Evening only wedding invite

Normally I'm thrilled with an evening invite - don't have to waste a whole Saturday and don't have to pay as much for a present! But 2000k miles makes it a bit different.
I’d be refusing unless it meshes with a work visit, in which case I’d go and eat and drink as much hog roast and bubbly as I could and then never calling her again! Friendships need at least a bit of give and take, and it seems you've been doing 100% of the effort for some time.

Op something like this happened to me once. An old friend that I considered a good friend and who I had invited to the full day at my wedding, just invited dh and me to the evening do of hers. I was surprised to say the least especially as she had tapped me up for the details of my photographer for her own wedding and others in our group at school were all invited to the day. I put it down to one of those slightly embarrassing situations where I had clearly mistaken our friendship for more than it was. So I dialled back on the expectations of her, it was a hard and quite painful lesson.

If I was in the area then I’d go.

There’s no way I’d travel 2000miles just to go.

If you’re in London for work then it’s up to you if you want to do the 3 hour round trip.

The fact that she doesn’t bother coming to see you would make me not want to do it.

Here is what I would do:
If you’re not in the UK on that date - definitely don’t go.
If you’re in the UK then I would make the journey to go to the evening do.

Right now you are upset that you haven’t been invited to the whole day.
So I would be careful making permanent decisions based on temporary emotions.
Instead, go to the evening do (if in the UK anyway) and then decide whether you want to continue with this friendship or not.

Surprised you're even considering going. Just thank her for invitation but say it isn't worth travelling all that way for just evening. However you have to be prepared for her then to upgrade you to full wedding if you take that approach. You're not missing much. Evening functions are dull if you haven't been to the full thing.

You live 2000 miles away overseas. You travel every couple of months for work, but on those work trips you travel an extra 1.5 hours - each way - to see this friend. You told her in advance you would be able to come to the wedding. And she still hasn’t invited you to actually see her get married? She doesn’t value the friendship in the same way you do!
I would decline the evening invitation and I’d reconsider how much effort I put into the friendship.

She’s not expecting to be invited to ‘everyone’s’ full wedding - just this one friend who she thought was a close friend. She’s finding out the hard way that the bride to be doesn’t consider her so.

Edited due to drip feeding!

Sorry OP you clearly do see your friend often enough, however, perhaps they are concerned that something would happen with travel rendering you unable to attend.

I would perhaps explain to them the reasons why you are unable to attend. And I would make your efforts to see them infrequent now.

I could point you to many which demonstrate my point and those are the ones I’m responding to but this is a useful reminder that the initial post is the priority here and I’m engaging in debate which is distracting from that.

I wouldn't go, but I wouldn't end the friendship over it either.

This - but it will never happen. You sound like a great friend OP. Once a penny like this drops, it's time to drop the friendship.
Concentrate on the friends who appreciate you.

She’s not offended, she’s upset and disappointed.
Most of us are not acting like it’s a terrible insult, we are offering sympathy and solidarity.
I would suggest reading the room but I fear you cannot, as already demonstrated.

@thepariscrimefiles @Zov @LittleMonks11

I’ve explained in more detail above.

Its not intended to be unpleasant at all, and the response is more general to all these posters on here (and every thread) who act like an evening invitation is a terrible insult).

OP I suspect, due to the distance and fact that your visits are on your company’s schedule, your friend wanted you to to feel included but not obliged to travel such a long way at cost to yourself.

Weddings really do bring injustices to the surface.

It's not on that the friendship is so one sided but at least now it's been brought to light you can scale back your interaction with this friend.

How do you get on when you do meet up? Is it all about nostalgia? Do you laugh together? Do you think she genuinely enjoys your company when you meet up?
I'm not having a go. I've been waiting for a friend to contact me when she's available for coffee and it turns out she's never available, even though her kids have left home and she doesn't work!

Which bit? Main character?

Not unpleasant, honest. All these people on here acting like it’s a terrible insult to be given an evening invitation. It’s not, it’s pragmatic because we don’t have the same relationship with everyone and for some B&G there is a practical impact, for others they just want an intimate ceremony, for others there might be other reasons.

Expecting to be invited to everyone’s full day and getting offended if not means you’ve forgotten that. You’ve placed your own sense of who you are ahead of everyone else’s, particularly the B&G.

Or was it something else?

She's not the only one though. OP said that some from that group were invited to the whole day, some weren't.

I doubt OP is being singled out. But I appreciate its rubbish finding out that someone values a friendship differently than you.

When you meet up do you visit her house or socialise elesewhere? Who pays the bill?
Turn down the invitation with no explanation. No wedding present either.

So do you know her husband and are you friends beyond the odd dinner every few months?

If you aren't emotionally close or spending extensive amounts of time together, an evening invite seems fine?

They’re likely the same posters on the school gates threads that say other women are never mean.

Gosh, OP, having read all your posts I'm shocked at her behaviour. She hasn't travelled 90 minutes on the train to meet you and have a day or evening out in London with you in years? Unless there are strong reasons why you always have to go to meet at hers (children, aged parents, pets that can't be left) then it does sound as if this is a friendship you value but she doesn't. Poor you.

It sounds as if there's nothing to be lost, so I'd respond to her with something along the lines of 'I was terribly disappointed to receive only an evening invitation. For me the marriage ceremony is the main event, not the after-party. 2000 miles is a very long way to travel to spend an evening so I'm going to have to decline. I wish you all the best for the future.'

This. ^ No need for such mean spirited comments at all, aimed at a woman who is already upset and hurting.

Yeah, this. Thanks @LittleMonks11

Another one trying to make OP seem unreasonable for being a bit upset at being the only one in that friendship group not to be invited to the actual wedding and reception, despite making tons of effort herself to maintain the friendship. You are implying that OP is self-centred, self absorbed and dramatic when there is no evidence of this at all.

She's not 'sending you a message' with a wedding invite, she just doesn't hold the friendship is as high regard as you do.

Unpleasant comment