Evening only wedding invite

Goodness. You obviously make a massive amount of effort to see this person. Given that, an evening only invitation when you like 2000 miles away is a real slap in the face.

Yeah, people always come out with this predictable line, (why do people get soooo offended by evening invites for weddings?) until they get an 'evening only' invite! 🙄

Op I'd decline the invite as they say on here its an invite not a summons.

I'd also suggest the next time you are in London she comes to have dinner with you, or you meet half way.

Sounds like she's totally taking you for granted. And needs to step up of she wants the friendship to continue

Go if you want. Don't go of you don't want.

I've always said weddings were mainly an excuse for people to seek offence.

I think she's used to seeing you pop in an out of the country on the regular as you describe. She probably hasn't thought about the distance too much.

It does seem a bit of a fob off, given the effort you have made over the years. Other posters saying "it's not that deep" and "get a grip" might be right and you/we are reading too much into it.

But you say yourself the penny has dropped...and that's a gut instinct thing, no one can comment on it and tell you that you're right or wrong. That's something only you can decipher.

It’s shit, OP. Losing a friend you love always is. I dropped the rope on a couple of college friends (after 40 years) after realising I was the one making all the arrangements to see them every few months and I haven’t heard from them since. Yes, their children were a bit younger and yes, we all have busy lives but it’s now been seven years and nothing. I will always like them and remember them but realise now they didn’t need my friendship. I hope it doesn’t upset you too much.

I wouldn't travel more than 25 miles for an evening-only invite, but I wouldn't therefore end the friendship. She's not one of your closest friends and you aren't one of her closest. You're never going to be amazingly close but that's ok. Keep the friendship at that level.

Because given the unbelievably effort the OP has gone to over many years for someone who patently isn’t bothered about her… would indicate the OP is rather lonely

I would decline but no I would not make the assumptions you are about the details, i wont go to evening own but I have no further thoughts that politely declining and wont question their reasons

Sorry OP, but definitely do not make it.
I wouldn't be travelling again either.
That would feel like a real slap in the face.
Every 8 weeks is very regular in my opinion for an adult friendship.

Why are either of those things relevant?

@lucylondon7878 Bit rude of her, but surely the fact that you live 2000 miles away is a good enough reason to not go to the wedding full stop? (Even if you do visit the UK every 8 weeks!) The fact you live this distance away, and she has only invited you to the evening do is actually almost funny. (Sorry.) yeah, don't go! Don't worry about offending her, she clearly has no qualms about offending you.

I think the OP has explained why. She's been travelling long distances and making an effort to maintain a friendship.

MN is seriously bonkers. They’re obsessed with getting the hump for ‘just’ and evening invite. Like you’re so put out that it’s ‘only’ the evening do 🤣 MN are never just happy with an invite and make sure a fuss around weddings and feel so hard done by if it’s just the evening 🥴🙄
in the real world no one takes things so personally! It’s actually insane.
MN read way too much into this.
get a grip

Why do people get so offended by evening invites? Just don’t bloody go. It’s not that deep.

Wow - that’s some commitment on your part. My absolute bff lives a few hundred miles apart and I only see her a few times a year. Normally I’d say decline for such a distance but your circumstances are unique. If other friends have been invited for the whole thing I am not surprised you are hurt.

Could it possibly just be an oversight? 🤔
Ask her did she mean to just invite you to the evening... At least then you'll know, and can take informed action rather than just guessing 🤔

It’s really sad - and hurtful - to discover you have valued a friendship more than the other party but have been here recently myself. I would, personally, decline and probably stop the return trips to see her and refocus on other friends the next time you are in the UK, ones who match your energy and commitment.

I have to say, you sound like a lovely, loyal friend. One I’d love to have in my circle. This is a Her thing, not a You one.

Well......someone the bride sees every 8 weeks and who she has known since school, would for me, be a friend who would be invited to the actual wedding.

All the remainder of the friendship group have been invited to the actual wedding

So .....perhaps the bride is not awful and selfish but simply a two faced bitch?

If the timings work and you are in the country at the time of the wedding then you could still go. Then after that decide if you’re are happy with the friendship being one sided effort wise.

This, don't tie yourself up knots thinking she doesn't "like you enough ".

Bizarre behaviour from your ‘friend’ - I would be hurt too. You have obviously done all the running in this relationship, it’s time to stop.
You can’t be expected travel 2000 miles for an evening do - ridiculous and hurtful.
I would decline the invite with no explanation at all - brief and to the point. I wouldn’t send a card or present either.
The penny has dropped and you need to let this friendship go - just don’t get nostalgic about it all.
I’ve let a couple of very long friendships go recently as they weren’t working - I’d kept them going for nostalgic reasons only.

The fact that she obviously doesn’t regard the OP as a close friend doesn’t mean she’s awful or selfish.

I did laugh at "pumpkin" though! Probably just a typo, but a funny one!

Yes, no sycophantic lengthy explanation. Just decline.