My child having no father is going to affect him?

Exactly women like to tell themselves that they are enough and all their child needs but actually it's not true.

Children know it takes a mum and a dad to have a baby, and they wonder where their dad is even if they don't ask.

My mum would have liked to have told herself that we were better off, not knowing and without a dad around, but it's just not true.

I am not in the same situation as my kids dad is involved.

However I have been a single mum for nearly 5 years now and the best advice I can give you is: build your own village. This takes time and effort. I returned from holiday yesterday and picked up a delivery from my neighbours today. I was shattered and didn’t really feel like making conversation but I made the effort because it goes a long way. I have mum friends I can call on in emergencies and neighbours also because I have put the effort in to talk to people at the school gates, help people in the school parent WhatsApp groups, feed my neighbour’s cat when they go away, chat to my kids’ friend’s parents, help at PTA events, volunteer at the odd beavers evening, go to the school drinks when I can, helped run the village toddler group for 2 years before my youngest started school. Yes it’s more difficult to do when you’re on your own but IF you can make time for these things it’s invaluable. You never know what friendships you might form and what connections you might make. I also work nearly full time and make connections that way.

Right
so how does this happen? How many new friends have you made as a lone parents? How many hours do you give to other families? Where did you find these other families to help? How do you manage to work and have a child and do your chores’

To answer your question from a personal perspective, when my DC was at nursery, the nursery parents set up a whatsapp group and would often head to the nearby playground for half an hour after pickup and chat while the kids played. So we met quite a few local parents through that, and had a way of contacting each other if anyone needed help with anything, e.g. was running 15 minutes late for pick-up and so wanted another parent to sign their kid out so they wouldn't be fined, that sort of thing. Similar with school.

We could definitely use something like that here. Sounds excellent.

This is a very good point. The fact that you want to make his life better than how you perceive yours to be shows you are a good mum. But you need to take him to local groups, the park etc and not just lurk in a corner but chat a bit. It's hard, but it will come. Practice makes perfect. It was a good suggestion by a pp to take bubbles and a ball to the park. Kids love that and will come over. It's a start.

I know a couple of kids without kids and honestly, yes, it is affecting them.

But I also know lots of kids with shit dads and they are also suffering.

I know kids with decent enough dads but they are living in poverty.

There are just so many variables and very few people will tick all the boxes in regards to giving a kid a good life.

Try not to focus on what you don’t have, and just do the best you can with what you’ve got.

The fact you are even worried about it and concerned about your son having the best start possible already shows that you are a good mum. Lots of kids don’t have good mums.

My impression of it is that it's a very good program. My best friend was also a big sister for a junior high school age girl when she was in college, and they are still in touch to this day. So just from my anecdotal experience I think it's a good program.

Your child doesn't need a perfect start in life. He needs to be loved and have his needs met.

But you can make things easier for him by teaching him how to make friends and be sociable. Part of this is confidence - if you reiterate to him everyday that he's wonderful, that you love him, that your life with him is great and that the two of you can take on the world, he'll believe this.

The other part is practice. Organise a full life for him with lots of interaction with others - age-appropriate activities, lots of playground time, hanging out at the library if you have one locally, playdates with friends when he starts school (even if they're at the park because you don't want to have people round).

If you want a way to start, take him to playgrounds regularly (2-3 times a week at least) along with some bubbles and a ball. There is no better way imo to teach kids how to make friends easily than to hang out in playgrounds and gently guide and support their interactions with other children.

I know this sounds hard: but you're making a lot of excuses why you can't fix anything and feel your son is in a hopeless set of circumstances. But if you feel that way and aren't driven to change at least something - then what happened between finding out you were pregnant and now ? Did you feel this way when you first found out you were pregnant? If so I don't understand why you had a baby and then suddenly decided everything looked bleak for him?

So your kid could maybe play with his cousins occasionally. You could have them over to give your brother and his partner a break, I'm sure they'd go for that.

Of course it will affect him. Everything about our families affects us.

The no friends thing is one you can change and I really think you need to try. A single mum, no involved relatives and no friends sounds potentially precarious. How old is he? What happens if you get seriously ill or something? Do you work and if so do you get on with colleagues? Have you ever had friends? You need to prioritise building a community, the fabled village. Invest in people and create some friendships which will benefit both of you.

I'm not sure there is anything like that in the UK but it sounds really good.

If the OP is concerned re role models etc ,she will have to put some work in to expand her circle, her son will make friends as he goes along, I'm sure.

Op, do any neighbours have similar aged kids and do you see them? It feels like you've decided you can't make friends and that's it, but it doesn't have to be like that.

I think it's important for a child to have a male role model. But it doesn't have to be a father. Ideally it is but there are circumstances where that's just not possible for whatever reason. It could be an uncle, a family friend, etc.

We have a program here in the US called Big Brothers/Big Sisters. I don't know if you have something similar? One of my co-workers is a big brother for a kid who just graduated from high school. They've been big brother/little brother since he was in elementary school. My coworker has been to his school plays, his basketball games and football games, He helped him with his college applications. He's been really valuable in the boy's life.

Yes he likely will always feel he’s missed out on a father. You can’t prevent that. However there’s also nothing you can do about it so there’s no point fretting.

Without sounding harsh friends don’t just drop in your lap . You need to make a bit of an effort . Can you join any baby groups or similar . You son will make friends at school . You could consider some hobbies to build your friendship circle. Be a positive role model for your son .

My SD ruined my childhood and caused me a lot of long-lasting mental health problems. I would have been perfectly happy if she had continued being a lone parent. That's not to say stay single, just be far more picky when it comes to inviting another person into your lives.