To ask if anyone else is facing retirement without friends

I'm 70, working part-time but retiring at the end of next month. I'm dreading it.

I've outlived a lot of my friends, lost touch with a couple, my vile ex poisoned a few against me during our (very acrimonious) divorce, one has moved to France (and I hate travelling), two are busy caring for partners who are very unwell, and one has long spells of depression where she doesn't want to see anyone for months on end.

I'm not much of a joiner of things, and arthritis prevents me from dog walks and exercise classes. I'm not into crafts, or sport, and would love to be able to just sit in a pub or cafe for a couple of hours nattering. My only real interests are books and politics. I tried a book group, but it felt very cliquey and I gave it up after 2 sessions. I'm a member of a political party, but they all seem dreadfully earnest and dull, and mostly go straight home after meetings.

I seem to have lost the knack of socialising, plus I'm autistic, so can put people off unintentionally. I'm going to go to a bereavment group in October (partner died 5 years ago, and I'm still grieving), so maybe will meet some like-minded people there.

It's beyond grim.

No not easy. I met a few nice girls through our buses (school bus) and they good re coffees/meetups. My other friend blows hot and cold. Im 50s. Found group things clicky. Def hard. Could see why people dont have friends

If you like dogs I wonder recommended one.everyone chats and stops and a little group at the park are friendly.Any volunteering or perhaps church activities. I think when you retire though you wonder how you had time to go to work! You slow down and have different activities. I go for a coffee sometimes alone.felt brave but no one notices. Have friends and SIL as well .Good luck .also can u stay in touch with old workmates at all

I'm 50 and in a similar boat.

I'm friendly and people seem to like me. I know a lot of people but I don't have any actual friends.

I've had friends but have been unlucky and I'm now the age I am and veer from thinking that I need to try again and not really being in the frame of mind to deal with the rejection or the unreciprocated effort again.

My world feels very small at times.

My mum was 64 when she made lots of new friends at a local slimming club. She’s nearly 70
now and has a fabulous social life. She goes on holiday, theatre, days out etc .

I’ve never found it particularly easy to make friends and now find myself retired with pretty much none. I have a disabled adult daughter living with me which makes things even harder, I find it hard to commit to a regular hobby or whatever. I’m fairly ok on my own but deep down if I think about it I would like friends. It’s hard.

Wow. How unfriendly.
The groups I have joined in London have been friendly and welcoming. However they have all been close friends for ages, so it's hard being accepted in that circle immediately. Nevertheless I am ok to be on the edge of the circle, as long as people are polite, which they are.

Horrible. I go to an aqua class at the gym. Lucky I'm not looking to make friends - I've been going 4 days a week for about 6 months and still the main clique don't even make eye contact. I am now on speaking terms with several other lone women but it's going to be a huge jump to being friends.

I have had bad luck with groups; maybe it’s me! I tried the book group at the library. When I sat down, I was told crisply that it was Barbara’s seat, so I moved and then I was told (not asked) to move along as some women wanted to sit together. At the interval not one person spoke to me and when I went up for a coffee, humbly joining the back of the line, the dispenser snapped that it had run out. I know it was silly but I was starting to get tearful as people weren’t merely unfriendly, but a bit hostile as in what are you doing here?

A friend of dh’s joined a rock choir. He’s a man so you’d’ve thought a deep voice would have been welcome. He said he stood in three places and each time he was in Sue’s, Jane’s or Sally’s spot. He gave up and went home.

Lots of people suggesting it's a piece of cake to join lots of groups and make friends. Perhaps those posters are the sort who already have lots of friends because it comes easily to them?

It doesn't to me. I've joined lots of groups and some were AWFUL.

to my horror the knit and natter group was so incredibly toxic with Queen bee types basically bullying everyone else and just slagging people off the whole session

I found the same at a knit and natter. It took so much courage to turn up and join a table of about 10 women who already knew each other, only to be ignored for an hour.

U3A doesn't exist near me, it sounds like a great idea.
Location is a factor. I'm sure in cities there's plenty of choice but I live in a village in agricultural Lincolnshire.

NWR is the National Women's Register. I've been reading the thread as am in the same boat, having moved counties and countries several times, i have friends, but not in the same neighbourhood, to go for a coffee or the cinema with occasionally etc.

I live in a cul-de-sac where everyone is in and out of each others houses for a cuppa,helping in the gardens, chatting on driveways etc. Lots are retired... including me now.
Do you have an "open door policy"? We always have. A knock at our door will always be answered, you will always be invited in etc.
Do you have neighbours? We have a WhatsApp group "anyone want a cuppa and cake?", "we've excess rhubarb, plums, apples, etc, etc.. just pop round to number 4 "
Not entirely sure where neighbour/acquaintance/friend boundaries are, (is it just time?) but life is nicer with them in it. So would suggest looking close to home as well.

I picked up a book in a second hand shop last week by Elizabeth Day - it's called 'Friendaholic' and it covers a lot of the issues being discussed on this thread. It's a fascinating read.

Where I live, there is a Facebook group call 'place name' Ladies, I would say 80% of the members are retirees, it is open to any woman who want to join. They meet in cafes/pubs/meals out/ daytrips some of them have even been on holiday together. Have a look of Facebook and see if there is anything near you that is similar. Otherwise the Ramblers or University of the 3rd Age might be worth looking into. Don't feel bad about yourself, I think alot of people have periods in their lives where they realise they don't have many/any friends, sometimes you just grow apart from people and it's time to cast your net wider. Good luck there are plenty of people out there that want to meet a friend too 😊 Just give yourself a push!

How horrible. She is probably a narcissist who enjoys the power of hurting people. Big hugs xx

Perhaps you need to get out more to enable you to meet new friends. Is there a meet up group or a wi?

Yes, join the NWR or the WI. There is something similar where I live and I've clicked with a couple of women there and see them for coffee occasionally.

Yes its hit and miss. I met a nice girl through our kids sport. We do odd coffee. She said same people dont commit now. Sometimes you have push yourself its not easy. My sister has loads friends but they all make effort to keep it going.

But thats not everybody’s experience. I am really trying to join groups etc. Yes people are friendly enough to say hello but it never seems to go beyond that. I haven’t found anyone yet who appears on my wavelength , same sense of humour etc which is how friendships form

Don't worry OP, both of my parents made a ton of new friends in retirement, volunteering at various things!

This sounds more like depression than disability .

😢

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I hear you. If you need a pen pal to help pass the time feel free to PM me.