Husbands “jokes” about him retiring before I do

My response?
”I’m really looking forward to coming home from work to a clean house, laundry done and my dinner on the table” 🙂

Just one more common for those suggesting they joke about him dying first.
In any long relationship, the one that dies first is the lucky one. The one that out live to them has all the grief to deal with all the practicalities to deal with and is facing a future of possibly decades of loneliness as a widow. Maybe he should joke about that!

Sounds like you pick at each other.

Retire with him. I have accessed 2 pensions over the age of 55

It has been said.
It's dumb.... and vile.

Tell him you're looking forward to it too, it'll be nice to have someone to keep the house clean and put a meal on the table for when you get back from work.

Next time, tell him that you're really looking forward to turning all of the house stuff over to him since he'll be a home. You'll look forward to a cooked meal when getting in and you can't wait

Tbh he's getting cocky too early. He might find the rug pulled when they put the age up..

Do you actually want to see out your days with this prize specimen of manhood?

good the situation is resolved @Oscarsmom71

This.

My DH is 9 years older than me & retired whereas I still work & can't retire for another 5 years. He does 98% of cooking (makes me a packed lunch every day), all laundry (including ironing & putting away) & the majority of the housework.

Sounds like the two of you are on the same page now. That’s great. Wishing you a happy, healthy retirement together.

If this isn’t what you want, you need to make this clear to him.

I think you maybe feel some resentment because - while he’s 5 years older than you - he wasn’t 5 years ahead of you financially when you met. So you had to bear an unfair load at the start of your relationship and now he’s glorying because he thinks you’ll be doing this at the end?

There is no rule that people have to retire at state pension age - you can go earlier or later. If you’ve built up a better private pension due to saving when you were single, then you could retire early. He could work on a bit to improve his own private pension provision if it’s lower.

Id have a frank talk about your expectations so you’re both clear on the plan

This is the sort of thing my husband and I would tease each other about, but we’d both be finding it funny. You’re finding it upsetting so him continuing to do it is him deliberately upsetting you. Try have a proper discussion with him about it, and if he continues then I think you’re justified in getting cross with him.

I don’t think that’s already been said, I’d hope there’s not more than one person to make such a dumb comment

@Oscarsmom71

Sorry if this has been said already, (haven't read all the comments,) but just say 'yes dear, but you'll be dead long before me! Not only coz you're 5 years older, but because men die before their wives anyway!'

Agreed. I'm 7 years younger than DH, I fully anticipate that he will retire before me, why wouldn't he? He started work when I was still in school 😂

It's great if your joint plans work for you, of course - and it's nobody else's decision; but some couples have very big age gaps and still don't seem to think about what that will mean for their retirement.

It's by no means unheard of for there to be a 20 or even 30-year age gap in couples. If they expect to retire at the same time, does that mean the younger one gets to quit at 37, or that the older one has to keep working until 97?!

Obviously for most couples with age gaps, they're considerably smaller tham that; but I still don't think a lot of people always think through, when younger, about the practicalities of how it's going to play out when the time comes in later life. 30 and 40 might seem totally insignificant, but 60 and 70 maybe not so much.

My DH is 7 years older than me and could get his state pension at 65. I'm not able to get my state pension until I am 67, so officially he could have retired 9 years before me.

In fact, he retired at 67, working 2 years over his state pension age. I am retiring at 65, as I am unwell, so I will have retired 6 years after him. As I won't yet have my state pension things will be a bit tight until I do, but we have been saving for it and I have a workplace pension so it is doable.

It's sometimes to cover up feelings about being 'old' or not working. People have complicated feelings about retirement and leaving work.

Curious what the answer is then OP?

You want him to work until he drops until you’re old enough to retire, or you compromise your and his later life so you get to not work as long as he’ll have had to?

Statistically, you’ll also have more retirement years than him too..

maybe not the full age gap, but of course he’s more likely to retire before you?!

Mine retired first and it did make a notable difference to me - all meals cooked, all the shopping , all the household admin and housework ,the garden , the laundry , any driving and running around - perhaps you need to turn these jokes around ?

also men can joke like idiots when they are a bit scared of the change which can be bigger for men in terms of identity and friendships

That's something I hadn't thought of. He gets to enjoy his first few years of retirement without any major change whereas when she retires the change in income could be significant. I think they should both retire together.

Those saying he's worked all his life so he should retire first, fair enough but he's retiring to live on op's income. Normally that wouldn't matter but he's throwing it in her face about him being able to sit on his arse all day.

Tbh, with a dh/ partner 5 years older, it would be quite normal for him to retire earlier- he reaches state pension age first. If you have the required 35 years NI contributions in 7 years time and your private pension is good enough, just retire at the same time as him.