Is this the new CF normal?

I understand that people want money sometimes for gifts. I’d rather give gift vouchers but will give money if asked. But to not receive a personalised hand written thank you for the money and to say thank you for attending is really rude and ungrateful. It took me ages to write my thank you cards but I did it because I’m not ignorant. Also, I wouldn’t give as much as you gave OP. Weddings are often expensive to attend so a few hundred quid on top of that is too much imo.

I never give money. People can’t dictate what they are given. And if they don’t say thank you they won’t get gifts again in future.

If someone buys you a gift or gifts money to you, then you send a personalised thank you, not a general one. It’s called manners. An individual acknowledgement of the generosity shown to you needs an individual response. End of.

So do I

I fot married 6 years ago and recently had 2 children. Didnt ask for nothing for neither occasion. Only peoples presence and company. Even with the kids didn't ask for anything. My DPs offered to but travel system so we accepted that. And that's it. It was a bit annoying as we were gifted repeats and things we didn't need multiples of. Way too many soft toys. Way to many blankets. So we did just regift or put on vinted. Lots of stores we do not have local so couldn't swap out.

The most useful things needed PP

• nappies
• baby wash products and skincare
• cetraban and Sudacrem
• meal prep
• people to come round to keep you company
• people to come round to good baby so you can bathe / sleep etc.

I seen a lovely family do Meal prep party as their baby shower. Each family member came to the expectants home and prepped one dish. I thought that was a great idea.

If I was your don't get anything from the list and gift them £20 or take some nappies around.

You're NOT being unreasonable. I cant believe you actually gave £x hundred!! I honestly think that £50 in this day and age is adequate monetary gift (unless it was my own child) I had this conversation only last week. Baby showers??? I mean just stop it!! Gifts for mum to be, then gifts for baby - when does it stop! The grandma to be said she'd offered to pay for the pram (or whatever it is nowadays - something that turns into everything). It turned out to be just shy of £1k. I don't even consider myself to be tight fisted - we will do anything for family, we really will, but get real - not going to spend a fortune on something "you really, really MUST have for baby" when in reality WE know will probably be used / worn once then be grown out of! I personally think all this 'entitlement' is just for one upmanship!

I don’t think this is the norm at all, I wouldn’t dream of doing this and don’t know anyone who has.

I think with a lot of couples these days getting married after already cohabiting, the money thing just makes sense. But one mention is enough. I would so much rather give money for a wedding than a random gift. I’ve also gifted things like a tasting menu sort of thing. I’ve been to 5 weddings in the past year and received handwritten thank yous from each of them.

The only thing I’ve ever been asked to bring for a baby shower was a favourite children’s book which I thought was a lovely idea.

I agree. It’s grabby and grubby. £200.00 is very generous! If they have to rely on ‘contributions’ perhaps save up a bit longer. We were married over 30 years ago, paid for everything ourselves and when asked about gifts said just come and enjoy yourselves and meant it. People were kind though and we were given vouchers, a set of towels etc. Every person received a hand written note signed by us both. I couldn’t imagine asking for money. Haven’t been to a wedding for ages but last time I did there was a list which I ignored and bought a voucher and champagne. New babies in our circle get books.

Really??
Never in my life have I had a £200 meal!
Serioulsy glad I’m a Billy no mates and don’t get invited to weddings!

I voted YABU because you don’t have to go along with it.

I don’t think this is entirely normal anymore but some people will always try their luck. DH and I got married 2 years ago and asked for no presents or monetary contributions. I’ll be doing the same when we come to having children. A very close friend (she was my bridesmaid, I was hers) did the same — no expectation for a present or even a card. Just come and enjoy the day. We’re both early 30s if that makes a difference.

Interestingly the only people who ignored our “please no gifts, just come and enjoy yourselves” were the older generations. Obviously we were grateful but it absolutely wasn’t necessary or expected.

I understand the requests towards honeymoon for a wedding - and don’t mind if it is worded well. It’s where I miss cheques - showing my age perhaps - as a bank transfer feels very transactional to me - and then there’s just a Card on the day.
I am not a fan of baby gift registers at all. I think it is rude and presumptions to send one with a birth announcement - these lists should only be sent if actually requested! I prefer to choose a gift and always enclose the receipt so it can be changed. Either that or vouchers.
It takes seconds to send a personal email/text/WhatsApp message and so I do think they all thank yous should be personal - whether for £5 or £500.

I’m in my late 40’s and been married over 20 years. A gift registry for a wedding was very much the thing. I kind of wish we had made a registry as while we most got cash, we did get a lot of vouchers but to a variety of shops which made it difficult to buy things plus we got a lot of duplicate gifs. 3 vases, 2 sets if the sand crystal glasses (actually not bothered they matched), a set of other glasses that didn’t match and 2 toasters - from my bridesmaids and I told one of them that the other was getting us a toaster!

We had moved in together so didn’t really need cheaper gifts so preferred money for example we bought a dining table and chairs. We would never expect to get a gift like that off one or two people.

Only in laws asked what we wanted/needed for baby, everyone rise got clothes. As you expect them too. A gift registry for a baby is crass and really should only be for family and only given to those who ask for it!

Here we go.
No there is not.
If my friends Joe and May got married in the local social club they'd get an equal value present to Bob and Sue who got married in the swanky wedding venue

Honestjy! CF!!!
I would ignore the requests/lists and buy something I wanted to buy. I can’t believe you gave so much money for wedding presents!

I'm in my late 30s and I can assure you we aren't all the same. I never had baby showers for my two young boys - I find them beggy. Our parents gifted us big things for the boys, and others got us presents off their own back and we appreciated it all. I'm engaged but when/of we tie the knot, it will be a very small affair and if folk want to gift something we will be grateful for whatever.

Glad I’m not the only one that thinks 200 quid is a huge amount!
Have we stumbled on to the millionaires version of MN??
I had a very small wedding (50 or so people) 23 years ago and the money and vouchers we got probably didn’t total £200 in total!!
We didn’t expect anything and didn’t ask for anything, seriously some people are serious scroungers!

Never heard of anyone doing lists before for baby gifts from certain shops, I wouldn’t dream of it! Very bratty in my opinion!

I went to a wedding couple of months ago for a relative and gave £100 as a present.

Not heard a thing since. It would be nice to know whether they got something nice with it or put it towards something that cost a lot more.

Text, email, Whatsapp, it's all doable to send an instant thank you and I do think it's very rude not to at least acknowledge the gift you were given.😒

There is an unspoken rule that you should at least give enough to cover your plate at the wedding.

I think the issue you is you’ve been so hugely generous, they are now expecting huge gifts!
either I’m really tight/poor but to me £300/£200 is an insane amount to give as a wedding gift!
I would give 50 max to family and about 20 for others!
ans to not personally thank people is very entitled!

Tbh I think you are being a bit unreasonable. The fact is that things that used to be given as wedding gifts which were supposed to set you up are now cheap as chips, from electronics to home wear. These used to be expensive and now really they are not.

I understand couples asking for money. Or vouchers. Reality means that setting yourself up these days is a matter of cold hard cash.

It's extremely rude and if you're going to produce a list than put some cheaper options on it because not everyone can afford what you might ideally want. And whatever present you get, the sender deserves a personal acknowledgement. After all, they don't have to buy you anything and it's the least you can do for another person making the effort.

I'm afraid it does appear to be becoming normal, this sort of no mincing words behaviour about gifts, and in circumstances where you do want to give generously but haven't a clue what the recipient would like it can even have practical advantages.

Having said that, whatever your age I stoutly defend your right to think "you'll be lucky" and just please yourself.

At Irish weddings the standard is €200 - €250 per couple (equivalent to £172 -£216). Close family do often give more, but £500 wouldn’t be a very common wedding gift in Ireland, no.