Husbands “jokes” about him retiring before I do

Have you not sat down and done financial planning of what your retirement will look like - have you checked that both your pensions will provide for the lifestyle you want in retirement?

Yep. If you want to make things worse, that should do it.

Time for a 'joke' back about he will be a house husband and you will be sure to buy him an apron.
Seriously though, you could take some advice about how to increase your payments and retire earlier.

@Oscarsmom71 I was in a similar situation. My DH is 4 years older than me and is set to retire at 60 at the end of next year. We have been planning for this for the past few years wrt savings, etc, and we saw a financial advisor. I was to carry on working till I’m 60 to see our DD through university. However, I was increasingly not enjoying my job and feeling resentful that I have to carry on for more years (I started work a few years than he did as he farted around for a few years with various courses after school). So we looked at our finances and saw that we could afford for us both to go together. The only way to know if you can afford it is to scrutinise your finances. I hope you find that you can go sooner than you think. And in the meantime, tell him to button it with his gloating.

"How nice dear, aren't you lucky that you met me and I was able to set us up with a lovely home whilst you were on your knees, crippled with debt... If it weren't for me you might have had to work until you were dead".

My dad used to do this. Tease and dig away at people who were still working when he'd retired.
Tapping his watch and telling people to get back to work to pay taxes for his pension and fuel allowance. Telling people that Tony Blair (it was a while back) was paying for his tea that night and asking who was paying for theirs.

It was really tiresome and thoughtless. I've no idea why he thought it was funny and he can't possibly have thought it was kind.

It's pretty poor of him to keep making these jokes when you've told him it bothers you.

But on the point of when you should each retire, I think it's perfectly fair that you both retire at exactly the same age. Which means he'll retire five years before you.

Are you sure this isn’t stemming from a little jealousy on your part about him retiring earlier than you?

If so, sort out a plan to retire early or at least plan a big trip or something when you do manage to finally retire to give you something to look forward to perhaps?

It will be annoying to work if he doesn’t have to, but he’s just a bit older so it’s the natural course. He will likely have a much less enjoyable retirement without you than he thinks he will!

But he will have worked longer than you when he retires. If he retires at 67 and you retire 5 years later at 67 you will have both worked the same number of years surely?

He is older than you, it is just fact. Is it because he will stop working and you will still be working full time? You could choose to reduce down your days if possible which is what a lot of people I know have done once they got past 55 and could draw down some money. If you reduce your days then of course this will affect your pension contributions going forward.

Maybe now is the time to sit with a financial advisor, specifically a pension planner and work out when you could both retire.

Have you really been harbouring resentment against him for 30 years, @Oscarsmom71?

What was the situation while you were prioritising your children? Did he not pull his weight financially over those years?

It just seems odd. You married a man five years older than you - it can’t be a surprise that he reaches pension age before you? And (without more) it doesn’t seem outrageous that he should be looking forward to it. (I agree the best thing might be to work out how best to retire at the same time as each other.)

Have the two of you just not been friends for however long?

You know you don’t have to wait until you are 67 to retire don’t you? And he doesn’t have to retire at 67.

Tell him you want to retire together and then do the numbers to make it happen. Overpay your pension, pay into an ISA or FSVC, overpay your mortgage. Cut your costs and work out how much you will really need to live on.

My DH is three years older than me and we retired together - no way was I going out to work whilst he sat at home. And he wouldn’t have wanted me to.

Tell him, straight-faced as if you mean it, that you sre seriously thinking about early retirement.

Then start thinking seriously about early retirement.

If nothing else, it will stem the jokes.

Just say yep I can’t wait until you retire, the you can do all the housework, cooking, shopping, washing and ironing, oh and the garden, so Yeo can’t wait as I will get a rest

These are not "jokes". They are smug, barbed comments.

Perhaps a "yes dear" approach while you plan how you will either (a) retire early or (b) take a spectacular career move abroad to run a library in Bora Bora while he sits on his own enjoying his retirement while you still work (in Bora Bora).