AIBU to worry about how long I need to live to raise my kids

29 replies

HomeHouseHelp · 16/08/2025 22:38

I don’t know if this will make sense! I guess I am wondering if others feel the same way.

I’m 40 with a 10 month old and a toddler. I started ttc at 30 and ended up on a long fertility struggle where I got tunnel vision about having children regardless of the situation.

now at 40 with my two children and after lots of ivf and two high risk pregnancies I worry a lot about how long I need to live to raise them. Like when I am 60 they’ll only be early 20’s.

years and years to go where I need to not get cancer, stay healthy, be able to be there for them, not to spend time ill or infirm. It feels impossible and I feel so devastated to think I might not be there for them or that I might die young and leave them without a mother. My toddler in particular is so attached to me. Children need their mothers and I just feel so upset at the thoughts of them losing me.

This has not been helped by how for the past few weeks I’ve had new aching pain in one breast and pain in rib which I am now worried is breast cancer as it’s persisted throughout a full menstrual cycle.

I just want a normal boring life with my children and husband. Raising them, doing laundry, working etc. I don’t want anything fancy or anything ambitious. Just to be there for them and live my life alongside them.

does anyone else feel like this? It just feels so hopeless.

OP posts:

Blackbookofsmiles1 · 16/08/2025 22:48

You could have had a child at 22 and died at 30, many have. No one wants to leave their children, especially early, but you just don’t know when your time is up. Living to 90 is also not out the question…so you could be fine.

I think most parents think about when they will die and how it will affect their kids, will they be adults, will it be ok….and that’s fine to think.
However if it’s to the point where it’s becoming troubling to you, you should seek further help if it becomes obsessive.

OneFineDay22 · 16/08/2025 22:47

I don’t think you’re unreasonable for worrying when you have young DC. It’s one of the worries you get when you have DC imo. However, nobody knows how long they’ll get. Some people do die with young children. So I just try to have faith that my kids will be ok one way or another.

Get an appointment with the GP and hopefully that will put your mind at rest. Plenty of people live through breast cancer too, if that’s what it is. Try to just be in the moment.

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 16/08/2025 22:43

My mum was 40 when she had me. She died age 83 a couple of years ago. Plenty of people have their first child at 40. Try not to worry. There are risks at any age. Another relative died in her early 30s leaving behind 4 kids. There's little point worrying about these things as no one knows when their time is up. What matters is you have your beautiful children and you can enjoy and appreciate all the time you have with them.

cestlavielife · 16/08/2025 22:42

Ask gp to refer you for cbt counselling. Address these thoughts. You cannot predict the future. Try to live in the moment. You might live long healthy into your 90s. no one can say. But you want the moments you do have to be happy ones and not filled with anxiety .

Unflip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread