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Original poster

Party etiquette - will this cause a family argument?

121 replies

Sprogonthetyne · 16/08/2025 19:03

I have two siblings, one is a full sibling I grew up with, the other is a half sibling who I only got to know recently, as an adult. We all have DC of similar ages. My DC get on ok with both sets of cousins, though tend to play better with the DC of my half sibling, due to closer ages and similar interests and personalities.

I'm sorting my DD's birthday party and the activity she has requested will be something half siblings DC will enjoy but full siblings DC probably wouldn't. WIBU to invite the half cousins while not inviting the full cousins?

I'm not trying to upset anyone, and care about both siblings and all the nephews and niece's. The preference for who to invite is based solely on which kids would participate and enjoy the party, but I'm slightly worried that my mum, who will be attending, will be upset that her grandchildren weren't invited while the other cousins were.

OP posts:
PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 16/08/2025 21:48

KilkennyCats · 16/08/2025 21:31

What sort of little kids party entertainment would leave some kids crying in a corner? Confused
What on earth have you booked?

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Laser quest, rock climbing, paint balling, hire wire adventure course?

KilkennyCats · 16/08/2025 21:31

Sprogonthetyne · 16/08/2025 19:12

I could invite all and if I did they would feel obliged to come, however 2 out of 3 children would almost certainly spend the whole party sat at the side and possibly get upset (it's a loud, boisterous activity and these kids are quite sensory sensitive). It cost close to £20/child, so it would mean spending £60 to have them sit in a corner crying, so a lose-lose situation.

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What sort of little kids party entertainment would leave some kids crying in a corner? Confused
What on earth have you booked?

bridgetreilly · 16/08/2025 21:08

How old are they?

Timeforabitofpeace · 16/08/2025 20:59

The party is about your DDs wishes, not those of others. They can come or not.

Honeyandwine · 16/08/2025 20:40

Why don’t you have an honest conversation with the sibling? My brother did this recently. His boy was having a trampolining party. My children don’t enjoy trampolining- he said obviously they would be invited but it was trampolining and as he was paying per child would they really join in. I said no and so we agreed they wouldn’t go. No feelings hurt. My children were not bothered as they don’t like the activity.

JLou08 · 16/08/2025 20:40

Just ask your sibling if the children would like to go. Not inviting them could be really upsetting for them.

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 16/08/2025 20:36

Just make a phone call.
Once upon a time, many years ago, we all did that.
It was quite effective.

amillionandone · 16/08/2025 20:35

I think either invite no family to this party (and do something different with family, even if only a low-key meal and playdate) or discuss it with your full sibling, raising your concerns and the possibility of meeting them another time instead. Which I'd choose would depend on how well you and your sibling communicate and how honest you are with one another.

Whaleandsnail6 · 16/08/2025 20:26

I'd invite all but make it clear you don't expect everyone else to come if the activity isn't their thing, and if they don't fancy it, you will meet up separately

Or I'd invite no cousins and just have friends for party.

popcornpower2025 · 16/08/2025 20:25

Just ask them?

autienotnaughty · 16/08/2025 20:09

Either invite all and let siblings decide if they want to attend. Or invite none and do a family meet up at a different time

m00rfarm · 16/08/2025 20:08

Speak to your mum and your sibling (obviously). Why wouldn't you?

IntoTheFringe · 16/08/2025 20:03

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 16/08/2025 19:15

Could you speak to full sibling and ask if their dc would want to come or prefer more of a pizza party at home?

This seems the obvious solution to me. I have done similar. My son had a football themed party, one nephew came along, my niece and much older nephew didn't as they wouldn't have enjoyed it. They came to our house for pizza and birthday cake the day after.

I don't understand why it has to be an issue to be honest. Why would your sibling want her kids to come to something they won't enjoy? As long as you speak to them first then what's the problem?

Moonnstars · 16/08/2025 19:54

Why not speak to full sibling? Explain what DC wants to do and ask whether they think their kids would enjoy it as it's expensive if they don't join in and they will miss out on the fun.

Original poster
Sprogonthetyne · 16/08/2025 19:47

Spies · 16/08/2025 19:24

They won't be missing out through if you do something separately for the family children. It's pretty normal to not include cousins and have friends only.

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Meet up with both sets of cousins would be difficult as full sibling doesn't drive, so would need our DM to come and give them a lift. It would be much more awkward for half sibling and DM to be in a small group, then in the big party where they're just part of the crowd.

Could do party then two separate outings, but three 'parties' feels a bit much, so the extra birthdays would all need to be very low key. That would be a bonus for the sensitive cousins but less fun then the main party would have been for the other ones.

OP posts:
Grecianrainbow · 16/08/2025 19:40

WimpoleHat · 16/08/2025 19:23

Why not explain it to your sibling as you have done here? “DD really wants X party. Obviously, it’d be great to see John and Jane if they fancy it - but I did say to DD that it might not be their cup of tea and they might prefer to go for a pizza/the cinema (or whatever) with you another time? What do you think?” You can discuss it and let your sibling decide. You can ask your mum to come along if you decide to have a second party as well.

I’d do this too. Speak to your sibling and explain there’s no obligation for them to come

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 16/08/2025 19:35

Barrenfieldoffucks · 16/08/2025 19:16

I'd probably do something else then tbh.

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So the birthday child shouldn't do what they want for their birthday. As above, invite but ask 'do they want to take part, or prefer a pizza party or something else?'

Barrenfieldoffucks · 16/08/2025 19:34

Sprogonthetyne · 16/08/2025 19:22

DD has been asking for this specific party for months, so I don't really want to say no to accommodate cousins she sees a few times a year, it is her birthday.

I think not inviting either is probably the way forward, which is a shame as I don't like children missing out due to family politics.

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I wouldn't call it politics, it would be very normal for one sibling to feel left out if the other were invited, with no explanation.

Could you not talk to your sibling? Explain exactly what you have here and ask if they'd like to meet at Macdonald's after the activity for example?

Campingisnexttogodliness · 16/08/2025 19:33

2 smaller parties? Ask for numbers for each preference..... Bit risky any other way imo.

snemrose · 16/08/2025 19:32

Can you speak to your full sibling about it? Explain the cost implication if their dc want to come but don’t want to participate

GrannyWeatherwaxxx · 16/08/2025 19:32

Invite all or none, OP. If you don’t want the full then don’t ask the half.

Catwoman8 · 16/08/2025 19:30

Could you do the expensive soft play type party for friends only, and then if you want to do something with the family children, you could do something cheap and low key with them all?

HideousKinky · 16/08/2025 19:28

Could you speak to your full sibling about it, explaining what you have said here?

HeddaGarbled · 16/08/2025 19:25

Of course sibling/DC will be hurt if it looks like you've now replaced them with new, exciting, shiny half cousins you've recently met

Yup - I think that’s what it will look like despite what seems like a reasonable reason to you.

Spies · 16/08/2025 19:24

Sprogonthetyne · 16/08/2025 19:22

DD has been asking for this specific party for months, so I don't really want to say no to accommodate cousins she sees a few times a year, it is her birthday.

I think not inviting either is probably the way forward, which is a shame as I don't like children missing out due to family politics.

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They won't be missing out through if you do something separately for the family children. It's pretty normal to not include cousins and have friends only.