Evening only wedding invite

I wouldn’t fly over at my own expense for an evening only wedding invitation when I was fully expecting a full day one and possibly to share in some pre wedding fun by making a weekend of it. She makes no effort to see you. I think the polite decline with an invitation to celebrate in London next time you’re over. If she says she’s not free to come to London on those dates then I would stop getting in touch and move on.

Another one what?

Another one. 🙄 Just so unneccessary.

Yes exactly for local people.

The invitation shows thoughtlessness and poor manners, even through not a ‘summons’

This was to @Nestingbirds but the quote was lost with the over sensitive fecking swipe function

These are very different circumstances

The rest of the group who live in the UK and who are similarly close, got the full invitation

The OP hasn't really even had a token one. It's a slap in the face

She said the rest of the group (who are no closer) had the full invitation

No I’d send a card saying, sorry I can’t make it but have a fabulous time.

Then I’d move on with my life in the knowledge that I’m not the main character in everyone’s life and that an evening invitation isn’t akin to being invited to sweep up after everyone at the end of the night.

I think the fact you make the effort to visit her every 8 weeks is relevant to your OP as well as the distance.

Agree about taking this as a sign she doesn’t value the friendship as much as you do; so sorry OP, as least you won’t waste any more time on her.

I think this would be the best approach, especially since there are also other mutual friends in this scenario. If there is a fallout or you show anger towards the bride, people will feel like they'll have to choose between the two of you.

I would politely decline and do a slow fade. If friends ask, just say that you have drifted apart, which is true.

Given you explicitly told her you could attend, I think, especially as you regularly make the effort to travel even further to see her, that she’s having a laugh. However, from her pov, she has probably forgotten what you said and has prioritised physically closer friends. I definitely wouldn’t go and I’m not sure she considers you ‘close’ any more.

Not a nice feeling OP,hope you are ok.

Send the message from @Itwasallyellow2 with the suggestion of meeting in London,see if she makes any effort for you.

This. ^ There are several really spiteful posts on this thread (aimed at the OP.) Mainly based around 'you don't sound like you've got many friends OP,' and 'are you very lonely?' Really rude!

So you would go to this effort every 8 weeks for a friend, and be content with an evening invite? After decades long friendship - if so, you are a bit of a mug.

It’s not about over thinking or under thinking - but simply looking at the facts.

She does not value the friendship, and given your investment in time, effort and expense I think this certainly warrants a very honest chat.

I would be pulling back on this friendship and telling her why. It’s really hurtful op.

This, don’t overthink it

Agree. Not delivered with good intentions.

Snidey response.

Very true!

And as per pp I would decline very politely but still make it clear that the reason is because it’s a long journey to only be there for part of the event. i.e. make it clear you would have come had you received a proper invite!

And don’t do anything dramatic like block her or make a scene, just don’t put yourself out in future and see how things develop with the friendship.

If you’re absolutely sure that other friends are invited to the whole day, and not just those in the wedding party and family, then yes it’s pretty unkind of her to invite you to evening only when you’ve gone to such lengths to keep in touch. Where I’m from “evening only”
invites aren’t a thing so I’ve always found them rude full stop!

It seems the friendship is very one sided. You make all the effort and get little in return. But it does not have to be no longer friends because of this. However, you could take a step back and see if she makes any effort with you....let the friendship take its natural course. Decline politely. I would just be honest, saying you would have loved to be there, but travelling all that way cannot be justified just for part of a wedding. If you would rather not say, just decline politely and remain cordial....but don't go putting all that effort to see her, unless she actually travels to London to see you. Is there a reason why she does not make the train ride to see you? Young kids perhaps? Then I can understand. But if there is no real excuse it is not acceptable.

I selected YABU as I’m not against evening invites per se, however I misread 2000 as 200! So on the basis of distance, I’d decline. From what you’ve said & the effort you put into maintaining the friendship as compared to your friend, I’d let it go now. She has made it clear that she doesn’t view the friendship to the same level as you do. Sorry Op as that’s a horrible feeling.

Why are you being such an arsehole? Are you always like this?