Evening only wedding invite

Evening invites are people who make up the numbers. Don't go.

Your friend is not a cultured, sophisticated person with savoir faire - she is a pumpkin from the sticks who knows no better

No "cultured, sophisticated person with savour faire" would be so openly crass as to come out with this. You sound very ignorant.

Hi Friend
Thank you for your invitation but, as you know, it would be a long way for me to travel for an evening do. I am sorry I won’t be able to join you on your special day and hope you have an amazing time.

It would be good to see you next time I’m in London if you feel like travelling down at all? We could meet for a few drinks or some dinner perhaps - I’d love to hear about your wedding day if you fancy an evening in the city?

Love, Lucy x

I don't think you are very representative of everyone as many people do enjoy social events

I would just refuse the invitation. Let her work out why. I certainly wouldn’t lose any sleep over worrying if you have offended her. The friendship sounds a bit one sided.

Honestly, you sound like a great friend, her, not so much. Decline the invitation and match her energy regarding your friendship.

Wow that’s awful. She clearly doesn’t value you as a friend @lucylondon7878 - which is a shame as it sounds as though you make a lot of effort to keep in touch. I don’t even see close friends who live 3 miles away consistently every 8 weeks!!

So you speak regularly in between visits? WhatsApp groups etc?

RSVP now without thinking any more about it.

And make less effort to see her - this will give you an indication on whether the friendship will survive this. If she wants to see you, she will reach out to you and make an effort. If she doesn’t, it tells you everything you need to know.

I would think about 4 hrs.

I agree with everyone saying graciously decline @lucylondon7878.
Plan to do something nice instead on that day.
There are so many others who will appreciate your friendship …. and great things to do in London instead when you next visit xx

I'm really sorry to hear about this OP. It is so disappointing when people's behaviour makes you realise that they don't value your friendship as highly as you do.
For what it's worth, I would decline the evening only invite but not drop the friendship. Going forward, I would meet up when I wanted to, rather than putting myself out to travel to her every 8 weeks. I would just massively scale back the effort.

How long is a 2000 mile flight out of interest?

I think this is true, you seem to have invested a lot into the friendship, and have definitely gone above and beyond.
Perhaps it's time to pull back from this. She doesn't want you at her wedding, even though you've indicated that you'd like to go.

Yes, I agree with this. Just send a card with regrets.

Form what it's worth good on you for trying with this friendship. Most people don't bother and look at what that's doing for rates of loneliness and isolation.

She's sent you an evening invite because she feels she has to. Sorry @lucylondon7878 this sounds as though you valued her friendship, and certainly put in more effort, than she did.
I had a similar school friend, happy to come to lunch if I was near where she lived, never suggested meeting halfway etc. She did come to me for my wedding, but moaned about the long journey to get there! Once I stopped doing all the running, I realised how one-sided the friendship had become. Like you, it took a major life event to realise.
Gracefully decline, maybe send a wee gift if you feel the need, and think nothing more of it. Next time you are over, suggest a celebratory lunch in London instead of you going to her. I would cut down on the running around you do to keep this friendship alive, and if it naturally fizzles out, so be it.

I think time has moved on. It's fair enough for her not to want to do 3 hour round trips every 8 weeks, she sees you regularly, she might make more effort if she hasn't seen you for a whole year. I'm sure she likes you well enough, but she has her own life and you have yours. Decline gracefully and carry on the catch-ups if you enjoy them enough to keep making the effort. Reduce the frequency if you don't.

Send a polite decline and then dump her. She is not your friend. That's a really shoddy way to treat you. I'm someone who would never accept an evening invitation anyway. The couple I've been to have always made me feel very much a 2nd class guest. One wedding, we got there for 7pm as per the invite and they were running late so we were asked to wait outside until the speeches had finished!

I would send a polite message that unfortunately you are unable to attend (don't need to give a reason if you don't want to) but send your best wishes.

Then start the slow fade. Don't suggest any more get togethers that you have to travel to ... if she mentions getting together you can say you would like that but can she come to meet you next time you're in the UK.

It would be ridiculous to undertake this journey for a few hours in the evening. Your friend is obviously not bothered if you turn up or not.

You sound like a really good friend, and she sounds awful and selfish. There are so many other people who would appreciate your friendship.

Is there any chance it’s a mistake?

I don’t think she’s considered your travel. I would decline and let what’s barely left of the friendship fade.

please tell me you will be refusing the invite?

You do seem to be more invested in the friendship than she is tbh. You ravel 2000 miles to the UK for work and every time you factor in another 90 minutes journey each way to meet her????? What effort has she been putting up during all this?

And now, she is getting married and invites you to the evening party only?? That is one ‘fuck-off’ slap in the face OP!! She doesn’t value your friendship, she doesn’t appreciate your effort and dedication and in your position I would certainly not be going to the wedding nor would I be extending my future travelling plans to see her.

It is clear that she is not so invested in your friendship to want you there for the full day, time to call time on this one OP!

Sounds like this was a just in case it coincides with your travel invitation.