To ask if anyone else is facing retirement without friends

Yup, this will be me: no friends plus living in poverty eith no secure housing . I’m hoping I have an early death

Retiring through ill health is painfully lonely, miserable, the longest days ever known, watching the clock tick by wishing the days away, dread hearing the door open and close when my husband leaves at the crack of dawn for work...at least another 12 hours with no human contact. I wouldn't wish it on anyone....dreading waking up and wading your way through yet another day simply existing with those closest to you not having the first idea of how you feel. 🙁. RETIREMENT WITH A DISABILITY IN A NITSHELL.

This is very valid .
im my area someone without friends started a social over 60’s group because she felt isolated and it now has over 1000 members . There are events every night of the week now and a lot of people have met their friends and formed sub groups .
all from an open Facebook post on the local page .
there are zillions of people wanting to make connections and you just need one person to step outside the box and do something .

Oh no! Our ladies are honestly lovely.

I volunteered in a library project one summer and to my horror the knit and natter group was so incredibly toxic with Queen bee types basically bullying everyone else and just slagging people off the whole session. It was a real eye opener to me, old ladies knitting together sounded so wholesome!

That is awful. I presume you are eagerly awaiting her call to tell you she has a small gap in her diary😁

I think this is so common now, it's very hard to move beyond surface level friendships and so many people are complaining about feeling socially isolated/lonely, even though they have acquaintances. Joining a running club or a dog group seem to be the best ways to meet people who socialize more regularly.

I work in a library - there’s a group of retired women who are friends who come in and do cafe after. There’s also a book club, gardening club and a craft club.
i go to our council gym - there’s a huge network of retired people there who exercise and socialise together
in my villiage- there’s a women’s group, a Tuesday group, a knit and knatter and a walkers group.
I imagine retirement to be very social

This is an excellent suggestion. I have met many nice people (and cute dogs) while I'm dog walking.

Just because you are the common denominator does not mean you are the cause. As you've described it, there were multiple reasons friends drifted away. It happens to the best of of us, because not all friendships stand the test of time, just like not all marriages do. I'm the same age as you and am finding a lot of common ground with women my age because I live in an area where there are a lot of retired people. When I was younger it was actually more difficult to find people I had things in common with. What about your neighbours? Surely there are some women around your age in the area.

I would suggest getting a friendly dog! You’ll see the same people who walk at the same time and make friends before long. I’ve never known so many people in the area.

Friendships are best when you see each other naturally and as part of something else. Whether that’s rambling or volunteering etc.

Someone else said they just want to see people once a week for a coffee but that is quite a lot!

I've noticed as I get older that I tend to see lots of people occasionally, rather than having close friends I see often. I have some friends I see once every 1-2 months. Another local friend I see once a month for dog walks. Same with an ex-school-gate friend. Some work colleagues I only see once a year when our paths converge at work but we get on very well and try to do some social things together. Old friends from school or uni decades ago, who i see once a year. And it suits me so well.

Can you just spread the net very wide, so there is always someone to go to the cinema with or for a dog walk with but it's not necessarily the same person? So arrange to see ex-colleagues or the friends who have gone quiet since lockdown, even if it's only once a year. Make new friends through the usual channels - exercise classes and hobby groups, volunteering for charities, community events, local church or political parties or campaign groups. IME, making friends through activities tends to take about two years before it segues from just hi-and-bye at yoga to 'let's go for a coffee after class', so it has to be activities you genuinely enjoy, that get you out of the house and interacting with others, even if they are not (yet) your friends.

OP I was in your position too when I left work. My work colleagues were just that and we didn’t really have anything in common.

But….
I’ve joined the WI, a local craft group that meets fortnightly in the pub and a local weekly walking group. I also go to yoga class and often stay on for a coffee and a chat afterwards. I’ve also volunteered to help with reading at a local primary school from September.

i walk a lot locally and know lots of other regular walkers and neighbours to chat and pass the time of day with. I read a lot too and visit the library and attend lectures, quizzes and summer and Christmas meetings ups organised by the library. Add to this family and a few longstanding friends and I’m out and about every day. Good luck.

Not easy. Im 50s find I have make big efforts and if they dont.. a hobby is good. It does knock your confidence though. My friend is lovely but the grandkids took over. Find she doesnt really go out now..

I agree with PP, do look for a U3A. Lots of different interest groups to join, our does days out and holidays too.

When you are retired or semi retired have a look at the U3a organisation for groups nearby .

They offer lots of different activities, totally affordable as the joining fee is something like £15 annually.

I would say definitely get a hobby if you can. I struggled for ages to go to a in life person craft group as I had younger children but as soon as the youngest was in year 6, I was off. I also attended an online knitting group and we have regular in person meet ups too which is really lovely.

I have some close friends and acquaintances but I do really like my friends I met at my craft nights. It’s lovely not having to bore my family with things that others are happy to discuss. It’s great there’s a real mix of backgrounds and everyone is very welcoming and friendly.

64 here. My very best friend died last year, my second best friend after 10 years a single mum has a new partner, another has moved 100 miles away - so am concentrating my efforts on increasing my circles of friends in anticipation of retirement.

Ah I forgot to mention I used to be in Rock choir and it was a massive group and after a gig some used to meet up for drinks or a meal. They were friendly.

Look out for any church social groups, you don't need to go to the church. You could pop into a library and ask about any book groups. If you decide you would like to volunteer you will no doubt make some friends Join U3A they are bound to be running a group involving something you like. Find out if the Salvation army run a weekly lunch club. Hopefully by joining some groups you will get to meet people. Do you like the people you are working with.? As they retire you could all go for lunch together.

Agree, on the whole. Finding your tribe can be tricky.

Hi, it's much much easier to make friends in your 60s. People our age are more open.
Just concentrate on joining groups, exercise groups, hobby groups, church or volunteering. You will make friends in no time. I can't wait to retire in 4 years and do a lot more than I do now.

I'd really recommend looking to see if there is a local u3a group when you retire - there are over 1000 in the country so there'll almost certainly be one close by. As they're all run independently by their members what groups they offer will vary but they'll almost certainly be some that interest you - ours includes several walking groups, including one with dogs, exercise and dance groups, music and singing, arts and crafts and one for general socialising where people go out together for meals or cinema trips.

We relocated to a completely new part of the country when we retired and left all our work friends and acquaintances behind, but joining the local u3a has really helped us build new friendships.
u3a - Find your local u3a

I probably wouldn’t worry too much about I think most friendships are transitional (of course not all), meaning at different stages in your life you have different friends and those friendships fade out and the next transition brings new ones.

So school friends lose touch after adulthood starts, work friends largely come and go with different jobs, mum friends fade away as children grow, etc. I think retirement friendships will be the same. But they with retirement friends is that they’ll be activity or location based so there will be onus to get out and stay involved with life in social situations.

I’m saying this as a person who has let friendships slide as work and life commitments took over. Honestly I would have been a bad friend if I tried to keep them up.