Is this the new CF normal?

We were sent the link to an Amazon gift list when we were invited to a baby shower. The cheapest item was £5, next cheapest £65. We gave them a £25 voucher. They texted a personal thank you and we then sent another small gift when the baby was born. Sent a present to friend’s daughter when her 1st baby was born, no thank you. 2nd baby, we didn’t bother.

Yes, it is absolutely fine, if you have not stipulated what you want, and relatives reach out to you to ask, it’s absolutely fine to then say could you give us cash. It’s many moons since I got married, but we did the same. We found most people bought us useful vouchers!

I have always given one gift. No need for multiple gifts

I get what you’re saying. For our wedding 2 years ago, we put no presents on the invitations. If people asked what we’d like, we said a John Lewis voucher of any amount would be great. When I got to a wedding its just £50 in an envelope, I don’t buy off a register.

For our babies, MIL said to pick the feeding chair I wanted and she’d give us the money, I did pick the cheapest one I could find but love it. I really liked getting gifts from friends who’d had kids already, it was all really thoughtful stuff, like a multipack of muslins or nappies.

But we never expected anything from anyone, everyone who attended our wedding got a handwritten thank you note, personalised based on who they were to us or what they gave us, considering so many people made the effort to travel we didn’t really want them to give cash or gifts. Each to their own, but yes what you describe is ultimate cheeky fuckery!

I wouldn't bother. Just send a card and give them something to moan about.

I think people get married at later than previous generation so they tend to be more stable and settled. If I got married you, I would have really appreciated the gifts. The same with children. I genuinely did really want or need anything. I knew that I didn't want baby clothes but have happy to receive vouchers, toys, books, nappies, toiletries etc.

It’s funny you should say that, because I can always remember an awful “thank you card” for a evening reception do we went to, they mis-spelt our names, so they scribbled over that bit, thanked us for the wrong present too!

I’m late twenties and I think this is disgraceful!

I find it CFery enough to ask for money as a wedding gift but creating a registry for a baby shower is completely taking the piss.

I was extremely grateful for the gifts I received off family and friends when I had my dc. I wouldn’t have dreamed of demanding what I wanted them to buy.

It makes you wonder if they're ready to be parents if they can’t purchase the necessities for their newborn.

You are not wrong re thank you cards. I put money in a box at their wedding, that me and DH had travelled a long way for and had to book 3 nights in a (lovely) hotel. I have no idea if they actually received that money as there was no thank you card. His sibling got married and again we travelled, we were thanked in the speeches for travelling such a long way which was very unexpected and lovely, but still no thank you for the money. It has put me off sending them a gift when they had a baby.

Wanting money towards the honeymoon seems a little cheeky. I recall saving up for mine.

How we chuckled when my cousin (who we barely knew and to whose wedding we were not invited) sent round her wedding gift list, including a black leather suite.

I think requesting a minimum of £65 for a gift is taking the absolute piss. I fear I’d be sending a multipack of babygrows, you can never have enough.

OP I am with you. Fortunately my own kids are not entitled and never ask for anything. When DD1 married I was still a single parent to two teenagers, I scrimpt to afford the hotel room and outfits for us, I could not afford a decent present but I always do what I can do and am fully supportive.
Other family members are all like me, we just want family there for celebrations full stop.

I agree, a friends sister invited a few of us to the reveal, the baby shower and then seeing the baby. I went to the shower and to see the baby, and I said to my husband, it’s three occasions for one occasion ! I took the present to the shower, the card when I saw the baby. It’s gone mad.

I agree, one of the presents I remember most from my daughters birth was a beautifully hand knitted baby cardigan given to me by a woman at work who I honestly l had had very little to do with and who I thought didn’t like me much. I was so touched by her kindness and the effort she had put into the gift.

I am afraid I don’t knit so my new born baby gifts for friends tend to be a pack of cute size two or three baby vests , given with love, but they don’t have much emotional depth I am afraid!

A personal thank you.

Nothing to do with a “good enough thank you”

The older I get the more I understand that good manners are what makes life bearable and pleasurable. I’ve been in all kinds of scenarios where manners (or lack of them) has made a massive difference to people.

Maybe you feel they’re pointless in your circle, or your generation, but I learned ages ago that older people particularly appreciate being thanked. Why? Partly because we’re all so affluent now, but those people grew up when times were harder and less materialistic. To them presents are still really special and I know some old people give generously when it might be hard for them. A personal sincere thank you which might involve a teensy bit of time and trouble is very much appreciated.

Acknowledging someone with their name on an email or card means that they will remember you compared to others who don't. This means they won't make much effort for you at any point in the future should you ever have a query or request. It is like spreading " a good vibe" in today's terminology. It creates a social favouritism.

It may be a generational thing, but I’m with you. A very wealthy friend of mine married a few years ago, they have had their own house paid for twenty odd years or so, holiday five or six times a year etc. I was very put out to receive an invite saying could we give them money towards their honeymoon. So, I bought them a voucher to a restaurant I know they like. I heard from others that a “round robin” email had been sent to some given money, but in my case, they sent a pic of them in the restaurant enjoying the meal which was nice. Im finding that all the time people are wanting money for this and that. The daft thing is, I love buying little pressies for friends when I see things they would like, it gives me great pleasure. But being put on WhatsApp groups of about 30, asking for money for someone’s birthday, some person you hardly know at the gym or whatever, I just ignore them now. Asked to put for flowers last week for someone I don’t even know!

We hand wrote thank you cards to everyone who gave us a wedding present, @UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld - that is simple good manners, not ‘fawning over’ people.

We did have a gift registry, but made sure there were plenty of cheap things on there - and our friends knew there was no expectation that they gave us anything. 33 years on we are still using things we were given.

That said, I can understand why people might prefer money/vouchers, but it is uber-cheeky to suggest guests might send money and put cash in a box at the wedding too.

I have no problem in giving money rather than a present that's unwanted for weddings if people don't have a list. However a personalised thank you is the least I expect. A generic email would piss me off.
Sending same email to all wedding guests for baby money is defo CF'ery of the highest order.

However even 30 or 40 years ago in France a baby list or Liste de Naissance was de rigueur to ensure anybody who wanted to give a present didn't give something not needed. 25 packs of 3 baby grows is a bit much.

I don't like it - but I've had to vote YABU based on your voting criteria. You can't really say they are pressuring peoplw to give more than they can afford. They could transfer £10 if they wanted and ignore the gift lists.

The Happy Couple at the last wedding I attended used a gift website and had lots of ideas which were mostly quite reasonably priced. There were some items for around £20, and went up to about £200. They had also made it clear that they had no expectations of gifts and had only set it up as so many people had indicated that they wanted to buy one.
I chose a couple of mid range items and duly paid for them months before the wedding. The acknowledgment from the company said they would be delivered shortly after the wedding, which was fine.
The only problem was that the company did not tell me that the items had actually been delivered, and the couple didn’t do individual thank you messages, so I have no idea if they actually got my gifts.
I don’t want or need gushing thanks, but I would have liked to know that they arrived.

They don't have to " fawn all over you". A polite thank you demonstrates gift or cash was received and acknowledged. ( like a receipt or evidence that something was given or paid) Other than that the guest is just a transaction at a wedding.

Can someone help an old biddy out, please…… What’s the etiquette with baby showers - if you give a gift, would you still be expected to give another gift when the baby actually arrives?

As for gender reveal parties………. the mind boggles. My brain cannot compute the degree of entitlement…

It’s an extremely practical way of making sure you don’t get given things you might have already got or just don’t want … but it’s also tacky as heck imo. So YANBU.

In the old days (I’m the same age as you OP) you smiled at whatever the gift was, sent a thank you card or at least a personalised text/email - and if it was something you’d already got or you disliked it, you just gave it to a charity shop 🤷‍♀️.