To feel a bit miffed - marriage.

Yes, that would piss me right off.

Yes. Women sometimes think "It's now or never." Men get trapped or just walk away. There are lots of ways it happens, and it does happen. A lot more than we realize.

you said it!☝

Yes - look at the number of absent fathers and men who check out before the child even arrives. Loads of kids were simply accidents.

Former colleague of mine has a partner who had been married and divorced and he had 2 girls
He was vehemently anti marriage
She accepted this
He then spent most of their savings on his 2 dds weddings

That would have been an excellent response!

Do they?

People have kids with people they don’t want to be with every single day.

I do and don’t see why you are miffed.
For him to already be speaking to your daughter about walking her down the aisle shows marriage does mean something to him.
He just does not view you as worth it.

But he told you who he was and you stayed and had a child with him so…shrugs.

My DP doesn’t believe in marriage (unless you have kids - and we don’t have children.). However, we have just got a civil partnership so that we have the same protections pretty much as marriage, and avoid inheritance tax. As we get older, we think about these things more!

I bet your daughter has got HIS surname eh @Maybeitsmable ?

He would have made sure of that I'll bet!

Wouldn't it be funny though, if, as a pp said, she is anti marriage too, and he never sees her married?!

Sad that he is showing yours (and his) daughter that her mother is not good enough to marry.

I really don't understand why women have children with a man who can't be arsed to put a ring on it! Zero financial protection, or security. And no right to anything of his, including his pension. Yet you are giving him children, and having your life, your body, your career, and your finances affected.... Why do women still do this?

You should ask him would he be paying for her wedding if she believed? It sounds as though you’re better off not tying your finances together tbh. I would stay as you are but maybe discuss power of attorney and wills etc these are important at any age.

Good for you sticking up for yourself. Seriously I think that some people just love being mean.

He wanted kids but not a wife.

I'd seriously question if he wanted kids either.

If he really wanted kids the OP could have said "We're not having kids until we're married.". The fact that didn't happen makes me think he wasn't keen on kids either.

He wanted kids but not a wife. Unfortunately it's a common thing amongst some men, they want you to look after them, have kids but not give you the security of marriage.

Let's call a spade a spade, here.
He wants his daughter to fully commit to a spouse as (through his words) he sees it as the right relationship-related thing to aspire to.
But he doesn't extend that aspiration to you, the mother of his child.
I'm sorry but it is what it is.

It wasn't me that made that comment.

However, I do think that, very often, if a man doesn't want to marry a particular woman, or vice versa, then it does mean that one simply doesn't value the other one enough to actually want to marry them. Cohabitation is generally seen as a less permanent state, and break ups of cohabiting couples with children occur at a much higher percentage than married couples with children.

Half of all children now being born outside marriage is due to a myriad of reasons. For example, demographics is one, the social acceptance of having a child outside marriage or being a child born outside marriage is a huge factor, as is the lack of stigma of being a single mother. Within certain demographics it's acceptable for men to have several children with various women, without being married to any of them.

No her mum wants marriage, she didn’t mention being given away like a chattel,

This man sounds very odd to assume something so backward

So you agree with me that is nothing to do with whether one of the couple is or is not into the other.

Whether people choose to marry or not before having children, or whether they marry at all very much depends on demographics. As I've said earlier on this thread, my son and all his professional high-earning group of friends have all married, none have had children prior to marriage. They all live in affluent areas. I imagine in other areas, with different types of people, there would be many more children born outside marriage and fewer people marrying.

My response would be "well the saying goes that daughters marry men like their fathers, so if that's the case, you'll be long gone by the time she gets married"
Yesterday my 4yo DD came up to me and asked if me and daddy were married, when I said no she went up to DP and asked him why does he not want to marry me and does he actually love me. I had a little chuckle

🙄 Half the children in the country are born to unmarried couples. Does that mean one of the parents is “just not that into” the other? It’s more unusual to be married.

It is very hypocritical. His answer is a copout and evasive - your daughter is far too young to have any informed opinion on it so why is he pushing it if he doesn't believe in it? I would point out that the daughter may not like the fact that her parents are not married if she grows up seeing friends and family married or gets invited to weddings - kids can be very conservative. I would feel snubbed by it. What is so wrong with having a party and a ring? If it's good enough for his daughter and he wants to walk her down the aisle than it should be good enough for his partner.

Don't get married for the 'sentiment' reasons if you are the higher earner with a bigger share in the property.
That would be extremely foolish.

However, do get you legal papers in order: wills, power of attorney, etc. and do think about the implications for pensions and tax.

I recently attended the wedding of some friends of DH, who had been living together for over 35 years. The whispers among the guests were that of course after all this time it was only for the pension and tax reasons. It was quite embarrassing. In their shoes, I would have had a quick trip to the relevant office for a tiny civil marriage or civil partnership, and kept quiet about it.

Some people don't like the historical baggage of the idea of 'marriage'. It has religious connotations (even civil ceremonies), and was inextricably linked to ideas of women as property and/or women not having rights.

Civil partnerships were invented initially to give gay people the same legal protections as married people, back when the religious lobby refused to concede the concept of marriage as between a man and a woman.
Then gay (civil) marriage was allowed, and subsequently civil partnerships for male & female couples, just to make everything fair all round.
So now everyone has both options.

Legally, they are the same thing - a contract with various implications for things like tax, pensions, benefits, inheritance, etc.