To feel a bit miffed - marriage.

As the owner of higher value assets and a higher income I wouldn’t be pushing him for marriage if he isn’t up for it.

No such thing as your share being protected in a divorce

And I wouldn’t tell him that perhaps your Dd would like you to walk down the aisle with her as she will probably ‘not believe in’ sexist traditions.

The fucking cheek and hypocrisy of him!

Finding this hard to believe. The average dad doesn't relish the idea of his kids getting married, IME. And this is an anti-marriage dad.

I don't think he's a hypocrite for thinking that she might get married one day. Lots of people do get married. And it can be a smart choice because there are a lot of legal protections afforded to you in marriage that are difficult to replicate in any other way.

He doesn't want to marry you. If you have to nag him into it, do you really want to marry him??

This is the type of man who will stay with you until a) you throw him out or b) he finds someone he actually wants to marry.

And I say that as a woman who spent 20yrs with someone saying i didn't want marriage. When deep down I knew I didn't want marriage with HIM. I was just scared of being on my own. I'm not proud of it. But in all honesty, he really didn't want to marry me either. We both wasted each other's time.

YABU. You knew he didn't ever want to get married, he's been very clear on that, and you chose to have a child with him anyway. That's fine, it's your choice.

But why is it hypocritical for your partner to acknowledge that some day his child may want to get married? It's just a fact, isn't it? One day she might. She also might not.

He’s not a hypocrite he said he doesn't want to be married. And he isn’t
You've not been misled or lied to.You proceeded to cohabitate and have child with a marriage averse man

Have you said: I’ve been thinking about what you said about dd believes in marriage. Why do you think her partner will care? I believe in marriage. Are you expecting she finds a better partner than her dad is?

Maybe change her surname by deed poll at age 18 to the OP’s surname…

(adding to your list)

Of course she has his name - they always do.

I bet it is nicer than yours too. It always is.

Still, maybe dd will overcome the conditioning she is getting and actually marry and not change her name. Or walk down the aisle by herself. Or have her mother do it with her. Or both her parents.

I didn’t change my name when I married.
My surname is from my 6GGrandmother so it’s down the female line…so why would I want to trade it for another name?
My daughters (with husband) have my surname too.

I guess he wants his daughter to benefit from the legal protection of marriage, lest she ends up in a stupid situation where she’s making sacrifices for a man who won’t afford her that.

Well if you replied to him saying "but she might fall for someone who doesn't believe in marriage - like I did and then you won't be walking her anywhere" I wonder what he'd have said.

I must admit I'd also have said "dd maybe mummy will be walking you down the aisle someday"

Does your DD have your partners surname or yours?

I know about 5 couples with children who are not married and all but 1 have their dads last name and not the the mum. One of the dads said matter of fact that he sees no reason to get married now he is already “carrying on the family name”

With respect, that doesn’t make sense as you know he doesn’t want to marry.
All he is doing is he isn’t pressuring his child to be a carbon copy of him.
He said “might” not “will”- so he obviously isn’t in the you should marry camp.

Oh I see - sorry that wasn't clear to me - I thought you were aiming at me! Apologies for misunderstanding. x

I think it was an extremely weird thing for him to say to your DD actually. In what context did he say it to her?
I agree for someone who has always been anti marriage why on earth would he say such a thing?

Point out to him that as her parents aren't married, it's unlikely DD will view marriage as something she needs to do. You are both setting the example for her. Your father once thought about walkind his DD down the aisle and look how that worked out.

Exactly!

it’s an antiquated idea now, let alone in 20-30 years time!!

No I came here to offer help and so asked a genuine question. But turns out you don't care about what you posted. No hypocrisy on my behalf - you however...

Why on earth would you have a child with a man who won’t commit to you? That’s crazy.

Marriage is not the same as a wedding. It doesn’t have to be expensive. That’s fine if the big wedding isn’t your thing. It wasn’t mine either and we got married in a 10-minute civil ceremony with no photographer, no flowers, no cake, no reception, no guests beyond two witnesses and we wore clothes we already owned. My husband even went back to work after the ceremony. We didn’t have a honeymoon either. We are no less married than anyone else.

But you’re only saying that you are not bothered because this thread isn’t going the way you thought it would.

I would have just said something along the lines of - even if she does believe in marriage she maybe won’t want you taking her down the aisle and ‘giving her away’ especially as you (he) doesn’t believe in marriage!