My child having no father is going to affect him?

Getting married was my solution. I hated being a single parent and wanted my child to have a father. And he’s the kindest and best of men and a wonderful father, so I’m glad I did.

You cant know how it will effect him.
My dh didnt have a dad . He left when his mum was pregnant and he had a great childhood. Very happy . Really close to his mum.
Until she remarried when he was 10 and his step dad was horrible. Very strick . Didn't have any kids himself but took it upon himself to constantly teach my dh lessons often using violence. And my dh was and always has been a lovely quiet person. Never in trouble at school.
He just disliked sharing his new wife with anyone. So eventually he left home at 17.

I'm a lone parent in the north west, living away from my family, no contact with ex, and didn't have friends when I moved here.
Things I did:
Joined local (street) WhatsApp group and put a message out saying if anyone has similar aged kids let's meet up, persevered until 2 separate families said yes, then asked again and again to meet up, we're now friends.
Joined local single parents group and went along to meet ups, made one good friend that way.
Joined bumble bff and made a friend through there.
Joined meet up groups and went to several events until I'd made a friend there.
The key is to put yourself out there and basically hound other lonely people until they become your friends!
If you don't have childcare, do you have nursery staff you can ask for out of hours babysitting?
If you have neighbours, do they have teens you can pay for a couple of hours?

I've now been in my area for 5 years and we have a circle of friends that my kids and I can count on. I honestly never thought I'd have that, and it is more valuable to us than a shit dad. We always have people around us and helping us out, and my kids are watching them and learning from my relationships with them.

Or just be selective on who you date. My mom
married and I am glad she did. He was an another exceptionally positive male role
model for my brothers and, selfishly, it means I don’t have to worry about my mother being lonely as an adult and have to spend extra time being her pseudocompanion as friends of mine have had to.

Where is the data that says children raised with a step-parent have the worse outcomes?

I think it depends on the child tbh. I know a fair few people who had an absent father and how it impacts them varies from not caring in the slightest to it greatly impacting their mental health.

I was raised in a dysfunctional family where my dad formed no attachment to any of his three children. He mostly ignored us. I’m not sure he’s ever asked me a question.

im convinced this was infinitely more damaging than if he hadn’t been around at all, which I would have preferred.

There are many ways for children to have less than optimum conditions in which to grow up, and many are worse than yours.

Try not to worry, but DO take great care with your choice of any future partner.

I missed how old your son is but that will change when he gets older and gets invited to birthday parties, starts school, and makes friends.

Having a good relationship with my neighbours has been fab for me! They feed our cats when we go on holiday, a few weeks ago dug up a dead bush in my front garden when I couldn’t, and take in deliveries for me. I wouldn’t ask them to babysit, but now my eldest is 10 and coming home from school on his own, I know I can tell him that he can always knock on their door in an emergency.

If you make the effort to build your own community now you will reap the rewards later. I’m not saying it’s always possible to have good relationships with neighbours, it’s just an example of how you can make connections which will benefit you long term.

You can’t magic up what you don’t have OP. All you can do is your very best to give you and your son as many opportunities in life as possible with what you do have.
When I moved to a new area and didn’t know anyone I put a message out on the areas Facebook page asking if there was anyone else in my situation, surprising how many responded! We met in public places to begin with and obviously some dropped out but I have made some very good friends from it.
As a single Mum you do need to put yourself out there, it’s hard but it’s worth it.

Habe you searched for existing facebook groups? There's a few "(area) parents" ones near me.
My son does see his dad, but he is an only child on both sides of the family with no cousins near his age so as much as I find making small talk exhausting, since starting school I've made sure to arrange playdates during the holidays and take him to the park after school a couple of days a week where there are always some of his classmates. Before school age, his time at daycare or whatever he goes is all play based anyway so he'll make friends if/when he is the age to do so.

No father is better than a bad father, and it sounds like your child is better off without this man in their life.

I will be honest, I suffered from not having a father, still makes me sad to this day

No

Children need strong mothers who love them. They need a safe home, enough money and food and water.

And a good community. If you're in a shit, criminal area, i'd move, but otherwise, you are what he needs. If you can do that, he will be absolutely fine imo x

By making it a priority. I found a toddler gym that was open on saturdays and we went most Saturday mornings when DD was 2-3. We didn't make close friends but it was fun and social. I prioritised catching up about once a month with people from our mother and baby group (similar to NCT in the UK).

There will be playgroups to join and single mother groups as well. You are being defeatist by assuming your son won't have friends. Give him a chance.

Rugby can be great for a strong sense of community when he's a bit bigger. There's no tackling for little ones - just a lot of charging around!
You could also look at church as a way to make friends of different ages. Cafe Church is more informal eg https://www.achurchnearyou.com/church/19732/ but many ordinary churches will offer new connections and theres no need to book - you just turn up.

Also the toddler version of Scouts when they are 4 is likely to be an evening group?

About toddler groups... The main one round here at the weekend is football so have a look for toddler football, then your local kids football club when your child is a bit older. Huge sense of community with them. Or rugby maybe if son isn't into football.

My dd is now a teenager and her father hasn’t been in her life since she was a baby (definitely for the best as it would be very damaging for her if he was).

Honestly, she’s fine and feels loved and over the years she has gathered some key people in her life. There’s me, my ex (not her dad) who I was with for a few years when she was younger and he has stayed in her life as a father figure, they do loads of stuff together. Also my current partner of 5 years who she really likes and gets on really well with. One very close friend who is like a sister to her, they’ve been friends for 10 years since they were really young, and also that friend’s DM who is like a second mum to her. As well as my DM, her granny, who she loves a lot.

whilst children obviously do pick up on some habits from us, they aren’t us.. just because it is something you struggle with he likely will not as you are socialising him at nursery, playgroups, school, playgrounds with other children etc - he will naturally start to play with others and make friends as long as you don’t restrict his access to this stuff due to your own anxieties.

you can support friendships when he’s old enough by having play dates etc and tbh being a mum you do have to put yourself out there for your child- speaking to other mums at the school gate, arranging said play dates, attending kids parties and school fairs etc… you may find yourself some new friends as well in time!!

If he is the shy type then maybe that’s just him, and he will be happy being whoever he is I.e making friends when ready or being happy on his own some of the time.

I grew up in a 2 parent middle class income household but was seriously neglected and had no parental guidance and suffered my mums alcoholism until I couldn't take it any more and was living on the streets at 17, developed a drug problem and was then pregnant at 18.

The second I found out I was pregnant I never touched a drug again worked to set up a home for my child and then 2 years later had my second. Unfortunately at this point my children's father went back to drugs and I decided to go it alone and went No Contact with him. He passed away a few years later of a heroin overdose.

No family input either side. Due to lack of qualifications could only get minimum wage work and financially struggled but I made the sacrifices to ensure my children always came first. Due to this I also never entered another relationship.

My eldest is now at uni and my youngest has completed his college course and is preparing to set up his own business.

The number of people in your children's lives does not matter it's the quality of people in their life.

Little Kickers operates in your area and on a weekend. I’m sure there are plenty of other activities too.

If you want to connect with people at nursery, you could invite children your child likes for a play date on a weekend - ask staff to pass on a note to parents if needed. The parent will stay, and you’ll have a chance to get to know them.

Re WhatsApp group - you can start one, print a couple of signs with the qr code and ask nursery to put them on the noticeboard?

So what’s the solution? Op cannot force her useless ex to be an interested father.

She has to build a community and provide good emotional support to her child and encourage him to make friends, join group group activities.

How old are you op? You sound very young.

How can you not understand concept of community?

My father was alcoholic and useless. My mother is not very world-wise and can’t hold a proper conversation. As a result, my parents didn’t maintain relationships with their siblings and cousins and I grew up not having a relationship with my relatives and cousins. It was alright but now in my 40s I wish my parents had maintained relationships with their siblings and extended family.
I guess what you can do now is to encourage your child to be friends and engage in activities he can enjoy with other kids. Also, if he has interest in team sports, like football, he can make strong friendships.

In the vast majority of cases having a lone parent is much, much better for children than imposing a step parent on the child: the outcome are far more negative for children with step parents, and even worse if there is a blended family/ subsequent children with the step parent.

Focus on providing the best life that you can for your son and ensuring he has a stable, loving, secure home. Expand your social circle. With a small child there are lots of ways for you to meet people. If you do decide to date again at some point then keep your romantic life separate to your son and your home: don’t move in with a man who isn’t related to your child.

You can give your son a very good life if you prioritise him.