Husbands “jokes” about him retiring before I do

YANBU that would drive me crackers.
However start drawing up a list of stuff that needs doing around the house whilst you're still working and he isn't. He might then try and find a way to enable an earlier retirement for you so that you can retire at the same time as he does.

Good advice, imo

He is.

Who’s closer to death??
No one and everyone? we don’t know if or who will die when.
And if he keeps slim and fit he can probably look forward to a couple of years with dementia in a care home before the end

My DH is 11 years older than me so obviously he retired before me. He never joked about me still working though, and it was wonderful to come home to dinner on the go and him in his apron asking if I’d had a good day. .

We have got a "friend" who is like this. He is retired and always joking publicly, about how his younger wife is his pension plan. She works 6 days a week to keep the house going.
I don't know why she stays with him.

Why do you say he should keep working past the usual retirement age just because he is older and so able to retire now?

My husband is 8 years older than me, he will retire well
before me. That doesn’t make me bitter, I’m not going to make him keep working past retirement age just because I’m younger and don’t get to retire. I have a much better pension than him as he supported us when I was much younger rather than paying into his pension. Swings and roundabouts.

He has said that he promises to become a “house husband” though and take over all chores so when I’m not working we can enjoy our time together rather than doing housework.

DH is 4 years older than me and his pension will be far better than mine. But we plan to retire together as soon as financially feasible to enjoy quality time together.

I wouldn’t be happy working once he stops and he says he doesn’t want to be retired without me also being retired to enjoy it together.

You must remember that as a woman you don't naturally have much of a sense of humour while he, being a man, is allowed to make jokes about anything he likes whether they are nice, or nasty or hurt the person hearing them. That's the natural order of things and you should go back to the kitchen and make him a cup of tea to apologise for having an opinion.

And I'm sure he might think you have grown a sense of humour if you start making silly statements about him doing all the housework while you continue to work after he stops earning.

<sarcasm>

He really needs to pull his finger out of his arse and start helping more. He has eyes, he can see what needs doing. Better start now so he can get the practice in on what will be his responsibility whilst you’re at work. That and the fact he should have been doing it himself for the past 30 years.

“A waste of life”

No it IS life. It needs to be done. He won’t do it but it more than happy for you to? He is incredibly disrespectful of you and your time. He is already showing you who he is, believe him!

YANBU - are you in a position to take early retirement?

Definitely agree with the chat about division of housekeeping, as given his approach, it is likely there may be issues there if there weren't/are already.

The amount of people I see expecting a still working spouse or their grown children to fetch-bring-carry because they've 'retired' is unreal. Retirement is just ceasing paid employment, not retirement from other responsibility!

I have to say, my answer to him woukd be
‘Great. You’re right. You’re going to be a stay at home husband first 5 years. So I imagine we’ll have the same organisation than when I was a stay athome mum rigut? You do all the cooking, cleaning, run around, sitting out contact with the dcs, weekends, meals etc! And I’ll concentrate on just work. Like you did’

Its only a joke and bring smug because he sees it as him doing absolutely nothing whilst you still do two jobs - yours agd running the house.

Time to reset expectations.

It's just joke.

YABU. Life is short.

Have you told him how you feel about those comments and asked him to stop? Point out that you expect him to do more of the domestic chores when he's retired and you're still working.

Gawd, I'd rather carry on working than be retired with mine.

He's aged A LOT since he gave up work. He looks awful.

Perhaps you ought to "joke" about getting a divorce and supporting himself. His retirement plans may suddenly not look quite so rosy.

That said, I am five years younger than DH and have no problem with him retiring before me. I think he'll retire at 60 when we've paid the mortage. I'll only be 55 then and that seems a bit early to down tools to me.

Well, I’m 7 years older than Dh so presumably will be eligible for state pension 7 years earlier. I certainly don’t plan to keep working longer just so he doesn’t feel sad. When I started my first proper job, he was literally 8. 😂

I probably would joke about it too, just like I joke about dying earlier and him finding a new wife. 🤣 But it’s a bit of a silly thing to get worked up about. If you want to retire at the same time, sit down and discuss your finances. Dh has put in less years of working than me, but has been financially savvy so we won’t need to work til pension age unless we want to. Surely, it’s just something you need to decide between you. Hopefully you’ve been saving extra to make it possible.

Surely what you mean is that his face fell when he realised that you're not prepared to be his mummy and do everything for him?

I retired early (health) and when Dh talks of his retirement (coming soon) as some utopia where he doesn't have to get up, or do anything anymore, I remind him that I'll be the one having a bit of a rest with only half of the dog/house/laundry/cooking/garden/planning/finances/etc... his face fell when he realised all the life crap still needs doing when you're not working... and he'll be free and able to share in it all...

Still, I'm looking forward to it anyhow.😆

Sounds like a child you're describing, not a man close to retirement. Such a turn off.

Enjoying his free time? Whilst you work and do all the housework.
By the first weekend you'll have had enough. Whats his plans to fill the day? Will his pension cover a cleaner and still cover all his bills and lifestyle?

If you both retire, at the same time, you'll be doing more housework in your free time. Again, nothing to look forward to.

You both need a proper chat. And then decide if its what you both want.

My dh is 7 years older than me. I totally expect him to retire before me. Why should he work 7 years more than me just to wait for me? His job is very hands on, never been able to work for him and can’t do it part time. My job is flexible and I probably will cut down my hours during his retirement.
i don’t know this is a surprise for you, unless you both planned a long time ago to retire together, and both financially planned for this.

Rather than ignoring or going with the joke make time to have a proper conversation. Tell him you are going to retire at the same time as him and you both need to plan to make that happen. (Assuming this is what you want). Get out the spreadsheets, list out both your pensions and savings and see what arrangement you can come to.

I am 10 years old then DH and I am retiring before him and he will support me (however, I've always been the main earner and have put those additional funds into things for us and the children. Everything is joint for us.