meet for a consolation coffee.

This is the kind of friendship I miss.

I have no problem doing things independently. Even I have my limits.

@DaisyChain505 there are plenty of ways to meet people but as many have said on this thread it's very hard to extend that meeting to friendship, even very casual friendship.

That would be lovely! I often read posts by people on MN and think “they sound nice” but one would sound like a complete stalkery loon if one suggested progressing an online acquaintance.

I've actually done this with online friends who I have a very specific thing in common with. Years ago I met up with a MNer, DC were convinced I was meeting a mad axe murderer. It was fun but we live a long way away.
I also progressed some online friends from breast cancer groups.

Have you thought about joining NWR?
I moved to a completely new county by myself when I retired and knew nobody ( moved for financial reasons. )
I joined the local NWR group and I was very nervous about meeting up.
Really glad I went- we go out for coffees and occasional lunches, go to the cinema, visit National Trust etc.
You can dip in and out of activities, it's entirely up to you.
Worth looking up!

There are so many options out there for meeting people

Local churches (you don’t need to be religious)
Community centres
Library groups
Walking groups
Volunteering at charity shops, animal shelters etc.

Theres so much out there for you!

If you use the internet check out local facebook community pages and ask for advice on groups, contact your local council offices and they may have info too.

OP, I am in London, so have plenty of clubs. I have joined a movie club for company. They are not my friends exactly, but good acquaintances to see a movie with. Anything like this near you?

I’m 62. Divorced 9 years. No close family.

I have actively tried to broaden my friendship group through work, volunteer work, hobbies.

My friendship has shrunk with people moving away, naturally dropping away, or withdrawing further into their own bubble.

I have intentionally embraced the reality of the situation. I am pragmatic about it. There’s nothing drastically wrong with me. It just is.

I also had a situation where over a coffee someone told me they didn’t have room in their life for more friends.

I am now looking to move, a fresh start somewhere fabulous. I have decided I can take advantage of the situation and go anywhere.

I also have learnt I’m probably in the situation because I have a low tolerance to chatting shit for hours. I embrace it! What can I say. 🌈

That would be lovely! I often read posts by people on MN and think “they sound nice” but one would sound like a complete stalkery loon if one suggested progressing an online acquaintance.

I often yearn to live in a village, but know that it would be just my luck to land in the world’s most cliquey and unfriendly place!

Not really the point of the post but I'm sitting here with OH ( I have about two friends tbh) thinking If all the people with few friends made friends with each other then the problem would be solved.

I think that is genuinely one of the rudest comments I have heard. Clearly not bad language, racist, homophobic etc, but just good old-fashioned rude. Ignore.

I'm low on friends, in my 60s, but I'm quite ok with that. I realised that my need for friendship is pretty functional - someone to visit Kew Gardens with, that sort of thing. I am unable to do the close emotional stuff that people with good friends do.

Instead I walk the dogs and go to classes at the gym, where I have that level of connection you get at work- good acquaintances. But I don't imagine any of them will turn into friends.

You’ll start afresh in retirement with some new hobbies and activities. Eg volunteering, joining the Ramblers/ a ladies wild swimming club/ a beginners bridge class/ whatever. You’ll meet people there are have time to get to know people. You can develop friendships from those connections eg organise a Christmas lunch for everyone to get together in December. Eg hold a summer bbw and get everyone to bring a dish for the bridge group for the end of term. Eg talk about some film you want to see at the Ramblers walk and if someone bites suggest you get tickets.

You’re going to have to make an effort initially, so you may find yourself a bit busier than you want to be, but this time is an investment in your future friendships. You can dial things down a bit later if you need to.

OP I would start putting in the leg work now for when you transition to retirement.
Volunteer for a cause you are passionate about
Do you have a dog of your own, if you do frequent the same places on a regular basis, you will get to see the same people and build up relationships
If you don't have your own dog volunteer as a Cinnamon Trust Dog walker
Join a walking group
Join a book club
Volunteer at a local hospice
Be a 'good' neighbour and check in on those around you
Take up amateur dramatics (backstage if you don't want to be front of house)
You just need to find your 'tribe' once you do the friendships will follow.
Good luck OP, I wish you well.

I will need to create a friendship group when I retire as I only have a few individual old friends I see once in a blue moon as all I have time for at present is a work, family and one regular activity a week. I plan to join lots of things.

Same here - everyone just seemed to disappear into their family bubbles during Covid and I’ve not seen them since!
It’s so hard to make friends over 40.
I’ve got too old to do the one hobby/sport that I’m good at, competitively anyway, and if you’re not competing its a solitary hobby.
Given up drinking/pubs as perimenopause didn’t agree with the wine, and eating out has got very expensive and often disappointing.
DH’s health isnt great, so he’s not the life and soul of the party anymore which i think stopped the dinner party invites.
And I’m only 50 - thank god my teenagers are reasonable company most of the time!

Can I suggest you get an allotment? I can’t set foot on our site without people coming over to chat. I’ve taken to sneaking in in the hope that my very friendly fellow plot holders don’t spot me. (I’m not as antisocial as that would suggest, I promise)

. Ive joined a local interest group but it’s so, so hard to keep plastering a smile on and hoping to “click” with someone. Ive told myself I have to give it a year at least.

I've done Pilates at a village hall for ten years. It was probably 5 years before I got as far as exchanging a phone number in case of cancellation.
I've tried a few craft groups and instantly hated them, nothing in common with anyone there and very cliquey. I finally found one which I like but it's only been two years so no busom pals yet🤣

Oh can I join the No Friends group?! Well, I do have friends but not ones I can see easily. Ive joined a local interest group but it’s so, so hard to keep plastering a smile on and hoping to “click” with someone. Ive told myself I have to give it a year at least.

All I want - as a PP said - is someone to go for a coffee with, walk/lunch etc. No big commitments. I have DH who I love very much but its not good to spend all our time together.

I went to the seaside by myself on Friday. DH was working. I do quite a few solo holidays as DH is often working plus I often need time on my own.
I enjoy solo travel and pleasing myself. I think travelling with friends would cramp my style. But as I said, I would like to meet for a casual coffee every two weeks or so.

I'm in the same position

Retired at the end of March. Old friends seem busy with grandchildren or have just moved on

At the moment I'm enjoying being at home with my little dog and I'm married so not alone

Thought about joining groups but haven't got the mental energy to try and make new friends at the moment

Retired here, live alone too. I realised after working that colleagues are just that, and when you're gone you're gone! I prepared myself for that though.

Now I have a very small circle of three female "friends". However it is at most twice a year that we each meet up as none of them know the others IYSWIM. That, quite frankly suits me perfectly, but I suppose it depends on the type of person you are. They are all married with kids and grandkids, whereas I'm not.

I think now, looking back that as we get older we have to develop an independent resilience and rely on our own company more and more. I am happy to say that I can cope quite well without everyday friends and just go off and do my own thing. I do have a younger sister, who is busy with her kids and grandkids but we go on hols for a week together every year and meet up a few times but that's it.

Everyone is busy within their own bubble. That's the reality, but casual acquaintances are nice to have also. I just don't make the mistake that Pauline in the book club will ever be my best mate. No she won't.

I feel the best way to make friends is through being involved in a common activity so you’re seeing each other frequently without having to arrange each time, and also if it’s part of a wider thing there’s other people keep the relationships going so it’s not so intense. Tennis has been the thing for me that has done this, but obviously, there are many other activities you can do, especially when retired.

Not me, but mom is retired and has no friends. I am trying to get her to join more social groups.

I’m single and virtually friendless so I can see myself there in 10 years time

For me it’s not a case of having enough time for hobbies and making friends that way when retired as I just can’t really make and sustain relationships outside of work and close family

I expect to be alone and hope my family still want to see me