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Original poster

Evening only wedding invite

163 replies

lucylondon7878 · 17/08/2025 06:44

A friend of 20+ years is having her wedding:

  • we were very close at school, over the years drifted a little but still maintain regular contact and meet regularly, know her parents etc
  • I was a little surprised to only be invited to the evening part of her wedding
  • more so given others, but not all, within that friendship group (who I'd say have the same level of contact) have been invited to the entire day
  • made more awkward by the fact I now live around 2000 miles away
  • the wedding is taking place on her land so it's not like "numbers" are really an issue, nor is budget

It makes me question whether to bother with this friendship as it seems a message is being sent, and my inclination is to just abandon it

OP posts:
GermanShepherd74 · 17/08/2025 07:35

Maybe there are two strands to this, OP.

  1. If you’re in town anyway, I’d go to the evening do, as attending key events in a person’s life can help people feel how lucky they are to have a nice bunch of people around them. By RSVPing yes at this point you might get bumped to the full day anyway once their numbers are confirmed.

2.Reasses the friendship - separate to the wedding. Is there a reason she doesn’t travel to you eg childcare or something? Do you have children OP? You might be in different life stages where you are jet-setting and have a cool job (by the sounds of it!) and she is getting her domestic life settled. Seeing any friend every 8 weeks can be a lot if you’ve got a baby, financial worries, a house needing repairs, family dynamics to tend to, a flagging career etc etc.

It sounds like you have other options when you visit London so what about taking the time to focus on other friends or dive into a new interest?

LillyPJ · 17/08/2025 07:34

MrsDoubtfire1 · 17/08/2025 07:30

Drop her. 2,000 miles is some way, what four hour flight? Cost? Just for an evening? When my good uni friend got married in South Africa, she sent me a wedding invitation but with the letter she said 'I know you won't be able to come but put this on your mantel piece and be with us in spirit', which I thought was the perfect way of dealing with it. Your friend is not a cultured, sophisticated person with savoir faire - she is a pumpkin from the sticks who knows no better.

Why the dig at people 'from the sticks'? It sounds awfully snobby. Amazingly, people who live in rural area can also be cultured and sophisticated.

chatgptsbestmate · 17/08/2025 07:31

Othersnotsomuch · 17/08/2025 07:27

I doubt even fazing out is required

Show quote history

I meant faze her out of the 8 week meet ups. But perhaps I should have said.....stop meeting up every 8 weeks!!

MrsDoubtfire1 · 17/08/2025 07:30

Drop her. 2,000 miles is some way, what four hour flight? Cost? Just for an evening? When my good uni friend got married in South Africa, she sent me a wedding invitation but with the letter she said 'I know you won't be able to come but put this on your mantel piece and be with us in spirit', which I thought was the perfect way of dealing with it. Your friend is not a cultured, sophisticated person with savoir faire - she is a pumpkin from the sticks who knows no better.

piccalili · 17/08/2025 07:29

Wow I’d be so offended aswell OP! My best friend lives 30 mins away and we absolutely don’t see each other every 8 weeks!!! Do you catch up as a group or just you and her? Could it be a mistake?! Does she talk much about the wedding when she sees you? I would be tempted to message her and say thankyou for the evening invite it is just a long trip to make for you for an evening event and you do consider her one of your oldest and closest friends and would feel sad not to see her tie the knot.

is it close family only during the ceremony or something?! you don’t have anything to lose by being up front - as if it’s the case she’s only inviting you to the evening do I would agree she sees the friendship differently and you clearly need to put more energy into other friendships

LillyPJ · 17/08/2025 07:28

I wouldn't go that far for a wedding, even if it was the whole day. Maybe not even if it was a close friend. I'd send them a card and a present and wish them well.

Mulledjuice · 17/08/2025 07:27

Have a handhold OP. It can't be a nice realisation.

Othersnotsomuch · 17/08/2025 07:27

chatgptsbestmate · 17/08/2025 07:24

Faze her out

Show quote history

I doubt even fazing out is required

chatgptsbestmate · 17/08/2025 07:24

lucylondon7878 · 17/08/2025 07:08

the travel in itself is not an issue as my company pays for business class

but yes, and there is 0 effort on her part to come into London (which stupidly had not crossed my mind before) and makes me question this even more

Show quote history

Faze her out

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 17/08/2025 07:21

Evening invites should be for locals. Work colleagues, friends from your local hobby/sports team etc. Or possibly if you have masses of cousins and they have masses of kids.

Othersnotsomuch · 17/08/2025 07:17

lucylondon7878 · 17/08/2025 07:13

it has taken this event for the "penny to drop"

Show quote history

Well hopefully it’s well and truly “dropped”!!

Othersnotsomuch · 17/08/2025 07:16

Do you have a partner op? How old are you?

Doingmybest12 · 17/08/2025 07:15

I think if you see her every couple of months and travel to see her each time you are in the UK, then it seems out of kilter to receive evening only invitation. Has she tried to tie it in with the time she thinks you'll have. Seems like the friendship is more of a priority for you than her.

Butchyrestingface · 17/08/2025 07:14

lucylondon7878 · 17/08/2025 07:08

the travel in itself is not an issue as my company pays for business class

but yes, and there is 0 effort on her part to come into London (which stupidly had not crossed my mind before) and makes me question this even more

Show quote history

Can’t believe she’s never been arsed to put herself out even a fraction to see you after you’ve travelled such a distance.

That makes the friendship sound very one-sided. I’d be rethinking it.

Original poster
lucylondon7878 · 17/08/2025 07:13

Othersnotsomuch · 17/08/2025 07:12

You have been doing this journey every 8 weeks for many years
She’s been making very little effort in these meet ups for years

and only now you get an evening invite are you considering asserting yourself? Weird

it has taken this event for the "penny to drop"

OP posts:
Othersnotsomuch · 17/08/2025 07:13

lucylondon7878 · 17/08/2025 07:12

far from my only friend, however there's something a little nostalgic about trying to keep school friendships alive, but maybe that's wishful thinking as time goes on

Show quote history

Flipping heck op
then you should really get some self respect and dial back this friendship
I don’t think you’ll get much of a reaction though

MikeRafone · 17/08/2025 07:12

I’d decline the invitation. You’d still have the expense of present, travel, hotel, new outfit, drinks etc but not see the wedding.

just rspv your unfortunately unable to now attend

Othersnotsomuch · 17/08/2025 07:12

You have been doing this journey every 8 weeks for many years
She’s been making very little effort in these meet ups for years

and only now you get an evening invite are you considering asserting yourself? Weird

Original poster
lucylondon7878 · 17/08/2025 07:12

Othersnotsomuch · 17/08/2025 07:10

Good grief op

by the sounds of it, you should be surprised you even got an evening invite.

Is she… your only friend?

or do you go to this effort in exchange for very little for all your friends?

Show quote history

far from my only friend, however there's something a little nostalgic about trying to keep school friendships alive, but maybe that's wishful thinking as time goes on

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 17/08/2025 07:11

I wouldn’t be doing a 4,000 mile round trip to go to someone’s evening reception, no.

You seem to see the journey more like jumping on a bus though, given your work schedule. So ‘your mileage may vary’.

Othersnotsomuch · 17/08/2025 07:10

lucylondon7878 · 17/08/2025 07:08

the travel in itself is not an issue as my company pays for business class

but yes, and there is 0 effort on her part to come into London (which stupidly had not crossed my mind before) and makes me question this even more

Show quote history

Good grief op

by the sounds of it, you should be surprised you even got an evening invite.

Is she… your only friend?

or do you go to this effort in exchange for very little for all your friends?

Original poster
lucylondon7878 · 17/08/2025 07:08

chatgptsbestmate · 17/08/2025 07:07

Wow! You travel 4000 miles (round trip) every 8 weeks? And also you make sure that you see her each time? That's dedication. I think, under these circumstances, it's a slap in the face not to be invited to the whole day. I wouldn't go to the evening do and I'd phase out the friendship, in a non showy way.

Show quote history

the travel in itself is not an issue as my company pays for business class

but yes, and there is 0 effort on her part to come into London (which stupidly had not crossed my mind before) and makes me question this even more

OP posts:
chatgptsbestmate · 17/08/2025 07:07

lucylondon7878 · 17/08/2025 07:01

every 8 weeks or so I'd say, I make an explicit effort to meet when I return to the UK

Show quote history

Wow! You travel 4000 miles (round trip) every 8 weeks? And also you make sure that you see her each time? That's dedication. I think, under these circumstances, it's a slap in the face not to be invited to the whole day. I wouldn't go to the evening do and I'd phase out the friendship, in a non showy way.

Original poster
lucylondon7878 · 17/08/2025 07:06

Othersnotsomuch · 17/08/2025 07:04

You live 2000 miles away
and see one another every 8 weeks
what do you do when you get together? You go out of your way to meet her?

Show quote history

my job requires me to travel to the UK, go for drinks/dinner standard things like that

and yes I do go out of my way, I could just stay in London but I make the effort to travel 1.5hrs on the train to see her, and 1.5hrs back

OP posts:
Othersnotsomuch · 17/08/2025 07:04

lucylondon7878 · 17/08/2025 07:01

every 8 weeks or so I'd say, I make an explicit effort to meet when I return to the UK

Show quote history

Who instigates and arranges these meetings ups?

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